kopf

This entry is way overdue. I just havn't had the "time" to write or maybe the lack of anything to write. The past month have been really shitty and I feel totally numb. I have to find a job but I HATE writing those job applications, you just know that they won't pick you. I hate being a thing that you have to sell just in order to keep a roof over you head and something to eat.

I found ONE job that I'd like to apply for but.. well I've been staring at the screen everytime I've tried to start writing the application. oink

I've started the diet again, well started last week and so far I*ve lost 1 kilo. Just 25 more to go. I'm really looking forward to be able to fit my green dress again. The one my grandmother sowed for my dad's confirmation.

Oh and I want a baby.. I feel like I'm getting old pretty fast now and that I havn't acomplished anthing in my life. I have this crazy fantasy of being a housewife with a daycare at home. I know.. it's silly.

I'm so afraid of dying, I can't even go visit my grandparents without feeling sick. Knowing they're gonna die soon is making me realise how short life is and that it ends. Knowing that one day I won't exist and will be forgotten makes my skin crawl.