A few updates
1-still waitressing at the awful waffle. still working more than i'm getting paid... i understand that some people can't afford to tip well... but a heads up... most servers get 2.13 an hour... and if you pay for a 10 dollar meal with a 20, you can afford a three or four dollar tip.
2-still single, still loving it. Had a sort of date last night, and a sort of date tonight. different guys both times... different eateries... I am really beginning to enjoy small bouts of cuisine from the most unexpected places... like... sushi and bud lite at houlihans... corona and burritos at chipotle... etc.
3- I got a new dog... A registered german shephard named Dinah. She's a year old and fully trained... and a perfect angel. I love her to death, and she keeps me from getting lonely on the off nights.
4-Christmas with my mother didn't go so bad. We refrained from fighting, she loved the watch I bought her, and I got a new pair of shoes. Brown and light pink Vans. For those who don't know me well... I love shoes... Comfy shoes. I'm not one of those females who owns 1000 pairs of high heels I never wear... I'm one of those females who owns 7 pairs of tennis shoes so I have something that matches every outfit for every day of the week... And yes, skate shoes go VERY well with skirts and leggings.
5-Money is still and always will be an issue, as with every other person on the planet. Each night I work brings me closer to getting out of debt, but my number one priority is making sure I have a place to stay this winter, food, and heat. I lived in my car for a year... I can't do that now, since my car wreck, I still haven't been able to save enough money for a coat, let alone a car. It's jackets and rent for the time being... I'll get to those student loans later
6-Drinking is for the birds. I used to drink constantly. That's why I don't have a higher education. That's part of the reason I could never pay my rent, or keep a job, etc etc. A few weeks ago one of my best friends from my past came to stay with me, and we drank. Alot. It led to doing things I normally wouldn't have done, including blowing off my friends, my responsibilities, and a few of my sexual and moral inhibitions. Once again, I'm off the vodka.
7-Attempts to quit smoking have continued to fail. Eventually I will really want it, and will give it up for good. For now, it's my only vice.
8-I'm still sick. Chronic Bronchitis kicks my ass four months out of the year. I'm going on month three of it. One more to go, then when the weather is a bit more stable, I'll be fine. I just have to grin and bear it, keep popping sudafed and mucinex and puff the old inhaler. I can't afford time off work any more than I can afford medical bills... But don't worry, I'm not going to croak out any time soon.
9- The christmas tree is up, and for the first time in five years, there are presents under it that are _from_ me. It feels good to be able to give to someone, especially this fabricated family I have built for myself. I come from a big family, but we were never close, and were mostly toxic for eachother... But the family I have created is perfect, and we love eachother very much. It feels good to surround myself with people who care about me and appreciate all that I have to offer. And I equally appreciate them. This is one holiday where I won't be alone.
10- I'm still not producing eggs, which is to be expected. I still can't afford to take the metformin regularly. However, I am alot more active than I've been in years, and I'm shedding pounds like shark teeth and some days I barely recognize myself when I look in the mirror. More and more I find that I like who I see. I may never be perfect, I may never be 100% recovered from everything that's happened to me, physically and mentally, but I can get better, and with each passing day, I do just that. I improve. That's the best feeling in the world.
11- I am happy, healthy, welcome, and loved. I am safe, abundant, and worthy of love. Each day I get better and better, and I am capable of accomplishing all of my dreams. I may never be a rock superstar, my fame may never be great. I may not mean everything to everyone, but to those that I mean anything to, I bring happiness and love.
12- I may not bring you comfort, but at least I bring you hope... Hope that no matter what you're going through, no matter what plagues you, someone out there has been standing on the same ledge you're thinking of jumping off of now... And that person walked away a better, stronger person. I bring you hope that no matter how low you feel... Tomorrow brings a better day, and soon, a better year. You can overcome and rise above any situation in your life, I am living proof.
13-love--- I hope that you know that I love you. I love you for your flaws, your imperfections... I love you for your vices and your handicaps, and I love you inspite of your belief that you are unlovable. I love you for the way your voice strains and cracks when you sing sinatra in the shower... I love you for the way your tongue falls out the side of your mouth when you're concentrating, the way you slur your words when you've had to much to drink, and how you don't know your own strength. I love that theres nothing more important to you than your friends and your family and you would fight for the death to keep them safe and happy, or to defend thier honor. I love you when you screw up and are sure you're headed straight for hell, I love your faith in god and the sparkle in your eyes when you talk about your kids. I love your foolish pride for your most meager accomplishments, and your humble way of shrugging off compliments on those things you've done great. I love where your loyalties lie, and that you have such attachment that you can't leave your family for more than two weeks without worrying about how they are getting along without you.
And I love that no matter how much I love you, or how much you love me... Or how great our attraction to eachother is... You would never compromise me in any way for fear of hurting all that we have as best friends. And as much as I hate knowing that we're perfect for eachother and can never be together... As much as it hurts to not be able to have you as my own... I love that you love me too much to risk what we already are.
i think that's enough for this month. <3
1-still waitressing at the awful waffle. still working more than i'm getting paid... i understand that some people can't afford to tip well... but a heads up... most servers get 2.13 an hour... and if you pay for a 10 dollar meal with a 20, you can afford a three or four dollar tip.
