It's true story time again........
"A pill to make you numb/A pill to make you dumb/A pill to make you anybody else/but all the drugs in this world, won't save her from herself...." - Marilyn Manson
Her name was Rosie, short for Rosalba. A slim hispanic girl with long curly black hair, fair skin, large dark eyes, and high cheekbones.
I got to know her in my senior year of high school through a group of skaters I started hanging out with. I had a crush on this girl but she was dating Bobby. Things probably wouldn't have gotten so bad had it not been for this kid Mike, whom everyone referred to by the nickname of Fish. He also had a thing for Rosie and would resort to anything to have her or at least sabotage her relationship with whoever she was dating.
Things were cool in "the crew" for a while. This "crew" was referred to as the Polyfoniks clique, referring to a band/skateboarding team that was supposedly going to consist of some of the people in this group, and the rest would be some sort of entourage. Over time things started to crumble...
The beginning of the end was some vague rumor that Rosie had cheated on Bobby. It was totally untrue. That day outside the school during lunch, the whole "crew" turned their backs on her, except for me. I did my best to comfort her; playing the unsung hero as per the usual.
Over time, more and more rumors would be instigated by Fish; resulting in Rosie being ostracized for a period of time. In retrospect, I now see that Fish intended to wear her down till she was vulnerable and then "move in for the kill". Definitely a "if I can't have you then no one will" routine going on. I remember walking over to talk to Rosie and her friend turned to me and yelled "ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE ASSHOLES!" She was right.
Many guys wanted to go out with Rosie. As if this wasn't difficult enough, life at home wasn't that pleasant either, and she would get shit from her hispanic friends because she couldn't speak spanish and listened to Alternative music. They would scold her saying she was "trying to be white". I was disgusted by that b/c she's allowed to listen to whatever she wants to, it doesn't make her or anyone less hispanic. I could go off an a huge tangent listing the names of hispanics who have made huge contributions to the world of rock, alternative and metal, but I won't.
At some point Rosie broke up with Bobby and started dating a druggy named Danny. She started hanging out with the real sleazy crowds. Later on the whole "Polyfoniks" crew became way too self-conscious about keeping out the "posers" for their own good. This was the first actual "group" I ever hung out with. Eventually it became very clear to me that these guys had become just a different version of the jocks and preps. Some lines were drawn in the sand as to who was "in the crew" or not. I was no longer in it, and Bobby and Jeff left. Not too long after that I didn't care anymore. I realized that whatever I thought I had in common with them was vague at best. Eventually I started hanging out with my friend Dave more and also with the group that surrounded a band named Salty Black Flour. Unlike Polyfoniks, this was an ACTUAL band. Furthermore, there was no self-concsious posturing: it was a group of creative and individualistic people with a common love and respect for the band and its members. I wish I found those guys sooner.
Back to Rosie: over time, I noticed her eyes started to look worse and worse. She'd pile on heavy amounts of blue eyeshadow (her favorite color) but I still knew something awful was happening.
"All this talk of getting old/it's getting me down my love/Like the cat in a bag, ready to drown/ This time I'm comin' down/ And I hope you're thinkin' of me/as you lay down on your side/Now the drugs don't work/they just make your worse but I know I'll see your face again/Now the drugs don't work/they just make you worse but I know I'll see your face
again" - The Verve
At some point I wrote a long letter asking her out and how she should try to distance herself from all these people who were trying to take advantage of her. At the end of the letter I included a quote from
a song by Everclear: "Forget about all the losers that we know/Forget about all the memories that keep you down/Forget about them, we can lose them in the sparkle and fade/ The sparkle and fade.....fall glimmer sparkle and fade". (how high school can ya get? then again, it was high school anyways) She wrote back to me saying that what I said was "very sweet" but she was still stuck on Danny. I can't remember the rest of the letter.
Outside of my first period study hall, I would wait where Rosie would sometimes pass by. When I saw her, I'd walk with her to class to see how she was doing. Most of the time, I would wait and wait and she wouldn't come. I saw less and less of her. Apparently she was getting into drugs with Danny and all his friends. I remember overhearing some conversation about cocaine and how she "only tried a little".
Sitting in Social Studies, my friend Damien gave me the crushing news. I asked if he knew what happened to her. He said she got really drunk at a party and was in such a daze she couldn't recognize anyone. She was coazed into giving blow jobs to SEVEN different guys.
I was devastated. I somehow managed to hold myself together for the rest of the school day till I got home where I absolutely went to pieces. Rosie got kicked out of the house by her parents over the matter, and moved in with an aunt of hers. I distanced myself from her, the "clique", and everything. Getting over Rosie wasn't easy though. A great deal of the poems I wrote that summer were about her.
Fastforward to my second semester at a communitcy college. I met up with Danny the day my band was going to play a show at a school festival. I told him about the show even though I had hated his guts cuz I was totally pumped. Eventually we started talking about Rosie:
Danny had sobered up and distanced himself from the druggy crowd. He was at that party where the incident with Rosie took place. He was sober and trying desperately to get her out of there b/c he was afraid something bad was goint to happen to her. She kept saying "NO" so he left her there. He confessed that he had been a total scumbag to her and he did his best to change his ways and get her out of the druggy scene.
