If there is anything that inspires me anymore, it's Eminem's music. Lately its been this particular song that I keep playing on repeat. Maybe its because I feel like I want to get away from here so often anymore, though I don't have any drug problems or alcohol problems like the song describes, I think some other addictions are equally as bad.
"As I, fall deeper into a manic state,
I'm a prime candidate for the gene to receive the drug addict trait.
Blood pressure climbs at a dramatic rate.
I seem to grab a take to the bottle of Nyquill then I salivate.
Start off with a Nyquill, like "I think I'll just have a taste".
Couple of sips of that, then I gradually graduate,
To a harder prescription drug called Valium, like yeah that's great.
I go to just take one, and I end up like having eight.
Now I need something in my stomach 'cause I haven't ate.
Maybe I'll grab a plate of nachos and I'll have a steak,
And you'd think that with all I have at stake.
Look at my daughters face, "Mommy, something is wrong with Dad, I think!
He's acting weird again, he's really beginning to scare me.
Won't shave his beard again, and he pretends he doesn't hear me.
And all he does is eat doritos and cheetos and he just,
Fell asleep in his car readin' three musketeers in the rear seat".
[Chorus]
Sometimes I feel so alone, I just don't know.
Feels like I been down this road before.
So lonely and cold, it's like something takes over me,
As soon as I go home and close the door.
Kinda feels like deja vu, I wanna get away from this place I do.
But I can't, and I won't, say I try, but I know, that's a lie, 'cause I don't,
And why I just don't know.
[Verse 2]
Maybe just a nice cold brew, what's a beer?
That's the devil in my ear, I've been sober a fuckin' year,
And that fucker still talks to me, he's all I can fuckin' hear.
"Marshall cmon' we'll watch the game, it's the Cowboys and Buccaneers",
And maybe if I just drink half, I'll be half buzzed for half of the time.
Who's the mastermind behind that little line?
With that kinda rationale, man I got half a mind,
To have another half a glass of wine, sounds asinine,
Yeah I know, But I never had no problem with alcohol.
Ouch look out for the wall, aim for the couch, I'm 'bout to fall.
I missed the couch and down I go lookin' like a bouncing ball.
Shit musta knocked me out, 'cause I ain't feel the ground at all.
Wow, what the fuck happened last night, where am I?
Man, Fuck am I hungover, and god damn I,
Got a headache, should have a vicodin? Why can't I?
All systems ready for takeoff, please standbye.
[Chorus]
Sometimes I feel so alone, I just don't know,
Feels like I been down this road before.
So lonely and cold, it's like something takes over me,
As soon as I go home and close the door.
Kinda feels like deja vu, I wanna get away from this place I do.
But I can't, and I won't, say I try, but I know, that's a lie, 'cause I don't,
And why I just don't know.
[Verse 3]
So I take a vicodin splash, it hit's my stomach then *Ahh*.
Couple of weeks go by, it ain't even like I'm gettin' high.
Now I need it to just not to feel sick, yeah I'm gettin' .
Wouldn't even be taking this shit if DeShaun didn't die.
Oh yeah, there's an excuse, you lose Proof so you use,
There's new rules, it's cool if it's helping you to get through.
It's 12 noon, ain't no harm in self inducing a snooze,
What else is new, fuck it, what would Elvis do in your shoes.
Now here I am 3 months later, full blown relapse.
Just get high until the kids get home from school holmes relax.
And since I'm convinced that I'm an insomniac,
I need these pills to be able to sleep, so I take 3 naps.
Just to be able to function throughout the day.
Let's see, that's an ambien each nap, how many valium, 3?
And that will average out to about one good hours sleep.
Ok so now ya see, the reason how come he,
Has taken 4 years, to just put out an album, B.
See me and you, we almost had the same outcome, Heath,
Cause that christmas, you know the whole pneumonia thing?
It was bologna, was it the methadone ya think?
but the hydrocodone, you hide inside your pornos,
Your VCR tape cases, put your ambience, see are great places to hide em ain't it?
So you can lie to Hailie, I'm going beddie bye Whitney baby, goodnight Alaina.
Go in the room and shut the bedroom door,
And wake up in an ambulance, they said they found me on the bathroom floor, damn.
[Chorus]
Sometimes I feel so alone, I just don't know
Feels like I been down this road before
So lonely and cold, it's like something takes over me
As soon as I go home and close the door
Kinda feels like deja vu, I wanna get away from this place I do
But I can't, and I won't, say I try, but I know, that's a lie, 'cause I don't
And why I just don't know".