2-still single, still loving it. Had a sort of date last night, and a sort of date tonight. different guys both times... different eateries... I am really beginning to enjoy small bouts of cuisine from the most unexpected places... like... sushi and bud lite at houlihans... corona and burritos at chipotle... etc.
3- I got a new dog... A registered german shephard named Dinah. She's a year old and fully trained... and a perfect angel. I love her to death, and she keeps me from getting lonely on the off nights.
4-Christmas with my mother didn't go so bad. We refrained from fighting, she loved the watch I bought her, and I got a new pair of shoes. Brown and light pink Vans. For those who don't know me well... I love shoes... Comfy shoes. I'm not one of those females who owns 1000 pairs of high heels I never wear... I'm one of those females who owns 7 pairs of tennis shoes so I have something that matches every outfit for every day of the week... And yes, skate shoes go VERY well with skirts and leggings.
5-Money is still and always will be an issue, as with every other person on the planet. Each night I work brings me closer to getting out of debt, but my number one priority is making sure I have a place to stay this winter, food, and heat. I lived in my car for a year... I can't do that now, since my car wreck, I still haven't been able to save enough money for a coat, let alone a car. It's jackets and rent for the time being... I'll get to those student loans later
6-Drinking is for the birds. I used to drink constantly. That's why I don't have a higher education. That's part of the reason I could never pay my rent, or keep a job, etc etc. A few weeks ago one of my best friends from my past came to stay with me, and we drank. Alot. It led to doing things I normally wouldn't have done, including blowing off my friends, my responsibilities, and a few of my sexual and moral inhibitions. Once again, I'm off the vodka.
7-Attempts to quit smoking have continued to fail. Eventually I will really want it, and will give it up for good. For now, it's my only vice.
8-I'm still sick. Chronic Bronchitis kicks my ass four months out of the year. I'm going on month three of it. One more to go, then when the weather is a bit more stable, I'll be fine. I just have to grin and bear it, keep popping sudafed and mucinex and puff the old inhaler. I can't afford time off work any more than I can afford medical bills... But don't worry, I'm not going to croak out any time soon.
9- The christmas tree is up, and for the first time in five years, there are presents under it that are _from_ me. It feels good to be able to give to someone, especially this fabricated family I have built for myself. I come from a big family, but we were never close, and were mostly toxic for eachother... But the family I have created is perfect, and we love eachother very much. It feels good to surround myself with people who care about me and appreciate all that I have to offer. And I equally appreciate them. This is one holiday where I won't be alone.
10- I'm still not producing eggs, which is to be expected. I still can't afford to take the metformin regularly. However, I am alot more active than I've been in years, and I'm shedding pounds like shark teeth and some days I barely recognize myself when I look in the mirror. More and more I find that I like who I see. I may never be perfect, I may never be 100% recovered from everything that's happened to me, physically and mentally, but I can get better, and with each passing day, I do just that. I improve. That's the best feeling in the world.
11- I am happy, healthy, welcome, and loved. I am safe, abundant, and worthy of love. Each day I get better and better, and I am capable of accomplishing all of my dreams. I may never be a rock superstar, my fame may never be great. I may not mean everything to everyone, but to those that I mean anything to, I bring happiness and love.
12- I may not bring you comfort, but at least I bring you hope... Hope that no matter what you're going through, no matter what plagues you, someone out there has been standing on the same ledge you're thinking of jumping off of now... And that person walked away a better, stronger person. I bring you hope that no matter how low you feel... Tomorrow brings a better day, and soon, a better year. You can overcome and rise above any situation in your life, I am living proof.
13-love--- I hope that you know that I love you. I love you for your flaws, your imperfections... I love you for your vices and your handicaps, and I love you inspite of your belief that you are unlovable. I love you for the way your voice strains and cracks when you sing sinatra in the shower... I love you for the way your tongue falls out the side of your mouth when you're concentrating, the way you slur your words when you've had to much to drink, and how you don't know your own strength. I love that theres nothing more important to you than your friends and your family and you would fight for the death to keep them safe and happy, or to defend thier honor. I love you when you screw up and are sure you're headed straight for hell, I love your faith in god and the sparkle in your eyes when you talk about your kids. I love your foolish pride for your most meager accomplishments, and your humble way of shrugging off compliments on those things you've done great. I love where your loyalties lie, and that you have such attachment that you can't leave your family for more than two weeks without worrying about how they are getting along without you.
And I love that no matter how much I love you, or how much you love me... Or how great our attraction to eachother is... You would never compromise me in any way for fear of hurting all that we have as best friends. And as much as I hate knowing that we're perfect for eachother and can never be together... As much as it hurts to not be able to have you as my own... I love that you love me too much to risk what we already are.
i think that's enough for this month. <3
andrewkryptonite:
Good outlook and I'm glad to see things are going well. Merry Christmas.
gujsel:
MY SWEETY SWEETY SWEETY FRIEND .....FOR YOU ....
