I've been feeling better lately. I'm finally hunkering down and studying my school books instead of just depending on lectures.
I learned that only works for dumb classes, or stuff that isn't really quantifiable. I mean, a lot of classes have these multiple choice or questions that you either (1) already knew the answer to from common knowledge (2) the answer to the question is in the question or contained in one of the previous questions, (3) even then, there's usually some complete non-sense answers in there just to make sure you are steered (more like dragged) toward the correct answer, (4) the teacher lets everyone cheat, as the whispering of answers slowly turns into the sound of an oncoming hoard of locusts, not to mention the incesent chair skooching so that everyone can copy off of each other.
Now that I am actually needing to learn stuff I don't already know, I have never had to study for anything. Although I'm 34 years old, I feel like I'm in highschool.
But as far as my social level goes, I'm in Jr High or lower. I never really learned to communicate with people normally and I never ever learned how to make friends with women.
People always blame me because I don't act the way they want. Unfortunately, I am a really shy person like my mom. I always have been. People have always teased me for it, especially women. I can't help it. When I try to be not shy, I just sound like a spaz.
But then everyone is so scared of me and never talks to me in real life, and when I try to talk to them, they either ignore me or act all weird or run to the police or something or complain to everyone I talked to them or they just start saying how much they hate me and how gross I am, and they do it on purpose so I can hear and then act like I don't hear or something. I'm not exactly sure why everyone does it.
So, yeah, things are a lot better. Seriously. Imagine how they used to be for this to be a vast improvement.
I mean there is no improvement really, but really, there is, but I'm the same. I just don't give a shit anymore and it doesn't hurt as much anymore when someone messes with me so they can go brag to their friends.
As far as I'm concerned, the friend of my enemy is my enemy. You can't have it both ways. I know that's how your society works but that isn't how I work.
When I see women hanging around people who have nothing but evil and ill intentions for me, I don't want anything to do with them.
I know for most women, when they do that, it make's the guy go chase after them. Well, you deserve that type of guy. Like a dog humping your leg. Oh, I gotta have her because she likes someone else.
Or whatever primitive thought process you go through when playing your sick and fucked up games to attract the opposite sex (or same sex, whatever floats your boat), don't expect someone with half a brain to go along with it.
People who play those types of games belong with the type of lying, coked out idiots that behave that way.
It just sucks I have tyo go to school in the ghetto, and no matter how far I drive, southern california and possibly the whole united states or maybe even the world is this way.
I can't fucking believe that I'm the only person that feels this way.
I think it is just because I only attract evil, two faced bitches.
I don't know if I ever met an honest girl in the last 10 or 20 years. I probably have but was just too shy to know.
But they all do the same stupid shit. Thinking because it works on other guys that I'm going to do some stupid shit because she pretends she doesn't like me but she really does! So she just is always around where I'm at but pretends to hate me! Wow! That's smart!
I guess I have to prove how much I like her! I can't explain how horribly I've been treated by people I've never seen, talked to, or met in my life. But they know everything about me even though they have never met me, talked to me, or know anybody I know. I know that because I know very few people.
And the few people I do know are pretty much complete assholes, who are worse than my enemies. They aren't really my friends, just people I've known.
The people I meet in chat seem more real to me than any of my "friends" throughout my entire life. But only because I can't see what they are whispering or saying to each other. Because in ral life my ears are very sensitive and people are really stupid about how loud their voices are. Or I assume they do it on purpose.
Enough complaining!
I always wondered why nobody would ever talk to me. All I ever wanted was to talk to a female and get that warm feeling every guy gets. That special feeling every guy gets when he talks to a female. When she gives him that special gift of her attention or even acknowledging you're alive.
Everyone seems to get that, even the most awful guys. Even the biggest jerks, whether they are handsome or ugly.
And I always tried my hardest to be nice and gentleman and they always called me a faggot and much worse. And I never understood it, I always though I was a smart guy and would have something to talk about or something. I guess I just end up rambling about stupid stuff like this.
