kra5h

I feel like a joke. My life has been full of nothing but failure. I am only here for god to laugh at. I would be better off six feet under.

I'm 21, still living with my parents, have no job, and starting the fourth year of a two year degree. Which is pointless because my driving record is preventing me from even getting my foot in the door to the careers I want. I have been given many opertunities in life and I have managed to fuck up just about every one of them. I want to change, I want to be bettter. I want to be the person I can be. I just don't know why I can't bring myself to start, nor do I know where to start.

i am horrible at making friends, and those that I do get abandon me for no reason or fuck me over. I was the ultimate outcast in highschool I didn't fit in with any of the cliques no matter how hard I tried. I have tried to be the best person I can.

I help anyone who asks, and give back to those that have helped me. I try to meet new people and make as many friends as I can when I go out but it never works out. I'm just not cool enough.
To top off this enormous shit slide known as my life I met this girl that I can't get off my mind, she is the first thing I think of when I wake up. She is the last thing I think of before I fall asleep. everytime I think about her I smile. Then I want to run into a brick wall at 200 mph because she barely knows I exist.

for the last 3 months I have sat on the edge of my bed leering at a pistol with one in the chamber. just staring at it, wondering if it's worth it or not to wake up the next day.for some reason I remain optimistic (or stubborn). I keep telling myself that just maybe tomorrow will be better.

well I feel a lot better after typing this. I'll keep the safety on a little while longer. I'll keep trying to find the bright side.

good night all.