Ironically a song that reminded him of Rosie's stubborness and infidelity was "Like A Friend" by Pulp, a song that was also a favorite of mine off the "Great Expectations" soundtrack.
He then told me that at some point Rosie had been gang raped by FOUR guys. She wrote a poem about it and read it in front of a class and had everyone in tears.I was horrified by the news, but also elated that she not only worked her way to overcome it but also to do it through words.
Danny also told me that Rosie herself said that if she had not been so stuck on him, then she would have gone out with ME. At this point, it became clear that even if she did date me, she most likely would not have remained faithful. So it's probably just as well I guess.....
I can't express how glad I was to have this conversation with Dan. He said "Dude, you must've HATED me!" I laughed and said "Man you don't know the half!"
---
Shortly before my move to MA, I walked into a CVS and there was Rosie working at the counter. Eyes back to their full beautiful splendor and sporting a golden brown tan. She looked more beautiful and alive than she ever did before. She was working there and living in a foster home. Eventually she would be moving to Minneapolis with her Aunt to start a new life, which is exactly what she needed to do; to get the hell out of town and start all over.
Before I left, I bought her a blue (her favorite color) clothbound notebook from Borders. I met her at a friends house and gave her the book along with a letter that explained everything my point of view, along with a list of authors I suggested she check out. I wanted to do my part to further encouarge her writing. She loved the book. We gave each other a really long hug and she said "this isn't goodbye, this is see you later".
I never saw or heard from Rosie after that. But that's okay. I'm sure she's fine now.
At the end of the letter, was my goodbye, a quote from a song
"Close your eyes and I'll kiss you cuz with the birds I'll share...../ With the birds I'll share this lonley view/With the birds I'll share this lonely view....." - Red Hot Chili Peppers
THE END
I guess the moral of the story is the point I made in a previous journal entry about guys who try to be "the hero" and end up with nothing but frustration, misery, and heartache. Even though I got severely destroyed over this woman, I am happy that I managed to make some sort of positive impact on her life.
Oh well, live and learn, bleed and burn........
p.s. thank you for reading through this meandering entry. This all happened a while ago, so I had a little trouble remembering. Anyway, I just wanted to get it off my chest. I've been looking back on my love life a lot recently and I've been learning much more from all of my mistakes. Thanks for reading and for putting up with the melodramatic song quotes.
"A pill to make you numb/A pill to make you dumb/A pill to make you anybody else/but all the drugs in this world, won't save her from herself...." - Marilyn Manson
Her name was Rosie, short for Rosalba. A slim hispanic girl with long curly black hair, fair skin, large dark eyes, and high cheekbones.
I got to know her in my senior year of high school through a group of skaters I started hanging out with. I had a crush on this girl but she was dating Bobby. Things probably wouldn't have gotten so bad had it not been for this kid Mike, whom everyone referred to by the nickname of Fish. He also had a thing for Rosie and would resort to anything to have her or at least sabotage her relationship with whoever she was dating.
Things were cool in "the crew" for a while. This "crew" was referred to as the Polyfoniks clique, referring to a band/skateboarding team that was supposedly going to consist of some of the people in this group, and the rest would be some sort of entourage. Over time things started to crumble...
The beginning of the end was some vague rumor that Rosie had cheated on Bobby. It was totally untrue. That day outside the school during lunch, the whole "crew" turned their backs on her, except for me. I did my best to comfort her; playing the unsung hero as per the usual.
Over time, more and more rumors would be instigated by Fish; resulting in Rosie being ostracized for a period of time. In retrospect, I now see that Fish intended to wear her down till she was vulnerable and then "move in for the kill". Definitely a "if I can't have you then no one will" routine going on. I remember walking over to talk to Rosie and her friend turned to me and yelled "ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE ASSHOLES!" She was right.
Many guys wanted to go out with Rosie. As if this wasn't difficult enough, life at home wasn't that pleasant either, and she would get shit from her hispanic friends because she couldn't speak spanish and listened to Alternative music. They would scold her saying she was "trying to be white". I was disgusted by that b/c she's allowed to listen to whatever she wants to, it doesn't make her or anyone less hispanic. I could go off an a huge tangent listing the names of hispanics who have made huge contributions to the world of rock, alternative and metal, but I won't.
At some point Rosie broke up with Bobby and started dating a druggy named Danny. She started hanging out with the real sleazy crowds. Later on the whole "Polyfoniks" crew became way too self-conscious about keeping out the "posers" for their own good. This was the first actual "group" I ever hung out with. Eventually it became very clear to me that these guys had become just a different version of the jocks and preps. Some lines were drawn in the sand as to who was "in the crew" or not. I was no longer in it, and Bobby and Jeff left. Not too long after that I didn't care anymore. I realized that whatever I thought I had in common with them was vague at best. Eventually I started hanging out with my friend Dave more and also with the group that surrounded a band named Salty Black Flour. Unlike Polyfoniks, this was an ACTUAL band. Furthermore, there was no self-concsious posturing: it was a group of creative and individualistic people with a common love and respect for the band and its members. I wish I found those guys sooner.
