kmfcm

it never fails

thinking about what lead up to the moment someone died alwlays seems to hurt more than the death itself

especially now, considering how much I've grown to dislike life and think it's a sham and that death itself is the reward

i mean c'mon

the last 4 years haven't been kind to her

at all

death hasn't left this family alone in 4 years


so, you know, I haven't been wating to talk abou tit

I've been hanging around dad a lot, but anytime someone calls and he goes into the details of everything, I leave the room

I didn't even want to go to the home last night, honestly, because I never want that to be the way I remember them

. . . . .so that's not how I'm going to remember her.


when I remember her, I will surely block the last 5 years out

I feel like we've been mourning for a year, because a year ago is when the alzheimers really got bad and she just became someone else

not to mention, as I said, we were told a year ago that she probably wouldn't make it


no, nevermind all that


I will remember her when that one song she used to listen to all the time comes on at the end of that Gaza song "femur". . . .from the guitarists amp. . . . yeah, we had a tape with that song. she listened to it always. She liked REAL country. yes.
I will remember her dancing to "death and resurrection show"(please, no need to mention it, I know) by Killing Joke when I put it on that christmas day when I got the new sound system. (I'm serious, and it's making me laugh as I type it. It was the most unexpected awesome thing, and I probably told Bruce about it the day it happened.)
I will remember her laugh, and how it rang throughout the house when Judge Judy berated somebody.
and that is the all I will talk about from now on when I am asked.

nevermind all this other depressing garbage

death hasn't left this family alone in 4 years



rest in power Gran