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l1vingdeadgurl

Still looking

Member Since 2008

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Tuesday Nov 22, 2011

Nov 22, 2011
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Daffodils

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed--and gazed--but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.
-William Wordsworth

Ok what I am going to say may sound conceited but I really don't mean it that way. Has anyone out there felt like they know so much, about so many things, but you don't know HOW you know it, or why you know it?
I am a encyclopedia of useless information, and useful information too.

On the weekend I was the trainer for my daughters ringette team, thrown into this role because I am the only parent or coach trained in first aid. Actually I have my first responder certification, but I honestly don't know why I decided to become certified. It was on of many, many things I became interested in as a lark, then became certified for the hell of it. I have never even used it until this past weekend.
One of the girls on the team fell and hit her head on the ice. She was wearing a helmet of course and insisted she was fine to keep playing. I don't know why I made the decision to keep her off the ice the rest of the game, against her and the coaches wishes. I stuck to my opinion and other than a superficial examination on the players bench, I really had no evidence she was suffering a concussion. I just had this feeling that I could not ignore.

She was taken to hospital and was told she does indeed have a concussion, and I was praised for keeping her off the ice and applying my knowledge. Thing is, I don't even know how I even knew. It was almost like my subconscious knows more than my waking conscious. I get this feeling alot, mostly at work when I am called to intervene in a crisis situation, or even driving home and not remembering the trip at all.

I feel like I am not even fit to save or help anyone, especially since I can't help myself. These feelings overwhelm me sometimes.

Still sick, still exhausted, still no end in sight.
Still keeping on, keeping on.

Me at my friends wedding.....just in case you wanted to see me cleaned up a bit.....tongue

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