kundalini

Have you ever been alone so much and for so long that you forgot how to communicate? Every unsuccessful attempt at connecting with another human being just increases the emptiness exponentially. If I could have one wish, I'd wish to be oblivious to my own needs. Why do we as human beings need to be around other humans? Or perhaps, more to the immediate point, why do I need to be around other people...? I'm the original loner, never had a friend who couldn't find someone better to be friends with... and here I sit. I've gone to the gym as usual (keeps me from going insane and punching everyone who offends me,) I've gone to class, (Oh, Katherine...) but I haven't said so much as three sentences in three days. I sound like an idiot when I do talk, I have no concept of timing and other conversational cues, so I come off like some sort of autistic savant. How can a dillettante like me be at a loss for something to say...? I know something about almost everything, and some things I know almost everything about, like classic literature, world history, psychology, the culture and history of super heroes (it's a childhood fascination morphed into an academic pursuit and study,) and video games. I may as well write. I write some of the worst poetry produced in the western hemisphere, well probably some of the worst ever produced in the English language over the millenia since the language has been slowly evolving into a significant social and political force. I suppose I could take some pictures too, I have some black and white self portraits that I'm particulary fond of that are too big to post here on the site, athough in truth, if I take a picture that has some artistic quality, then it is an accident. I have as much talent with a camera as I have with a pen. I look back on what I've been writing here and I see that all I'm doing is complaining. I don't want to be known as someone who is too busy bitching about the state of things to make some sort of positive change in the situation, so I'm going to stuff a sock in it. It is good that I got it out of my system though, I feel a little better...