i think i should write a "proper" entry. and i would want to. but then. words fail me. they are there, for a while, then, gone. or they come out all wrong, knotty, wonky, easily misunderstood, too grave. i'm in a midst of a stupid, horrible, shitty, heart-aching, nerve-wrecking situation that takes a lot of space in my mind, no matter how much i try to push it back, ignore it, leave it, address it. it's there. and no, i don't want to talk about it. not much good has come out of talking about it. it's definitely not everything in my life, not at all. so i'm not quite *here* or *there* or where ever i should be. on some days i'm happy and creative and all light, on some days i'm dark, envious, raging, crying, self-pitying piece of bloody mush. i'm pretty sure it's the same in everybody's life, in different intensity, some days are better, some worse. roller-coaster. ups and downs. highs and lows. my year hasn't been pretty great if i list things; i got beaten up by a guy, had fights and misunderstandings with friends, money-wise it sucks big time, i almost didn't get my work contract renewed, almost got raped, wore my heart on my sleeve, made a fool of myself many times, placed too much expectations, wished upon a star, believed in too many words, had an affair with sleeping pills and tranquilizers, was put on anti-deps again, etc and so on and so forth. but there has been good stuff too.. wonderful friends, my cats, colours, scents, food, drink, Life, the goddess, pole dancing, bollywood, my art.
my art.
kinda funny to call it art, i'm sure not all people would. but i do. if it's true that a picture is worth more than a thousand words, i've made entries here with thousands and thousands of words. how come i still feel it's not enough? like it's the actual words that matter, not any other means of self-expression. maybe the other means are too difficult to understand? like dance, art, music. as if you're more appreciated, and even considered wiser or more intelligent if you have a way with words.
randomness
my art.
kinda funny to call it art, i'm sure not all people would. but i do. if it's true that a picture is worth more than a thousand words, i've made entries here with thousands and thousands of words. how come i still feel it's not enough? like it's the actual words that matter, not any other means of self-expression. maybe the other means are too difficult to understand? like dance, art, music. as if you're more appreciated, and even considered wiser or more intelligent if you have a way with words.
randomness
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
kusanagi2k:
Thank you for sharing. I am having a similar year. I can't ever compare my experience with yours, but I take solace in the knowledge that there are still those of us out there that lead with their heart on their sleeve. Remember: It is people like you that make the world a more loving place...and art is what it is...if it brings you joy or peace, then it is beautiful.
starsnflames:
i think you look like a movie star on that picture in your attachments 