I don't know how to be interesting and engage in small talk that doesn't seem to go anywhere but just keeps going on and on, but contains absolutely no substance. Sometimes the only person I like talking to is myself.
I need to talk about STUFF, real STUFF, not just superficial nothingness about nothing. Or gossping about someone else. I don't have ME to talk about. I can't go around to any random girl and start talking about me and make friends with everyone and fuck amillion girls because they pretend to be me, or say they know me, or say i'm the most horrible guy in the world, or catch every girl on the rebound because she won't talk to me.
And if I tried to talk to her she'd give me an attitude and go run to someone and complain. Or call me a faggot because I am nothing like what she expected.
That's the problem, everyone thinks I'm something other than I am. I'm just me. I talk about nerdy stuff. I'm sort of emo. I have a lot of things going on with me. People have fucked with me my whole life.
I have no friends. Women rarely talk to me, and if they do I sacre them away. Or they hate me because I'm nothing like every other guy.
I'm actually nice.
----
It's because women are so used to being treated like shit, that they forgot what it was to be treated nicely. So if I don't treat them like shit they think you're a jerk. It's really some ass backwards shit.
Like Stockholm Syndrome. You guys get used to anything and even start to like it after a while. It's really sick the way you see battered women in relationships. You women, even if you don't get beaten with fists, you still get your vagina's pummled and anus' sodomized, as well as your emotions and your self esteem.
Sure, you're going to say you love it. Did you love it at first? Did you love it the first time? Maybe you did. Maybe you just got used to it.
Maybe you just never knew anything better. Never knew you could have, or still could have it so much better.
But you're stuck with the bottom of the barrel, because that's all you'll take. You accept whatever comes a long, and usually it's the biggest douche of a group of douchebags, but the most agressive and really high on coke. But he says the same thing to every single person and if you fall for it, I wouldn't want anything to do with you.
You even know it's an act or lie and you go along with it. It's disgusting.
True I am bitter. I wish I could be like those guys. I wish I had no morals or ethics or feelings. I wish I could just go to every single girl and use the same line and get laid.
I haven't ever wanted to do that. All I ever wanted was to have some good friends who were female, but I never found any female that wanted to just be friends. It's always some weird secret shit I don't understand, like I'm the boyfriend or something. I don't understand.
I have never understood, nobody ever talks to me or ever wants to talk to me. So I don't talk to anyone unless they talk to me first because people freak out crazy if I ever look at them and I'm not even exageratting. It's not funny, you have no idea what it's like.
I caould never explain and you could never know what it feels like. You have no idea. I couldn't even think of something to compare it to. BEcause everyone has someone to turn to.
I found out everyone, and I mean everyone I've ever known, especially my family, was completely lying to me and to everyone else about everything ever. I'm not even exageratting. Maybe a little. Nothing is 100% but like 99%.
I've lived in a city and community of patholgical liars my whole life. Every normal good, decent person has left Los Angeles, or at least where I am at, and all that's left are coked out gangsters, criminals, illegals, etc.
And anyone left is all torn up like me and slowly (or quickly for most) become scum just like them. Maybe this is the future of the world, but then the world will not last, becasue everyone here is a lying thief.
It only works when you have good, hardworking people to steal and cheat. When all the good normal people leave, you cant sell coke to other coke dealers, or steal from people who don't have anything.
Or if you do, you're just going to get it stolen from you.
I learn faster than a lot of people. The problem with society and relationships is that they are completely illogical. That's why really dumb people are really good with the women.
And really smart people are shy and have feelings and are sensitive, wheres the dummy doesn't care if he gets rejected. But then women like the dummies. But then they think theyre smart because the woman isn't that smart herself.
Wait, I'm not this bitter. Man, I wish I had a g/f, or even someone to call. But if I did I wouldnt call them because I;m fucking terrified of women. I never have anything to say.
