kloiterra

"somewhere between eccentric and esoteric," i offered, describing to my mother my latest interests.
"even as a child, you were eccentric, into eccentric things," she agreed.
we were talking about my recent fascination with finding the ultimate pen for me. all i know is that it's a fountain pen, and in the last few weeks, i've acquired two relatively cheap ones, received a vintage one...
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we're all going to die.
all of our friends and family are going to die and leave us feeling sad and alone,
and as cold as it sounds, it's a selfish sadness--we cry because we'll miss them
while we should be laughing and celebrating the fact that these people that we love
have, at least momentarily, escaped the mortal coil,
all the bullshit, pain, suffering,...
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the day she started working there, i was attracted to her on some level;
a moth to light again, again, again, but this one's obviously not a bug-zapper.
i want to figure out this new character, to spend some time with her, to read her, to figure her out: is this a friend, a friendly or a mate?
i can't seem to get her alone--is...
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"That which is denied gains power, and seeks strange and unexpected forms of manifestation." - Peter J. Carroll's Liber Kaos.
i'll not deny it, i was angry when i walked home tonight.
disgusted.
at several points in my life i decided that i must have been the angriest man in the world, but anymore, it's an emotion that i'm not used to. it scares...
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she had always maintained that she didn't want anything more, so i always maintained my distance. my distantness, maybe.
"Let's never be anything, that way the sex will always be good," she said when we first started seeing each other, about a year ago.
sounded good to me...sounded perfect.
by the time it ended, in June, i hadn't been with anyone else and had always...
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"step right up! one night only!"
i paid my money and took the ride.
jumped up and kept falling,
fell off the face of the earth,
expanded at an astonishing rate.
outerspace, man; distant.
everything that's going on here with me
is being performed by a hologram.
it's my autopilot and i don't really trust him.
this is the danger of experimenting with college
during...
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message scrawled in sharpie on a random sheet of paper on my desk:

Dear AP-
you think yr so cool and you think yr friends are cool too.
I think you look like a female impersonator impersonator.
and yr music is self indulgent, shallow and crappy.
-xo CoF staff

in february 2005 i wrote about being sick of her and finally kicking her out. i'm sure there's an entry all about it somewhere, but a quickish recap: i didn't invite her to live with me, just for coffee one night. she was driving her friend's illegally tagged car when she got pulled over about 100 yards from my house. she had no car, no...
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the show went pretty well last night.
the tape doesn't lie and it didn't have anything bad to say
especially considering it was the 4th time i've ever played with these guys.
rob said he thought it was "pretty much flawless."
i've been playing bass for 20 years but this is the first time i've been the bass player in a band.
the band doesn't...
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something has been not right and it makes the ship lean to one side, motionless and completely unmotivated. feels a little like sadness, but that's not it. perhaps the man in charge spilled some coffee on the control panel and now the force field button is malfunctioning--i didn't press it, but here i am stuck in this damn bubble.
it's loneliness; all the events and...
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