Biggest accomplishment in life to date:
The biggest accomplishment in my life to date is simply a day, a month, a year, a date on a calendar. 395 days ago I made the biggest decision in my life to date, by far the hardest and the most difficult decision I've made, after years and years of relying on it to get through a tough day, sometimes it wasn't even a tough day. I can't describe exactly why I used to hurt myself deliberately, but it was mostly the control over the pain that had me running back. In a life I wouldn't have picked for myself, it was the only control I had. Did it help in the long run? Definitely not.
It's left me with ugly scars. Yes they tell a story, they're proof that I'm stronger than I was, but they're not pretty, there's nothing worse than looking down and seeing the scars. They're raised, jaggered, silvery, do I regret them? Yes. Am I disappointed in myself for them? Yes. Would I change them being there though? No. They're a reminder that I made it through the toughest years of my life to date. Once I'd made 6 months self harm free for the first time since I was 15, (I'm now 21)
I rewarded myself with 4 arrows tattooed on my chest above my heart "an arrow can only be shot by pulling backwards which means it's about to launch you into a new chapter in your life" I'd decided after years and years that I, the girl who wasn't sure on anything in the world was ready to move forward, I was ready to stop destroying the body my mother grew inside her for 9 months. I was ready to move onto the next chapter in my life and not look back. The pride I felt once the tattoo was finished was something I'll never forget. Not in a million years. I'd done what I thought was impossible. I'm now 395 days clean, relapsing crosses my mind a hell of a lot. But I'm in a better place than I was. I'm still moving forward, I'm stronger now. It may have taken 5 years. But I'm 395 days self mutilation free and that is the biggest accomplishment in my life to date.
