l1vingdeadgurl

Monday

Simon, please come back, you were the only one who never broke my heart, the only one I believed in. You can't be gone, you just can't.

I daydreamed about Bob today, at 7 am, while driving on the busiest highway in Canada, doing 80 and slammed into the back of a Toyota Matrix, folding my Honda like origami, fracturing my ribs and blackening my eyes.

In the milliseconds before the impact, Simon and Stone, Dorian, Dylan and James all flashed before my eyes, thinking about the times when they did love me, or at least pretended they did.
I prayed (I don't know to who cause I don't believe in anything) that I would not make it through, that I'd join Simon and my heart wouldn't be broken anymore. I'd have never met Bob or his kids and therefore never fallen in love, he could have never destroyed me like he did.

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, memories erased, you're life in rewind.
Forgotten sorrows and damage done
You're not the only one

The accident was not the worse part, the berating after was far worse. Not having the one I love there to tell me its going to be ok, only the tears streaming down my face, the shock setting in, the loneliness taking over.

I told him I hate him, even though its not true. I just don't know how to express the kind of pain and heartache he has caused me, no word angry enough or vile enough to hurt him the same. I wish I hated him, it would make goodbye easier.

I'm coming home Simon.