1. the trick to appearing confident is to act like a confident person until your impersonation is second-nature.
my advanced poetry professor is a jazz drummer. we've talked about the fact that i am a multi-instrumentalist who played percussion for a local jazz band a couple years ago.
"Do you play out much?" he asked me a couple weeks ago.
i haven't performed live since 2009, but after officiating my second wedding yesterday, i feel like i have.
the audience of 20 or so people at my first wedding was all family and couples, aside from the one bridesmaid that annoyed me all night.
there were over 130 people at the wedding last night, a group that covered all demographics, with 90% unfamiliar faces. when the DJ gave me a lavalier mic, i was a little nervous because my allergies had been acting up, and there is a lot of sniffling and throat-clearing going on in my world lately. i didn't want those to be amplified. luckily, my voice held out as i read the ceremony in my public speaking voice, which is somewhere between the stereotypical male radio voice and a Nils Frykdahl impersonation...which kind of sounds like a slightly more theatrical radio voice, but usually is saying things that are interesting or funny.
when i'm doing this, i'm very mindful of my tone and inflection, i project and enunciate, i make sure to not just stand there and read; i make eye contact with the bride and groom to make sure they're listening to the most important points of what i'm saying, and i sometimes look up at a vague place just above the heads of the audience to include them.
also, i like to add a little levity or humor to the situation--yr at a wedding, a happy ceremony; why so serious? the vow is perhaps the most serious promise one will ever make to another person, but that doesn't mean that the whole ceremony has to be solemn, stiff and uncomfortable... save that for the funeral, my ceremony is not like going to church.
when Elrod(the groom) had a little trouble sliding on Alli(the bride)'s ring, the crowd laughed as i acted like i was trying to cover the mic before suggested using 'a little spit' as lube. i thought about how funny it would have been if i could have just reached in my pocket and pulled out some astro-glide or KY and lubed up her finger as if was something i do every day.
immediately before the vows, i paused, looked at them both and quietly asked them, "alright, you ready for this?," which also garnered a little laughter from the crowd.
it wasn't until after the ceremony that i realized how a lot of touring musicians must feel.
it's the people that you've never met--when they approach you and tell you how great a job you did, how confident you sounded, how 'real' yr ceremony was, etc. it feels pretty awesome; the lead singer after a show. everyone i talked to assumed that i'd done a bunch of weddings and were apparently impressed when i told them that this was only my second one. nobody asked for my autograph or anything, but one couple asked if i'd do their wedding. the only complaint of the evening didn't come to me directly. a couple guys told me they'd heard "some snooty old bitch" say that everything was great "except the preacher wore a hat." whoever she was, she probably wouldn't have approved of neither my explanation to her of the difference between a preacher and what i am, nor the true relationship of marriage. law and religion, and why my hat plays no relevance in any of it.
a woman named Kat approached me while i was filling out the marriage license and was very interested in talking to me, finding out who and what i am. i recognized the situation. i yapped with her but remained rather distant. she gave me her email, requesting that i send her some of my work. i agreed, and i'll contact her at least. later, some guy came up to me and asked if i knew her: "she likes you, man...she's been talking about you all night...she's married, but her old man doesn't treat her right..." ugh. like the same character from the first wedding found me in another form at the second wedding. later, after i politely said i didn't want to, she talked me into dancing with her to eric clapton's "wonderful tonight." i don't like that song. i don't like dancing at social functions, especially with strangers that i don't find very appealing. i usually only dance in crowds or with familiar women because i don't know how to dance, really--i don't understand the concept of leading. i felt uncomfortable and uncoordinated as i swayed and stepped in little circles with her. the only other people on the dance floor were Elrod and Alli, and when they started kissing, i feared this woman would try to kiss me. thankfully, she didn't. another of my best friends was at the wedding and he teased me about taking her home with me, to which i replied "this evening: wedding ceremony. tonight: organ solo."
i had several duties at the wedding. aside from officiating, i cut the cake, and stayed sober so i could drive Elrod's car back to his house after the ceremony with all the gifts. i agreed to tend to his and Alli's dogs in exchange for a big empty house to sleep in. he'd joked that his goal at the wedding was to see that i went back to his house not alone. as soon as he'd said it, i knew that it wouldn't happen, but the thought haunted me as i dealt with Kat. i hoped she didn't know where the house was and just show up. i was thankful that she didn't as i sat in the sun room and played my guitar for a canine audience.
by the time the reception started to wane, i was a mess. not drunk, just sleep-deprived, malnourished and over-caffeinated, fearful and unsure of whether it was something more than allergies that had my nose running and my sinuses throbbing and airtight; the ceaseless week of chaos that led up to this night had taken its toll - between being called in to cover a couple of night shifts in the restaurant alongside preparing for/serving one of the largest hotel functions of the year that was going on all weekend, i'd been going to work directly after school and staying there until after midnight almost every night. and OF COURSE, its always during these unexpected and excessively busy times that each one of my classes has a big project due or a test. i needed sleep, but i'd been resisting it as it represented unproductive hours. still, it forced itself into my schedule. i passed out after morning class on thursday and missed my afternoon classes, waking up just in time to make it to work a little bit late. completely exhausted, i skipped my two friday classes.
if i can make up work from those classes and manage to do all the work for the next week done by tuesday, i'll be golden as i board the plane to chicago on wednesday. the wedding isn't until saturday, but this one is the whole reason i became ordained in the first place.
i will rest. i will sleep like a bed. maybe in chicago, maybe not until december.
my advanced poetry professor is a jazz drummer. we've talked about the fact that i am a multi-instrumentalist who played percussion for a local jazz band a couple years ago.
