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kozmikgirl

Smalltown, New Jersey

Member Since 2004

Followers 42 Following 54

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Friday Jun 23, 2006

Jun 23, 2006
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Well, I am trying to start up the SG chat, but it has been "connecting" for about 10 minutes now.

I have been sick lately. Still that zombie walk thing. Tired. Confused. Flu-ish. Depressed. Hot cold hot cold hot. I am having a heard time trying to say what I am trying to say here too.

And I am disappointed. I was really into being friends with Tattoo Guy, at least. I did hope for more but would have been ok with a "just friends" thing. He just stopped talking to me. I made afew casual attemps at starting up some sort of conversing again through emails & such, but nothing. I see his "online now" icon is flashing. Still, nothing.

He has my movies too. Fuck. I feel like lending him the movies turned him off to me. That is the only thing I did that I can think of. I brought over about 6 movies & asked if he would like to borrow some (since he had lent me a bunch the week before). Could that really offend men? Was that making myself "too available"? Did it turn him off that I went out of my way to do something for him? I have read men don't like that. They want to do the things for us. I didn't really go out of my way though, I just grabbed a handful at random while going out the door. Also, I peed about every 15 minutes at his house. I get nervous, I pee (I usually actually loose about 3-4 pounds in water weight from it). That could have creeped him out. I dont know. Fucking bladder is ruining my social life!!!

I just feel disappointed because he has no friends. Some got married & stopped hanging with him, some just moved away. He was complaining about loneliness & that he wanted to meet some new friends. I was up for that. All seemed cool from my point of view. Casual & cool.

So, what keeps going through my mind is: What kind of loser do I have to be that someone with no friends doesn't even want to be friends with me? That has pretty much sunk me into a stupid depression again. I feel horribly about it. Meeting new people has always been very disappointing. Making new friends has always ended in crushing rejection. Having relationships with men has always been a nightmare.

I am getting closer & closer to feeling completely defeated in making connections with other people. I feel the weight of it all crushing my spirit.
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
aksiokersa:
frown
I hate when that happens though - when someone just disappears and you're left with all these voices in your head that pop up out of nowhere to tell you that you've caused them to run away. I don't see how you could have done anything wrong. Obviously it's Tatoo Guy's problem and not yours. He's pretty immature if he can't even send you a note to tell you that he can't hang out or that he'll get your stuff back. I mean....REALLY immature, actually. You're probably better off without him.
Jun 23, 2006
zoton:
+ sg chat takes a while to load up sometimes but shouldn't be 10 mniutes unless you are on dailup !
+ It wasn't the movies. When a guy with no friends isn't friends with you it's because he's got problems with making friends with anyone.
+ If he is only ignoring you for a short time I wouldn't worry .
Jun 24, 2006

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