so last night I had a horrible nightmare that I couldn't tell if it was real or not for the longest time.
It felt like it was based on reality because there was so much back story to it.
So here is last night's dream in one sentence: I dreamt that the body my dad has buried for me was going to be found.
It felt like I had had previous dreams where I actually killed this girl and went to my dad about it because I was freaking out and didn't know what to do. He told me he would help me and not to worry. So he took care of it by chopping up the body and burying it. Which, in retrospect, was the WORST thing to do. I mean how easy is it to dig up a fucking body? You're supposed to feed it to animals! Jeez, dad!
Anyway, people are starting to look for the missing girl, and since dad buried her pretty much right near the house or the place where I killed her, I was getting REALLY nervous. At one point I woke up and thought "Fuck, I am going to jail! Why the hell didn't I take care of this better and how can I fix this?" There was a moment of wondering if the things I dreamt really happened or was it simply a dream? I felt like I had dreamt the murdering and burying part before so maybe it was something I actually did but forgot about doing. I truthfully couldn't remember if that has actually happened or not. This of course made it incredibly hard to go back to sleep at 5 this morning. I was tempted to go dig her back up and get rid of the body somewhere else, but what if someone saw me?
It was a horrible feeling, not so much that I had killed someone, but more that I was going to get in deep trouble and it didn't look like there was any way to get around it. I started thinking up what I would say in my testimony. 'Cause I didn't mean to kill her, that part was an accident... the chopping up and burying was not though. And it didn't make me feel any better that my dad would be in an equal amount of trouble. There's no way you can just say I accidentally killed her and still not get shit for it. I was totally fucked.
But now that I'm at work and am about 5 hours away from that dream... I'm pretty sure I'm innocent. I haven't done anything to jeopardize my future. I don't have a big, sharp toothed, snarling secret that is going to eat me alive. Pretty sure.
It felt like it was based on reality because there was so much back story to it.
So here is last night's dream in one sentence: I dreamt that the body my dad has buried for me was going to be found.
It felt like I had had previous dreams where I actually killed this girl and went to my dad about it because I was freaking out and didn't know what to do. He told me he would help me and not to worry. So he took care of it by chopping up the body and burying it. Which, in retrospect, was the WORST thing to do. I mean how easy is it to dig up a fucking body? You're supposed to feed it to animals! Jeez, dad!
Anyway, people are starting to look for the missing girl, and since dad buried her pretty much right near the house or the place where I killed her, I was getting REALLY nervous. At one point I woke up and thought "Fuck, I am going to jail! Why the hell didn't I take care of this better and how can I fix this?" There was a moment of wondering if the things I dreamt really happened or was it simply a dream? I felt like I had dreamt the murdering and burying part before so maybe it was something I actually did but forgot about doing. I truthfully couldn't remember if that has actually happened or not. This of course made it incredibly hard to go back to sleep at 5 this morning. I was tempted to go dig her back up and get rid of the body somewhere else, but what if someone saw me?
It was a horrible feeling, not so much that I had killed someone, but more that I was going to get in deep trouble and it didn't look like there was any way to get around it. I started thinking up what I would say in my testimony. 'Cause I didn't mean to kill her, that part was an accident... the chopping up and burying was not though. And it didn't make me feel any better that my dad would be in an equal amount of trouble. There's no way you can just say I accidentally killed her and still not get shit for it. I was totally fucked.
But now that I'm at work and am about 5 hours away from that dream... I'm pretty sure I'm innocent. I haven't done anything to jeopardize my future. I don't have a big, sharp toothed, snarling secret that is going to eat me alive. Pretty sure.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
jj_r0x0rz:
oh man thats craziness
subrosa:
Awwwwww.