l1vingdeadgurl

Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight
Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear
Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

Back pain has returned with a vengeance. Probably cause I was off work so much lately then back into dungeon duty today. It was nice being alone in the basement. I could sing along to my radio station, take a nap and talk to someone special.
The big important meeting is tomorrow morning. I am scared, and since I have known this is coming I have been having panic attacks, not the full blown emergency room ones, but the ones that make you uncomfortable. Like someone is sitting on your chest. The tingly feeling that goes with lack of oxygen to the blood.
I need sleep. It evades me. I dream about things, things that may not be, that haunt me, that I cannot change. I just want to have a dreamless sleep. Or a sex dream. Something..

Saw my psychiatrist today and she was rather nasty with me. Well only because she told me stuff I didn't want to hear. Like I need to smarten up, stop procrastinating, take my medication, get my bloodwork done regularly, stop seeking attention oh and that the medication is not causing my weight gain, its what I am putting in my mouth. To which I had to chuckle cause it was kind of funny.

Anyway thats my boring day in a nutshell. Tomorrow should be much more exciting, and nervewracking...