Hello there everyone, hope you're all doing ok. Welcome to my In General blog series. Where I just chat.
So if you saw my past blogs recently. You may know that I am saying that I am leaving when my membership expires in December. It was cause my mental health has been taking a beaten all year. But I know I ain't alone there. It's been a tough year for all of us. And yeah things have been mental. That's why I was saying I need a break away from this. But it won't be long at all. In fact I have been thinking about this a lot. And I have been as always getting support from a lot of people. Since I have been upfront with how I feel and I don't ask for anything. Hell I don't ask for forgiveness from the ppl I fell out with back in December last year. Since I am moved on as they are. Cause I'm more focused on the ones who are positive back. I've been getting a lot of good convos and also at the same time helping out ones who feel awful like myself, give them advice and support them.
Like a few days ago when helping out @nolajean with an appreciation post on my IG. I got me thinking, like my awesome chats on livestreams with the likes of @helenarae @marlene @evoke @phianixx and of course with @blaizee it got me thinking. It is positive thinking btw. It actually started when I saw in one story of @tink on Instagram that she was talking about her anxiety and struggles. I can relate to that. So I decided to do the appreciation post which is similar to my Appreciation Blogs here. I posted about her and how the notes she send me does mean a lot to me. Cause it was a reminder. Like all the notes/shoutouts/word/blogs about me. A reminder that I needed tbh. It's that the people I have supported do care about me as a person and do understand. Since their going thru it themselves. So it is a reminder that I have done good. I know I have make mistakes, I fucked up, said stupid stuff cause I got emotional, etc. But I know I have done good and a lot of people know I do mean well. Where the fallouts my fault? yes. But that's ok, shit happens. Luckily I haven't fallout with many people. Like my good friends I have made here. We are better mates than ever before. And that's what I'm doing with my head.
I am basically replacing my auto thoughts. Working hard on it. It's something I learned while reading up about mental health. Like the one model I have fallout with. It was a auto thought, a regret. Cause she was a mate and one of my all time favourite models on SG. And when she blocked me, I just decided to delete her blog and move on. Since I feel like I failed her as a mate. That was my auto thought. Well since I know that it's a problem, I've feel like I fix it by looking at the feedbacks I gotten. Like when I wrote that blog about @evoke and you see her showing appreciation to me. I just go to my head and go look at the positive feedback you get still, keep that in your head. Tell that ex auto thought of regret to fuck off. It's over. True fact, I got that new way now of me going to my negative thoughts and telling it to fuck off when I was watching To The Bone. Which is an awesome film btw and Keanu Reeves plays this Doctor who helps people with eating disorders like the main character played by Lily Collins. Basically I'll show you this clip.....
Don't worry it's not a spoiler. But basically that's what I'm been doing with myself. Going fuck off to my negative thoughts. What happen, it happened. I know I do my best, I know I am a good guy, I know all in good intentions and I know a lot of people know that. If they don't, that's their damn problem. But luckily it's rare. Also any toxic post I see, just ignore it and move on. I shouldn't let it get to me. Cause we all know most of the time ppl shitpost. I've done it myself but I try to not do that. If I feel burnt from online, take a break. As long as I want. No pressuring myself and that's what I've been doing.
I'm more focused on getting out & about. Like doing my walks as I usually do. But I'm also getting into golf atm. Since gyms are mostly shut down around my area due to the covid restrictions, cycling is not fun since there's traffic/roadworks everywhere, etc so I'm taking up Golf. Not the first time I have played Golf, I played it when I was younger but stop since it wasn't for me at the time since I wanted to do more fast paced stuff like skateboarding, BMX, street hockey, etc. I still love to do those stuff again in the future. Hoping for snowboarding in the future lol. But I think with my mental health, I need more refined activities and Golf is perfect. Been doing it since I played it in my mini vacation up at Piperdam back in the last week of July I think. And yeah got serious about it after saying I'm done with my FSS blog series.
It has got be better too, doing a lot of doing of what is good for me. I remember when I was reading @victoriaboness blog I believe and how she copes is hiking, being with her kid & her dog. And that work for her. So I was basically going "ok get my shit together and think what's good for you" and I think I have figured it out. Usually with my ASD, I'm usually slow at processing things you know. Like getting used to things. But I notice I have been getting a lot better at dealing with things like online, aim to please the people that are good to me back, stop being hard on myself, etc. I think I getting better mentally at a time where it is hard to cope sometimes but there's always a solution. It's some of the things I am picking up as I keep learning about how to be a better person. Learn as you go you know. I mean that's me with my time on here. Writing blogs, supporting models, etc. I'm definitely better than I was when I started. I mean all I was saying was "You are beautiful" to models in comments....well I still do that a few times. Only cause it's true lol. But if it's models I'm mates with. I usually properly comment and I'm usually make a joke cause I'm Scottish, that's what we do haha. Nah I love a banter and my model mates, photographer mates, member mates, etc love that about me. I don't ask for anything really except for a rare custom request since it does help out the models.