"As I, fall deeper into a manic state,
I'm a prime candidate for the gene to receive the drug addict trait.
Blood pressure climbs at a dramatic rate.
I seem to grab a take to the bottle of Nyquill then I salivate.
Start off with a Nyquill, like "I think I'll just have a taste".
Couple of sips of that, then I gradually graduate,
To a harder prescription drug called Valium, like yeah that's great.
I go to just take one, and I end up like having eight.
Now I need something in my stomach 'cause I haven't ate.
Maybe I'll grab a plate of nachos and I'll have a steak,
And you'd think that with all I have at stake.
Look at my daughters face, "Mommy, something is wrong with Dad, I think!
He's acting weird again, he's really beginning to scare me.
Won't shave his beard again, and he pretends he doesn't hear me.
And all he does is eat doritos and cheetos and he just,
Fell asleep in his car readin' three musketeers in the rear seat".
[Chorus]
Sometimes I feel so alone, I just don't know.
Feels like I been down this road before.
So lonely and cold, it's like something takes over me,
As soon as I go home and close the door.
Kinda feels like deja vu, I wanna get away from this place I do.
But I can't, and I won't, say I try, but I know, that's a lie, 'cause I don't,
And why I just don't know.
[Verse 2]
Maybe just a nice cold brew, what's a beer?
That's the devil in my ear, I've been sober a fuckin' year,
And that fucker still talks to me, he's all I can fuckin' hear.
"Marshall cmon' we'll watch the game, it's the Cowboys and Buccaneers",
And maybe if I just drink half, I'll be half buzzed for half of the time.
Who's the mastermind behind that little line?
With that kinda rationale, man I got half a mind,
To have another half a glass of wine, sounds asinine,
Yeah I know, But I never had no problem with alcohol.
Ouch look out for the wall, aim for the couch, I'm 'bout to fall.
I missed the couch and down I go lookin' like a bouncing ball.
Shit musta knocked me out, 'cause I ain't feel the ground at all.
Wow, what the fuck happened last night, where am I?
Man, Fuck am I hungover, and god damn I,
Got a headache, should have a vicodin? Why can't I?
All systems ready for takeoff, please standbye.
[Chorus]
Sometimes I feel so alone, I just don't know,
Feels like I been down this road before.
So lonely and cold, it's like something takes over me,
As soon as I go home and close the door.
Kinda feels like deja vu, I wanna get away from this place I do.
But I can't, and I won't, say I try, but I know, that's a lie, 'cause I don't,
And why I just don't know.
[Verse 3]
So I take a vicodin splash, it hit's my stomach then *Ahh*.
Couple of weeks go by, it ain't even like I'm gettin' high.
Now I need it to just not to feel sick, yeah I'm gettin' .
Wouldn't even be taking this shit if DeShaun didn't die.
Oh yeah, there's an excuse, you lose Proof so you use,
There's new rules, it's cool if it's helping you to get through.
It's 12 noon, ain't no harm in self inducing a snooze,
What else is new, fuck it, what would Elvis do in your shoes.
Now here I am 3 months later, full blown relapse.
Just get high until the kids get home from school holmes relax.
And since I'm convinced that I'm an insomniac,
I need these pills to be able to sleep, so I take 3 naps.
Just to be able to function throughout the day.
Let's see, that's an ambien each nap, how many valium, 3?
And that will average out to about one good hours sleep.
Ok so now ya see, the reason how come he,
Has taken 4 years, to just put out an album, B.
See me and you, we almost had the same outcome, Heath,
Cause that christmas, you know the whole pneumonia thing?
It was bologna, was it the methadone ya think?
but the hydrocodone, you hide inside your pornos,
Your VCR tape cases, put your ambience, see are great places to hide em ain't it?
So you can lie to Hailie, I'm going beddie bye Whitney baby, goodnight Alaina.
Go in the room and shut the bedroom door,
And wake up in an ambulance, they said they found me on the bathroom floor, damn.
[Chorus]
Sometimes I feel so alone, I just don't know
Feels like I been down this road before
So lonely and cold, it's like something takes over me
As soon as I go home and close the door
Kinda feels like deja vu, I wanna get away from this place I do
But I can't, and I won't, say I try, but I know, that's a lie, 'cause I don't
And why I just don't know".
ohyea:
i still think "kill you" is one of the most brilliant songs ever written