Coffee And TV
So, I'm up late last nite watching the Terminator on TNT, when I'm reminded of a past scientific discovery. So check it; this chick in the movie who's about three and a half minutes away from being killed by Arnold (Who, upon reflection, shaved his eyebrows for the part) is in the kitchen dancing around in her undies listening to some god awful music on her headphones (I think it was Casio keyboard selection #182). What is the reason for this prancing about half naked in the kitchen? This unordained using of celery stalks as imaginary drumsticks while her boyfriend is quietly snoozing?
She just had unprotected sex.
"But Dave!" you may say. "I get sleepy and slip off to dreams filled with leggy Swedish women bearing pitchers of Pabst!"
Ah, that's because my dear friend, you are male. And based upon my theory you are having the natural reaction, which is to drop your sweet drooling face into your pillow eight seconds after orgasm. Now, the basis of my theory is such: sperm is loaded to the gills with a very highly concentrated form of caffeine. Ever spent the day masturbating to Mary Kate and Ashley videos and just feel so worn out you can barely hit the slow-mo button again? It's because that pile of kleenex on the floor is housing the only form of motivation we as men posess.
Now, once again, this is a simple fact. After the male orgasm, said male will generally fall asleep. Which brings us back to our original case study. The girl with the teased hair that's roughly *checks his watch* 45 seconds away from being shot in the back by a cyborg from the future.
Why is she so vibrant? So alive? The answer lies in the powder keg of seminal energy that's being burned off by her body. As she's dancing around in her Marky Mark undies, her body is doing it's best to break down this influx of added stimulant and trying to regain a natural balance (Side note: look into why she is making the peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Peanut juices may be an undiscovered sedative used to help negate the natural chemical reactions). Simply put, she's high on the love.
Now ladies, you may ask me why you don't leap out of bed a-tap tap tappin' your way to the fridge after you've had unprotected sex. This is due to the common male affliction known as "lazy sperm". You may have heard that term from "thirtysomething" or some other equally melodramatic television show where one whiny bitch is complaining about not being able to knock up another whiny bitch. Lazy sperm is sperm that is not heavily fortified with this distilled form of caffeine. It's sperm that likes to watch TeeVee with it's hand down it's pants and an open bag of Cheetos.
Uh oh.. our case study is running down the hallway and.. ooh, yesss, there's the shotgun blast to the spinal column.
And so this concludes our case study into the stimulant known as spermatoza, please check back with us tomorrow when we take a look into bedwetting. Fact? Or gnomes who like to put my hand in warm water?
Wait, I mean.. no, not my hand... I only meant...
Shit.
So, I'm up late last nite watching the Terminator on TNT, when I'm reminded of a past scientific discovery. So check it; this chick in the movie who's about three and a half minutes away from being killed by Arnold (Who, upon reflection, shaved his eyebrows for the part) is in the kitchen dancing around in her undies listening to some god awful music on her headphones (I think it was Casio keyboard selection #182). What is the reason for this prancing about half naked in the kitchen? This unordained using of celery stalks as imaginary drumsticks while her boyfriend is quietly snoozing?
She just had unprotected sex.
"But Dave!" you may say. "I get sleepy and slip off to dreams filled with leggy Swedish women bearing pitchers of Pabst!"
Ah, that's because my dear friend, you are male. And based upon my theory you are having the natural reaction, which is to drop your sweet drooling face into your pillow eight seconds after orgasm. Now, the basis of my theory is such: sperm is loaded to the gills with a very highly concentrated form of caffeine. Ever spent the day masturbating to Mary Kate and Ashley videos and just feel so worn out you can barely hit the slow-mo button again? It's because that pile of kleenex on the floor is housing the only form of motivation we as men posess.
Now, once again, this is a simple fact. After the male orgasm, said male will generally fall asleep. Which brings us back to our original case study. The girl with the teased hair that's roughly *checks his watch* 45 seconds away from being shot in the back by a cyborg from the future.
Why is she so vibrant? So alive? The answer lies in the powder keg of seminal energy that's being burned off by her body. As she's dancing around in her Marky Mark undies, her body is doing it's best to break down this influx of added stimulant and trying to regain a natural balance (Side note: look into why she is making the peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Peanut juices may be an undiscovered sedative used to help negate the natural chemical reactions). Simply put, she's high on the love.
Now ladies, you may ask me why you don't leap out of bed a-tap tap tappin' your way to the fridge after you've had unprotected sex. This is due to the common male affliction known as "lazy sperm". You may have heard that term from "thirtysomething" or some other equally melodramatic television show where one whiny bitch is complaining about not being able to knock up another whiny bitch. Lazy sperm is sperm that is not heavily fortified with this distilled form of caffeine. It's sperm that likes to watch TeeVee with it's hand down it's pants and an open bag of Cheetos.
Uh oh.. our case study is running down the hallway and.. ooh, yesss, there's the shotgun blast to the spinal column.
And so this concludes our case study into the stimulant known as spermatoza, please check back with us tomorrow when we take a look into bedwetting. Fact? Or gnomes who like to put my hand in warm water?
Wait, I mean.. no, not my hand... I only meant...
Shit.
swingkitten:
It's always the gnomes.
ragingwhore42:
hehe-wow way too much thought there-it has to go somewhere i suppose-and at least you just proved you think. i always dance after sex-but it's cause johnny cash is on the stereo.