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koleeta

Member Since 2003

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Friday Nov 14, 2008

Nov 14, 2008
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Come on just say it,
You need me like a bad habit,
One that gives you the interest of in depth and love.
Come on just say it
Are you afraid to?

...

Are you ashamed to
Say what you want to?
Tell me you want to.

...

Come on just say it,
Well I'll just say it,
I'll just say it,
I need you defenseless, dependent and alone.


I saw Taking Back Sunday last night for the first time. I've been listening to them since I was in college, so since 2004. It's funny because they seem more the kind of band you might listen to during high school years, but I didn't understand that there were bands that weren't played on the radio back when I was in high school.

TBS helped me be really super emo during the most emo part of my life. I was going through a breakup. I've only ever been through three breakups and that was my first and it was also the worst. Took the longest to get over, though I'm not sure if I ever really "get over" most of the people I've been involved with. Looking back on it, I wasn't sure if I would ever feel okay again. For 2+ years I wasn't sure if it would ever stop hurting, I wasn't sure if I would ever stop crying everyday.

I look back and it was, well I can't say it was a "good" experience, but I learned a lot from it. I taught myself about people, how people say things that they don't always mean. I discovered who I never wanted to become. I learned that you can choose to stay in that state, or you can decide when you finally want to be okay again. I learned that when you're tired of being at the bottom, you can choose to climb, and that nobody is holding you down.

Anyway, I feel like these Taking Back Sunday songs are a big part of who I am and how I got here. Sometimes I wish I could feel what that was like again because I forget how bad I was and how far I've come. I feel like it takes that level of miserable to give me the courage to say to myself that it's time to be the person I want to be. Hearing them play reminded me how I related to all the songs, taking each word as if it were my own. I can remember those resentful feelings of love and the desperate hope that I had. The louder I sang them, the more I meant them. Not only that, but those lyrics were accompanied by music that emanated feelings that couldn't be put in words.

Even though most of the people at the venue last night were about the age I was when I first started listening to them (or younger), I felt like those songs were still mine. I felt a little old and out of place but it still felt good to be there.


edit: or you know, it's that time of the month which means I'm really emotional.

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