Here recently I've felt like nothing makes sense anymore. Ugh. I don't know what I want out of life. I always thought I just wanted someone to love me, but now I think that's changed. I am OK with being single now. I don't actually want to be with anyone right now. I mean, I've went on a couple of dates recently(Took quite a bit out of me, and made me feel guilty as hell at first...more on that in a few paragraphs) but I just don't want to be with anyone...like long-term. I'm so afraid of being stuck here in this town...in this area at all. I'm considering transferring schools next semester and going out of state. Maybe doing some other major. Or just taking a break and doing some sight-seeing for a while. I want to know what I want, before I commit my whole life to it. I want to do and see everything first. I want to get my own car, and take a road trip, and make a friend in a foreign county and go see my friend in the foreign country. haha. I want to do it all! But really, I sort of just want to move to a new state. I just want to be me, but a better me. I know it sounds so cliche, right? I've never even seen the movie "Eat, Pray, Love" but I feel like the main character. I want to do IT ALL! Like, I want to discover something I've never seen before, and I want to document it al lin photos. I want to...blub. I dunno. Everything? How do you put that into words?
Anywho, on the dates. I've mentioned it quite a bit, but there's that dude(David) and I screwed him over before and he said "You don't talk about the future with someone and then go be with someone else" or something to that effect, and it really made me think. Well, we've been talking and stuff, but here recently he's been really distant. (Do I have any right to be surprised? Isn't that the way it goes? You decide to stop doing stuff for someone, and then they decide you're not worth their time. Either way, I tried to not let that get to me and I went on a couple of dates, and I don't know. It just made me feel...shitty. Like I was cheating or something. I hate always feeling like I owe people things. I don't know him or owe him anything, but I can't get over that feeling. Blub. I'm pathetic. And I don't want to feel this way anymore. I want to be happy with just me and who I am. Like, I'm not having too much trouble being alone in the world. (Like, single alone. Not real alone. I do have my friends and family.) I just want to feel...joyous. All the time. Or at least most. Fuck teenage angst. I wanna know how it all turns out.
Moving on from that...blub life. Just saying. Somebody be my sugar daddy, and take me travelling with you?
Haha. I'm fun, and worth it. I swear. 
So, here's some random ass photos. xD
Look at all of the pretty pictures of me. Any thoughts? Yes, I'm fishing for compliments. Give them to me.
Anywho, on the dates. I've mentioned it quite a bit, but there's that dude(David) and I screwed him over before and he said "You don't talk about the future with someone and then go be with someone else" or something to that effect, and it really made me think. Well, we've been talking and stuff, but here recently he's been really distant. (Do I have any right to be surprised? Isn't that the way it goes? You decide to stop doing stuff for someone, and then they decide you're not worth their time. Either way, I tried to not let that get to me and I went on a couple of dates, and I don't know. It just made me feel...shitty. Like I was cheating or something. I hate always feeling like I owe people things. I don't know him or owe him anything, but I can't get over that feeling. Blub. I'm pathetic. And I don't want to feel this way anymore. I want to be happy with just me and who I am. Like, I'm not having too much trouble being alone in the world. (Like, single alone. Not real alone. I do have my friends and family.) I just want to feel...joyous. All the time. Or at least most. Fuck teenage angst. I wanna know how it all turns out.
Moving on from that...blub life. Just saying. Somebody be my sugar daddy, and take me travelling with you?
Haha. I'm fun, and worth it. I swear.
So, here's some random ass photos. xD
Look at all of the pretty pictures of me.
Any thoughts? Yes, I'm fishing for compliments. Give them to me.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
abjabber:
You look to be a happy healthy person with ambition, granted it is a small window I'm looking through. I have felt many of the emotions you describe and myself moved to a brand new state on a whim and it turned out to be the greatest decision of my life. Follow your heart but don't forget to use your head and everything will come together as it should. Nice to meet you and thanks for sharing that small window into yourself with all of us. It takes courage to open up.
krissyjean:
Well, thank you everyone. All of you have given me a great deal to think about. I intend to make moves towards the progress I'm looking for. I want to do something beautiful. I intend to start trying new things to see if I'm good at any of them.