I always lovingly called Xenopus my Big Boy. He was the first male cat I ever had and he weighed in at 30 lbs. He wasn't super fat, he was just a big cat. He had the gentlest meow and would start to purr as soon as you touched him.
Last night I had trouble getting him to eat or drink. I would mix water into his wet food and he would drink the water. I figured that there must have been some nutrients in the water. When he wouldn't drink, I knew something was wrong. He would eat a little and drink earlier in the week, and I was cautiously optimistic. Last night, I started stroking his back, and all I could feel were his bones. He had lost half of his body weight. He started to purr in his weak and gurgling manner, it had been like this all week. At that point, I told him that if he was tired, he could go. My mother would be waiting for him. Xenopus stayed in the bathroom all night, like he usually did, but in the morning he was gone. I casually looked in a few places where he would usually hide, but I still couldn't find him. I was walking past the stairs and I happened to look down, there he was at the bottom of the stairs. He had one arm in a box, I am not sure if he was trying to get in or if he was stuck. Did he fall down the stairs? I guess I will never know.
My Xeno was dead, and I just broke down and cried and cried. I don't have any kids, but this felt like I lost a child. I was devastated. After I was able to think about it, I grabbed a box and a blanket and went to make him more comfortable for his journey over the rainbow bridge. I picked him up and any thoughts of one last hug were dashed because he was in rigor in a horrible position. It certainly cemented the fact that he was gone. I have made arrangements to have him cremated. When the weather is nice, we will bury his ashes along with my mother's and plant some flowers.
I so miss him and his gentle personality already. There will always be a place for him in my heart. I have never known such a beautiful soul who loved so unconditionally.