"Do you play out much?" he asked me a couple weeks ago.
i haven't performed live since 2009, but after officiating my second wedding yesterday, i feel like i have.
the audience of 20 or so people at my first wedding was all family and couples, aside from the one bridesmaid that annoyed me all night.
there were over 130 people at the wedding last night, a group that covered all demographics, with 90% unfamiliar faces. when the DJ gave me a lavalier mic, i was a little nervous because my allergies had been acting up, and there is a lot of sniffling and throat-clearing going on in my world lately. i didn't want those to be amplified. luckily, my voice held out as i read the ceremony in my public speaking voice, which is somewhere between the stereotypical male radio voice and a Nils Frykdahl impersonation...which kind of sounds like a slightly more theatrical radio voice, but usually is saying things that are interesting or funny.
when i'm doing this, i'm very mindful of my tone and inflection, i project and enunciate, i make sure to not just stand there and read; i make eye contact with the bride and groom to make sure they're listening to the most important points of what i'm saying, and i sometimes look up at a vague place just above the heads of the audience to include them.
also, i like to add a little levity or humor to the situation--yr at a wedding, a happy ceremony; why so serious? the vow is perhaps the most serious promise one will ever make to another person, but that doesn't mean that the whole ceremony has to be solemn, stiff and uncomfortable... save that for the funeral, my ceremony is not like going to church.
when Elrod(the groom) had a little trouble sliding on Alli(the bride)'s ring, the crowd laughed as i acted like i was trying to cover the mic before suggested using 'a little spit' as lube. i thought about how funny it would have been if i could have just reached in my pocket and pulled out some astro-glide or KY and lubed up her finger as if was something i do every day.
immediately before the vows, i paused, looked at them both and quietly asked them, "alright, you ready for this?," which also garnered a little laughter from the crowd.
it wasn't until after the ceremony that i realized how a lot of touring musicians must feel.
it's the people that you've never met--when they approach you and tell you how great a job you did, how confident you sounded, how 'real' yr ceremony was, etc. it feels pretty awesome; the lead singer after a show. everyone i talked to assumed that i'd done a bunch of weddings and were apparently impressed when i told them that this was only my second one. nobody asked for my autograph or anything, but one couple asked if i'd do their wedding. the only complaint of the evening didn't come to me directly. a couple guys told me they'd heard "some snooty old bitch" say that everything was great "except the preacher wore a hat." whoever she was, she probably wouldn't have approved of neither my explanation to her of the difference between a preacher and what i am, nor the true relationship of marriage. law and religion, and why my hat plays no relevance in any of it.
a woman named Kat approached me while i was filling out the marriage license and was very interested in talking to me, finding out who and what i am. i recognized the situation. i yapped with her but remained rather distant. she gave me her email, requesting that i send her some of my work. i agreed, and i'll contact her at least. later, some guy came up to me and asked if i knew her: "she likes you, man...she's been talking about you all night...she's married, but her old man doesn't treat her right..." ugh. like the same character from the first wedding found me in another form at the second wedding. later, after i politely said i didn't want to, she talked me into dancing with her to eric clapton's "wonderful tonight." i don't like that song. i don't like dancing at social functions, especially with strangers that i don't find very appealing. i usually only dance in crowds or with familiar women because i don't know how to dance, really--i don't understand the concept of leading. i felt uncomfortable and uncoordinated as i swayed and stepped in little circles with her. the only other people on the dance floor were Elrod and Alli, and when they started kissing, i feared this woman would try to kiss me. thankfully, she didn't. another of my best friends was at the wedding and he teased me about taking her home with me, to which i replied "this evening: wedding ceremony. tonight: organ solo."
i had several duties at the wedding. aside from officiating, i cut the cake, and stayed sober so i could drive Elrod's car back to his house after the ceremony with all the gifts. i agreed to tend to his and Alli's dogs in exchange for a big empty house to sleep in. he'd joked that his goal at the wedding was to see that i went back to his house not alone. as soon as he'd said it, i knew that it wouldn't happen, but the thought haunted me as i dealt with Kat. i hoped she didn't know where the house was and just show up. i was thankful that she didn't as i sat in the sun room and played my guitar for a canine audience.
by the time the reception started to wane, i was a mess. not drunk, just sleep-deprived, malnourished and over-caffeinated, fearful and unsure of whether it was something more than allergies that had my nose running and my sinuses throbbing and airtight; the ceaseless week of chaos that led up to this night had taken its toll - between being called in to cover a couple of night shifts in the restaurant alongside preparing for/serving one of the largest hotel functions of the year that was going on all weekend, i'd been going to work directly after school and staying there until after midnight almost every night. and OF COURSE, its always during these unexpected and excessively busy times that each one of my classes has a big project due or a test. i needed sleep, but i'd been resisting it as it represented unproductive hours. still, it forced itself into my schedule. i passed out after morning class on thursday and missed my afternoon classes, waking up just in time to make it to work a little bit late. completely exhausted, i skipped my two friday classes.
if i can make up work from those classes and manage to do all the work for the next week done by tuesday, i'll be golden as i board the plane to chicago on wednesday. the wedding isn't until saturday, but this one is the whole reason i became ordained in the first place.
i will rest. i will sleep like a bed. maybe in chicago, maybe not until december.