I hate everything!!!!!!!
I
I learned that only works for dumb classes, or stuff that isn't really quantifiable. I mean, a lot of classes have these multiple choice or questions that you either (1) already knew the answer to from common knowledge (2) the answer to the question is in the question or contained in one of the previous questions, (3) even then, there's usually some complete non-sense answers in there just to make sure you are steered (more like dragged) toward the correct answer, (4) the teacher lets everyone cheat, as the whispering of answers slowly turns into the sound of an oncoming hoard of locusts, not to mention the incesent chair skooching so that everyone can copy off of each other.
Now that I am actually needing to learn stuff I don't already know, I have never had to study for anything. Although I'm 34 years old, I feel like I'm in highschool.
But as far as my social level goes, I'm in Jr High or lower. I never really learned to communicate with people normally and I never ever learned how to make friends with women.
People always blame me because I don't act the way they want. Unfortunately, I am a really shy person like my mom. I always have been. People have always teased me for it, especially women. I can't help it. When I try to be not shy, I just sound like a spaz.
But then everyone is so scared of me and never talks to me in real life, and when I try to talk to them, they either ignore me or act all weird or run to the police or something or complain to everyone I talked to them or they just start saying how much they hate me and how gross I am, and they do it on purpose so I can hear and then act like I don't hear or something. I'm not exactly sure why everyone does it.
So, yeah, things are a lot better. Seriously. Imagine how they used to be for this to be a vast improvement.
I mean there is no improvement really, but really, there is, but I'm the same. I just don't give a shit anymore and it doesn't hurt as much anymore when someone messes with me so they can go brag to their friends.
As far as I'm concerned, the friend of my enemy is my enemy. You can't have it both ways. I know that's how your society works but that isn't how I work.
When I see women hanging around people who have nothing but evil and ill intentions for me, I don't want anything to do with them.
I know for most women, when they do that, it make's the guy go chase after them. Well, you deserve that type of guy. Like a dog humping your leg. Oh, I gotta have her because she likes someone else.
Or whatever primitive thought process you go through when playing your sick and fucked up games to attract the opposite sex (or same sex, whatever floats your boat), don't expect someone with half a brain to go along with it.
People who play those types of games belong with the type of lying, coked out idiots that behave that way.
It just sucks I have tyo go to school in the ghetto, and no matter how far I drive, southern california and possibly the whole united states or maybe even the world is this way.
I can't fucking believe that I'm the only person that feels this way.
I think it is just because I only attract evil, two faced bitches.
I don't know if I ever met an honest girl in the last 10 or 20 years. I probably have but was just too shy to know.
But they all do the same stupid shit. Thinking because it works on other guys that I'm going to do some stupid shit because she pretends she doesn't like me but she really does! So she just is always around where I'm at but pretends to hate me! Wow! That's smart!
I guess I have to prove how much I like her! I can't explain how horribly I've been treated by people I've never seen, talked to, or met in my life. But they know everything about me even though they have never met me, talked to me, or know anybody I know. I know that because I know very few people.
And the few people I do know are pretty much complete assholes, who are worse than my enemies. They aren't really my friends, just people I've known.
The people I meet in chat seem more real to me than any of my "friends" throughout my entire life. But only because I can't see what they are whispering or saying to each other. Because in ral life my ears are very sensitive and people are really stupid about how loud their voices are. Or I assume they do it on purpose.
Enough complaining!
I always wondered why nobody would ever talk to me. All I ever wanted was to talk to a female and get that warm feeling every guy gets. That special feeling every guy gets when he talks to a female. When she gives him that special gift of her attention or even acknowledging you're alive.
Everyone seems to get that, even the most awful guys. Even the biggest jerks, whether they are handsome or ugly.
And I always tried my hardest to be nice and gentleman and they always called me a faggot and much worse. And I never understood it, I always though I was a smart guy and would have something to talk about or something. I guess I just end up rambling about stupid stuff like this.
