klonopin_chugger

so another relationship has passed me by. it wasn't anyone's fault, and she is an awesome girl, but it still hurts none the less. i guess what's bothering me most is i'm just tired of pain. when most people think back on thier lives there is usually periods were a somewhat aura of happiness resonates. i don't want to play like a victim or a whinner, but i honestely can't remember any periods of prolonged happiness, save one a while back and i ruined that myself. i try my best at plowing through life, but maybe it's something i'm doing? or it's who i am. i am intensley grateful for my friends, but for whatever reason i usually feel vastly alone longing for someone who will love me for who i am (my deformed crab-like hand included) maybe i'm placing to much hope into romanticism, but it seems to resonate with me as a person. anyways, yeah. pain tends to wear down and i am honestley feeling like i'm running a marathon with it...hopefully with me pushin on, the great jebus himself will give me a couple of breaks or maybe some insight. to those who read this pile of venting i salute you, thanks for takin the time