Hi SG land! Hope you are are doing great my wonderful people!
My start in 2020 is not that bad. I have added major changes to my appearance that I have been craving for - dreadlocks and new tattoo. I am progressing slowly with my work. I try to make my content more diverse and of better quality. I am happy with every small achievement and victory.
Yet at times I feel totally numb and frustrated. Will I ever get over that my relationship is ruined? My life is so empty now. I cannot talk to people or even look through their social media pages. I feel miserable when I see how happy they are in their familirs and relationships... or how they are coping more or less successfully. I am not jelaous of their happiness and I don't want them to lose their love but I just feel myself a loser in comparison with them who failed in his marriage.
So I am alone most of the times, either working hard and feeling content with that or procrastinating and hating myself for it.
Generally I feel not that good mentally. I have started new pills yesterday and hope they will work.
I got some news for you. Next week I am going to St. Petersbourg for 5 days (those who watch my lives already know that). I am going there to do shootings. I am going to shoot 3 (!) new sets for Suicidegirls and to have a number of photoshoots with different photographers besided that. I am very excited about that (sometimes. Sometimes I am totally indifferent😕) and I hope nothing goes wrong bevause I have invested a lot of money in that. I want to thank everyone who has supported me so far with buying my content - it us because of you that I can afford this journey! Big thanks also to those who are supporting me with your good words - you are inspiring me not to give up on my plans. Hope you will love the fruits of my work in St. Petersbourg.
I will probably have a chance to meet some Russian SGs and Hopefuls in St. Petersbourg. Would be totally mind-blowing to see those beautiful and strong girls who inspire me so much in real life.
@missy @rambo @eirenne @sean
