I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away
Don't wanna go back to that place, but don't have
no choice, no way
It ain't easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin what love could be, well I've seen
I don't want love to destroy me like it did my
family
There comes a time in life where big decisions have to be made. I have reached a point in my life where I am not sure if my existing life is going to be it. Its not just about fighting, its about wanting different things. I of course want things that I can't have as everyone does. I just feel I dont have the support to try the things I do want and more than likely can achieve.
I am described as a procrastinator, someone who never follows through, someone who comes up with hairbrained schemes that turn into nothing. I am described as lazy, immature and someone who can't let go of her childhood. Irresponsible, self destructive and destructive in general. All from someone who supposededly loves me. Who said through better or worse. And its never been worse than right now.
My feelings are a mess- I am not sure what I want anymore. All I know is I don't want to be married to my father-in law. Someone who I have to walk on eggshells around- broken glass. I want to be able to say what I feel, what I want and not worry if it will start WWIII. I don't want to have to ASK to do something. I just want to do it. I have never been sadder. I have thought about using again. My daily thoughts revolve around sabotaging my own job because I am forced to work there, against my will. I guess I thought my life would have been different- that my husband would take care of me and I could be one of two things, A sucessful stay at home mom or someone with a successful career. I have neither. I am at the bottom of the totem pole and no matter how hard I try to get out it keep falling down. I dont know what to do anymore... I am on the brink of taking a road I dont want to go down again.
I have no friends to talk to about this cause they are married and don't understand.
I'm lost.
Don't wanna go back to that place, but don't have
no choice, no way
It ain't easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin what love could be, well I've seen
I don't want love to destroy me like it did my
family
There comes a time in life where big decisions have to be made. I have reached a point in my life where I am not sure if my existing life is going to be it. Its not just about fighting, its about wanting different things. I of course want things that I can't have as everyone does. I just feel I dont have the support to try the things I do want and more than likely can achieve.
I am described as a procrastinator, someone who never follows through, someone who comes up with hairbrained schemes that turn into nothing. I am described as lazy, immature and someone who can't let go of her childhood. Irresponsible, self destructive and destructive in general. All from someone who supposededly loves me. Who said through better or worse. And its never been worse than right now.
My feelings are a mess- I am not sure what I want anymore. All I know is I don't want to be married to my father-in law. Someone who I have to walk on eggshells around- broken glass. I want to be able to say what I feel, what I want and not worry if it will start WWIII. I don't want to have to ASK to do something. I just want to do it. I have never been sadder. I have thought about using again. My daily thoughts revolve around sabotaging my own job because I am forced to work there, against my will. I guess I thought my life would have been different- that my husband would take care of me and I could be one of two things, A sucessful stay at home mom or someone with a successful career. I have neither. I am at the bottom of the totem pole and no matter how hard I try to get out it keep falling down. I dont know what to do anymore... I am on the brink of taking a road I dont want to go down again.
I have no friends to talk to about this cause they are married and don't understand.
I'm lost.