l1vingdeadgurl

I wanted to call you today to say I love you but your number is no longer in service.
I tried the operator, she said 'Sorry I don't have a number for you'.
I emailed you but the internet said it was undeliveriable.
I tried to go to your house but you don't live there anymore.
The post office has no forwarding address.
I guess...
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Why do people ask dumb, DUMB questions, then get mad when you give them a dumb answer?

Like somehow I became the queen of everything and know exactly why things AREN'T going YOUR way.

Like seriously FUCK OFF

So sick again, can't keep awake for more than 30 min at a time no matter how much coffee I put in my system.
Another reason to...
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This is my fuck everything blog.

First: I don't think I have ever, ever been this depressed in my entire life. Its hard to explain other than to say my day goes by like an old 8mm film, grainy, colorless, shaky and hard to watch.
Explaining to people why you're crying at random points of the day cause some stupid song, word and god knows...
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Monday

Simon, please come back, you were the only one who never broke my heart, the only one I believed in. You can't be gone, you just can't.

I daydreamed about Bob today, at 7 am, while driving on the busiest highway in Canada, doing 80 and slammed into the back of a Toyota Matrix, folding my Honda like origami, fracturing my ribs and blackening...
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"these violent delights, have violent ends, and in their triumph die, like fire and powder which as they kiss, consume"

I once thought we were like Romeo & Juliet. A love story written in ancient literature, a forbidden, impossible love; yet so deep and electric, so strong & all consuming. Nothing could stop us from being together. I loved him, I loved his boys and...
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Looking to plant some new roots somewhere else. Where is a nice place to live? I know where I want to live but the job market is less than ideal.

I am un-sympathetic to someone who is losing their father and it makes me wonder if I have some kind of personality disorder because I may even be HAPPY to see him in so much...
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I can't really put my own words down today. They are muddled and confused and just plain nasty at times. My thoughts today could get me in a world of trouble. So a collage of things that describe how I feel today.

Revenge
By Letitia Elizabeth Landon 18021838 Letitia Elizabeth Landon
Ay, gaze upon her rose-wreathed hair,
And gaze upon her smile;
Seem as you...
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Going in and out of consciousness
I've lost 30 more pounds and the doctors say it's bad, it's unhealthy. I say its freaking awesome! I say keep it coming! Without the nightly fevers would be better :p

Would you spend your life waiting for something that you know would never happen, for someone who would never love you, ever?

Sounds totally ridiculous doesn't it? I...
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Driving 140 in a 100, swerving in and out of the dead motorists, stuck in their zombie trance. Thinking about hitting the cement median for nothing but the hell of it. Blurry eyed, tear stained, thinking about flying to where the pain doesn't feel like pain at all, but like freedom or satisfaction or finality.
Blackberry's out the window, projectile-like electronic missile flies across 4...
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Daffodils

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand...
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Unbelievably grumpy and moody and all that. Fever is still here, I think I'm kind of use to the onset of it every night. I've been pretty much ignoring all my obligations for the last few weeks. No school, yoga or volleyball. Hubby is yelling all the time about me getting out and doing something, but all I want to do is sleep. I could...
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The urge and need to write is driving me mad, I just feel so much and can't really put any coherent thoughts together. I guess the fever does that to a person.

Mr Texas is leaving today, taking off again to some unknown place, to be unheard from again. I guess the pain isn't as bad this time, I will worry, I always do, but...
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