Back to Rosie: over time, I noticed her eyes started to look worse and worse. She'd pile on heavy amounts of blue eyeshadow (her favorite color) but I still knew something awful was happening.
"All this talk of getting old/it's getting me down my love/Like the cat in a bag, ready to drown/ This time I'm comin' down/ And I hope you're thinkin' of me/as you lay down on your side/Now the drugs don't work/they just make your worse but I know I'll see your face again/Now the drugs don't work/they just make you worse but I know I'll see your face
again" - The Verve
At some point I wrote a long letter asking her out and how she should try to distance herself from all these people who were trying to take advantage of her. At the end of the letter I included a quote from
a song by Everclear: "Forget about all the losers that we know/Forget about all the memories that keep you down/Forget about them, we can lose them in the sparkle and fade/ The sparkle and fade.....fall glimmer sparkle and fade". (how high school can ya get? then again, it was high school anyways) She wrote back to me saying that what I said was "very sweet" but she was still stuck on Danny. I can't remember the rest of the letter.
Outside of my first period study hall, I would wait where Rosie would sometimes pass by. When I saw her, I'd walk with her to class to see how she was doing. Most of the time, I would wait and wait and she wouldn't come. I saw less and less of her. Apparently she was getting into drugs with Danny and all his friends. I remember overhearing some conversation about cocaine and how she "only tried a little".
Sitting in Social Studies, my friend Damien gave me the crushing news. I asked if he knew what happened to her. He said she got really drunk at a party and was in such a daze she couldn't recognize anyone. She was coazed into giving blow jobs to SEVEN different guys.
I was devastated. I somehow managed to hold myself together for the rest of the school day till I got home where I absolutely went to pieces. Rosie got kicked out of the house by her parents over the matter, and moved in with an aunt of hers. I distanced myself from her, the "clique", and everything. Getting over Rosie wasn't easy though. A great deal of the poems I wrote that summer were about her.
Fastforward to my second semester at a communitcy college. I met up with Danny the day my band was going to play a show at a school festival. I told him about the show even though I had hated his guts cuz I was totally pumped. Eventually we started talking about Rosie:
Danny had sobered up and distanced himself from the druggy crowd. He was at that party where the incident with Rosie took place. He was sober and trying desperately to get her out of there b/c he was afraid something bad was goint to happen to her. She kept saying "NO" so he left her there. He confessed that he had been a total scumbag to her and he did his best to change his ways and get her out of the druggy scene.
Ironically a song that reminded him of Rosie's stubborness and infidelity was "Like A Friend" by Pulp, a song that was also a favorite of mine off the "Great Expectations" soundtrack.
He then told me that at some point Rosie had been gang raped by FOUR guys. She wrote a poem about it and read it in front of a class and had everyone in tears.I was horrified by the news, but also elated that she not only worked her way to overcome it but also to do it through words.
Danny also told me that Rosie herself said that if she had not been so stuck on him, then she would have gone out with ME. At this point, it became clear that even if she did date me, she most likely would not have remained faithful. So it's probably just as well I guess.....
I can't express how glad I was to have this conversation with Dan. He said "Dude, you must've HATED me!" I laughed and said "Man you don't know the half!"
---
Shortly before my move to MA, I walked into a CVS and there was Rosie working at the counter. Eyes back to their full beautiful splendor and sporting a golden brown tan. She looked more beautiful and alive than she ever did before. She was working there and living in a foster home. Eventually she would be moving to Minneapolis with her Aunt to start a new life, which is exactly what she needed to do; to get the hell out of town and start all over.
Before I left, I bought her a blue (her favorite color) clothbound notebook from Borders. I met her at a friends house and gave her the book along with a letter that explained everything my point of view, along with a list of authors I suggested she check out. I wanted to do my part to further encouarge her writing. She loved the book. We gave each other a really long hug and she said "this isn't goodbye, this is see you later".
I never saw or heard from Rosie after that. But that's okay. I'm sure she's fine now.
At the end of the letter, was my goodbye, a quote from a song
"Close your eyes and I'll kiss you cuz with the birds I'll share...../ With the birds I'll share this lonley view/With the birds I'll share this lonely view....." - Red Hot Chili Peppers
THE END
I guess the moral of the story is the point I made in a previous journal entry about guys who try to be "the hero" and end up with nothing but frustration, misery, and heartache. Even though I got severely destroyed over this woman, I am happy that I managed to make some sort of positive impact on her life.
Oh well, live and learn, bleed and burn........
p.s. thank you for reading through this meandering entry. This all happened a while ago, so I had a little trouble remembering. Anyway, I just wanted to get it off my chest. I've been looking back on my love life a lot recently and I've been learning much more from all of my mistakes. Thanks for reading and for putting up with the melodramatic song quotes.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
But, yeah. She did need alot of protect and saving. I was happy to do it, but it always seemed as though there was more. The thing that really got me down was that I saw her recently and noticed she saved herself. Kinda made me feel useless...
But on a happy note, I am going to the 18V concert. Alone or not!
[Edited on Oct 06, 2003]