l1vingdeadgurl

I am stilll blah today. I am not sure what it is. Well besides my monthly which came early. I am just feeling so shitty and down in the dumps. I walk around with a painted smile and tell everyone how to BE HAPPY and how to LIVE FOR TODAY when I can't even do it my fucking self. I get in my car every morning and think, this is going to be the day. I am going to start driving, keep driving until I get there. Where is there?? I don't know. But I will when I get there.
I miss someone deeply who is so not worthy of my attention. I am the kind of person who can take it or leave it, with pretty much everything. Not this person. I know he will read this and know I mean him. He has messed with my mind over and over again. He is the only person that can make me feel two opposite emotions at the same time. Its like you are totally over something and life has moved on. Then that one little thing gets brought to your attention. An old text message or email. A person with the same name or the same eyes or hair color. Someone who smiles the same and who's touch is just as electric. And you just feel this overwhelming need for that person. You wish you could just see them one more time, talk to them or even just listen again. You want to be friends, lovers and everything in between. You start again from square one, you mope around with no purpose, nothing to look forward too, because before there was always Tuesday....

I hate all this snow, I hate winter and I hate working weekends and not spending time with my family. I want to be one of those people who can do what they love, and love what they do.
I want to pick up and leave and go visit my web friends.
Cause Tuesdays gone....