I don't know how to be interesting and engage in small talk that doesn't seem to go anywhere but just keeps going on and on, but contains absolutely no substance. Sometimes the only person I like talking to is myself.
I need to talk about STUFF, real STUFF, not just superficial nothingness about nothing. Or gossping about someone else. I don't have ME to talk about. I can't go around to any random girl and start talking about me and make friends with everyone and fuck amillion girls because they pretend to be me, or say they know me, or say i'm the most horrible guy in the world, or catch every girl on the rebound because she won't talk to me.
And if I tried to talk to her she'd give me an attitude and go run to someone and complain. Or call me a faggot because I am nothing like what she expected.
That's the problem, everyone thinks I'm something other than I am. I'm just me. I talk about nerdy stuff. I'm sort of emo. I have a lot of things going on with me. People have fucked with me my whole life.
I have no friends. Women rarely talk to me, and if they do I sacre them away. Or they hate me because I'm nothing like every other guy.
I'm actually nice.
----
It's because women are so used to being treated like shit, that they forgot what it was to be treated nicely. So if I don't treat them like shit they think you're a jerk. It's really some ass backwards shit.
Like Stockholm Syndrome. You guys get used to anything and even start to like it after a while. It's really sick the way you see battered women in relationships. You women, even if you don't get beaten with fists, you still get your vagina's pummled and anus' sodomized, as well as your emotions and your self esteem.
Sure, you're going to say you love it. Did you love it at first? Did you love it the first time? Maybe you did. Maybe you just got used to it.
Maybe you just never knew anything better. Never knew you could have, or still could have it so much better.
But you're stuck with the bottom of the barrel, because that's all you'll take. You accept whatever comes a long, and usually it's the biggest douche of a group of douchebags, but the most agressive and really high on coke. But he says the same thing to every single person and if you fall for it, I wouldn't want anything to do with you.
You even know it's an act or lie and you go along with it. It's disgusting.
True I am bitter. I wish I could be like those guys. I wish I had no morals or ethics or feelings. I wish I could just go to every single girl and use the same line and get laid.
I haven't ever wanted to do that. All I ever wanted was to have some good friends who were female, but I never found any female that wanted to just be friends. It's always some weird secret shit I don't understand, like I'm the boyfriend or something. I don't understand.
I have never understood, nobody ever talks to me or ever wants to talk to me. So I don't talk to anyone unless they talk to me first because people freak out crazy if I ever look at them and I'm not even exageratting. It's not funny, you have no idea what it's like.
I caould never explain and you could never know what it feels like. You have no idea. I couldn't even think of something to compare it to. BEcause everyone has someone to turn to.
I found out everyone, and I mean everyone I've ever known, especially my family, was completely lying to me and to everyone else about everything ever. I'm not even exageratting. Maybe a little. Nothing is 100% but like 99%.
I've lived in a city and community of patholgical liars my whole life. Every normal good, decent person has left Los Angeles, or at least where I am at, and all that's left are coked out gangsters, criminals, illegals, etc.
And anyone left is all torn up like me and slowly (or quickly for most) become scum just like them. Maybe this is the future of the world, but then the world will not last, becasue everyone here is a lying thief.
It only works when you have good, hardworking people to steal and cheat. When all the good normal people leave, you cant sell coke to other coke dealers, or steal from people who don't have anything.
Or if you do, you're just going to get it stolen from you.
I learn faster than a lot of people. The problem with society and relationships is that they are completely illogical. That's why really dumb people are really good with the women.
And really smart people are shy and have feelings and are sensitive, wheres the dummy doesn't care if he gets rejected. But then women like the dummies. But then they think theyre smart because the woman isn't that smart herself.
Wait, I'm not this bitter. Man, I wish I had a g/f, or even someone to call. But if I did I wouldnt call them because I;m fucking terrified of women. I never have anything to say.
I hate everything!!!!!!!
I