kyki

By the way...this is awesome...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sJqROHxjDA

I hope I can go to a protest when I'm in D.C. My grandfather is inspiring to me and I feel like I really need to start working harder for what I believe in and what I want.

Wow Kyki I am really sorry to hear about your grandfather and that you are feeling so shit, life is sometimes like that and everything that can go wrong seems to go wrong. Any keep smiling things can only get better. take care

Nick

xx

I'm so sorry about your grandfather sweetheart

what do you do? I understand the venting everyone needs an outlet.

It's time like these when I really miss our KBFR days. I think we're some of the few people out there who can actually claim to have been legitimate pirates at some point in their lives.

I have to say I think that was one of the best times of my life. I am so glad that you and Sam were a part of that. It's good to have friends like you. And it's good to have friends who care about real issues. You are one of the few in my life right now who actually gives a shit about the rest of the world. Everyone else make give a small shit but they don't want to talk about it or read or hear about it. I think it's really important to not get too taken over by these things otherwise you can't change them. You can let them effect you because horrible things and great things should always have an effect on you but you have to learn how to use your emotions. Like becoming passionate and wanting to change things and not letting everything just be sad. OK. Rant on the Kyki side...excuse my rant.

people are terminally stupid. Take, for instance, this

Jesus that's odd

Yep, this country is a piece of shit for even THINKING of overturning any abortion decisions. But just think... many countries have NO options.

Btw... let's hang out soon. And let's not just plan to, but actually do it.

True but that's where this country is headed. Or that's what they want. I guess they don't realize that in places where abortion is completely illegal women die left and right from this shit. Like if having a baby would kill you and they force you to have the baby. Cool. Womens bodies are our governments. Yay!

Totally. Give me a little time. I'm going through some family stuff but maybe when i get back from D.C. Or if I have any days off, which I don't think I do aside from Friday, until the 25th.when i leave but we can figure something out probably for an evening. when are you free?

I'm so frightened that there will be copycat shootings after this, especially since the Columbine anniversary is so soon.

Look up the month of April on Wikipedia. It is a freakishly tragic, "bad luck" month.

What's the haps? Things sound sad in your blog lately.

I'm sorry. It makes me feel like an idiot to admit it but it's really something I should learn to deal with another way but emotional pain has become horrible. I'm lonely. I feel ugly often. I have personal stuff. My grandfather, who I do love, but also takes care of my family because they are all fairly poor and incapable of pulling it together, is dieing of cancer. I don't want him to die anyways but I'm trying to deal with the fact that it is happening and it does happen. I have a few friends who have died, all quickly, but it's still hard to deal with so much death. I have a friend who is also dieing of cancer and he has a wife and 2 children. He is such a good person. But mostly I feel like no matter how hard I work nothing changes. Nothing gets better. This is stupid because sometimes I know I'm a good person and that I am smart and pretty and sometimes I can't see that. Sorry, that's kind of hardcore for me to say to you because it's probably some mental problem. But it's all kind of just building up and the only release is when I cut myself because it numbs and kind of makes me high in a way. I would rather have like Valium and just relax but I think that's still kind of a form of self destruction but maybe a less permanent way. But I'm trying to help myself by going to a doctor and not totally medicating the shit out of myself but maybe figuring something that can help me cope in a less blood thirsty way. Thanks for asking. Sorry about the long reply hon.

I used to cut myself, so I know what kind of release it offers. The thing to remember is that it is temporary. It doesn't fix what is going wrong in your life, it just numbs it for a while. I'm glad to hear that you are getting some medical help; don't underestimate what a doctor or even someone to talk to can do for you. Death is a tremendously hard thing to deal with, especially when it seems unfair. All you can do is offer your loved ones comfort and support while they are still here, and look for your own support when they are gone. I'm so sorry that things are going badly for you. Try to remember that you are worthwhile, and that you have people you love you. Take care of yourself.