I mean see when you watch a YouTube video. How many times do they keep saying like, comment, subscribe, share and click that bloody bell icon? Too many god damn times, always annoys the shit out of me you know. Like come on entertain me motherfucker you know. Also it's a bit desperate. In my blogs and posts. I always say it's up to you. I don't get offended at all. Your choice. I'm grateful to the 396 people following me here or the 574 people following me on Instagram. They do it cause they want to. All I'm doing is supporting my favourite models and say to people to check them out. That's it. Following me isn't necessary. It is up to you and I am grateful to those that do. But I'm grateful to anyone that reads it nonetheless. Hell if there was a dislike button. I won't be offended. I mean it'll suck but yeah that's their opinion. Everyone has a right to an opinion. It's really how you execute that opinion. Nobody likes a dickhead you know. Always best to be critical if it's to help out. So I do my best to not be too strong with my opinion you know. One of my model mates said that I should be careful how I say things and she's right (not naming who). Hell one critique was that on my old twitter fan account when I was posting more NSFW pics in my first few post since I was testing the waters and also every other fan account supporting alt/glamour models where doing it, so I did it too. But one day one model (again no names) thank me and said to me politely that can you keep it SFW so it means it promotes her more. Ever since I keep it SFW. It definitely helped. Made me a better supporter/promoter/blogger. It helps.
So yeah I'm basically discovering a lot of more positive in my life than bad. In fact it's actually been good considering. I think sometimes the negatives outweigh the positives in your own head and it did with me. And also I'm always getting so much love and feedback from so many people. I think I have a boost of conference. I realise that I know I'm a good person and I know eventually people will rely on me eventually long term. Whatever happened in the past, it happened and I know I did do my best. Try to make amends but was decided. But yeah it happens and you know what. I got many friends, supporters, respect, love, understanding and appreciation from many people here and on Instagram. I'll let Leo in his film The Wolf Of Wall Street tell it, my announcement is....
Yeah you heard him I ain't leaving. I had some time to think about me want to leave in December when my membership expires. But I feel like if I need a break, take a break. But I'm not leaving SG. I'm here to stay. I have friends here, I do enjoy my time on here, reading other blogs here, helping models here, have a laugh here, the groups here, etc. I am not leaving. I do love all of yous and if I leave, I'll hate myself. Cause why ruin a great thing like being here where I work so hard on the blogs and build many awesome friendships here you know.
Especially since I do love supporting the models and writing blogs like this.
So now you know that I am staying and not let negative things put me down. What are my plans for my blogs? Well I'll still be doing the In General blogs, Hopeful Highlight blogs and Appreciation Blogs. But I will be doing a one off FSS Blog specials. Which are themed FSS blogs. For an example, I'll do like a France FSS of all my favourite models from France and stuff like that. Does that mean the FSS blogs will be back? well I'm doing my Favourite SG Sets stuff on Instagram for now but it'll be back one day. See what happens. But I love to do FSS one off special blogs.
So my first FSS Special Blog will be about Cosplay since it's near Halloween and I love to do a blog about it. It'll feature my favourite Cosplay themed sets on here and also I throw in Cosplay Set ideas for any models that are reading. I am actually looking so forward to writing that up. Seriously I'm a massive Cosplay fan since I'm a nerd like all of yous. Most of my ideas is video game related but I'll try to fit in Anime ideas cause you models love your anime lol. So yeah good times, noodle salad for that one.
Also if I get nominated for any Q&A blogs, I'll do those too. Cause I know people enjoy that and so do I, love Q&As. Prefer doing it here than on my IG since I have tried to do Q&As on there but no one bothered to ask me anything lol. Don't worry it's ok btw folks. I actually get it. So it's cool. Besides doing Q&As here is much better cause I can go in great detail. Prefer that tbh. Who knows maybe I'll do it in video form like @diamant did when I nominated her. Since you get to see me, why not. Think I'll do that next time. Since I feel a bit confident these days. Get out of my shell. We'll see.
So yeah also I love to do a new blog series too. Called Fury's Pickups. Which is me showing off what I brought recently since I love to collect video games, Blu Rays, CDs, Pop Funkos, etc. You know stuff like that since I know my good mate and fellow blogger @ojtheviking does his Book Blogs a lot too. So I thought why not show off my recent goodies that I added in my collection.
So yeah I'm sorry for those blogs. It has been a rough year and was down a lot. And I should have just shut up & have an offline. I'm sorry, I can be a overly sensitive idiot but I have been working on it and getting better at controlling and dealing with my emotions better.
So yeah I know yous understand and thank yous all. Really it is cause yous are awesome people. You kept me sane haha. Honestly I can't thank yous enough.
Like I keep saying, yous are the best since you know and understand how I feel. And I hope things get better or have been awesome for yous all. Thank yous!!
Anyway that's me done and dusted with another In General blog. Thank you for the reading and hope yous enjoy the upcoming blogs that I'll write up that hopefully people will enjoy. I aim to please lol.
So keep being awesome. This is Kevin saying thank you so much for reading my blog and take care of yourself & each other!!
@missy @rambo @sean @eirenne @lust @lemon @jacqueline @yessybear