l1vingdeadgurl

I.. I always thought that I knew
I'd always have the right to
be living in the kingdom of the good and true and so on
But now I think I was wrong
and you were laughing along
And now I look a fool for thinking you were on...

My side,
Is it any wonder I'm tired?
Is it any wonder that I feel uptight?...
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I can write no stately proem
As a prelude to my lay;
From a poet to a poem
I would dare to say.

For if of these fallen petals
One to you seem fair,
Love will waft it till it settles
On your hair.

And when wind and winter harden
All the loveless land,
It will whisper of the garden,
You will understand.


I am...
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My Dirty Little Secret: I don't have the courage to tell him how feel.



Whats your Dirty Little Secret?

I got totally and utterly shitfaced last night, of course the fact that I haven't drank booze in almost forever, it took all of 4 drinks to get me feeling fine... Met some awesome new friends... got in...
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Tell me your secrets
I'll tell you all mine
A million words I have written
Don't express how I feel
Help me find the words..

My son and his musical debut.. he was sick and all of a sudden started feeling better and decided the best way to celebrate was the birthday polka..


I want to write by my mind can't process the gibberish that...
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Your lips are nettles
Your tongue is wine
Your laughter's liquid
But your body's pine

You love all sailors
But hate the beach
You say "Come touch me"
But you're always out of reach

In the dark you tell me of a flower
that only blooms in the violet hour

Your arms are lovely
Yellow and rose
Your back`s a meadow
Covered in snow

Your...
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I think I know whats on your mind
A couple words, a great divide
Waiting in the wings a sparing spite
Crawling out the foreground from behind

Even though you're the only one I see
If you ask,I'll cut you free
Please don't ask for chance,it'll never be...

Take anything you want its fine
Keep up the slow life for the night
Dont take it...
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For my friend, who calls me silly and it makes me smile...


When I die
I don't care what happens to my body
throw ashes in the air, scatter 'em in East River
bury an urn in Elizabeth New Jersey, B'nai Israel Cemetery
But l want a big funeral
St. Patrick's Cathedral, St. Mark's Church, the largest synagogue in
Manhattan
First, there's family, brother, nephews,...
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Its been a while. I quite honestly haven't cared to update this last week. I have been spending my time circling in my own sorrow and depression all while putting on a happy face to pretend it's ok. Yeah like you wanna hear my drama. I should probably grow up already.
Ok Epic Philasophical Blog Rant Feel free to ignore under Spoiler.

I have never felt this much pain before. All I can say is this time the fuck up was real, it was huge and unforgivable. And I can't forgive myself. I dont want to be here anymore.

all i wanted is gone with your stare, all i wanted is gone with your stare
so tell me when you hear my heart stop , your the only one that knows
So tell me when my crying's over, you're the reason that I'm crying.
Tell me when you hear me falling, there's a possibility it wouldn't show.
Don't worry about me, I follow where...
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Oh Make me over
I'm all I want to be
A walking study
in demonology



I am actually a little busy at work today which is good I guess. I had to step out and see the Psychiatrist for my twice monthly appointment. After waiting for her to finish her lunch, I got in to see her. There were these ladies in the waiting room...
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