okay now that my head has cleared a little bit (i just ran 1.5 miles and walked 1 mile, really made me feel a lot better)...i thought of a few more interesting facts about me
21. I have never smoked anything in my life ever, or done any drug (besides caffine and alcohol) ever. so maybe I am more innocent than I look.
22. I have a fear of escalators. When i was little I used to have dreams that I would be at the bottom and my mom would be at the top and I had to get to her. And im not scared of being sucked in, i think thats totally irrational (even though there is probably a very high chance you can get stuck in them). I am scared of just being on them, i get dizzy and really nervous and i have to hold on really tight or i feel like im going to fall down backwards.
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I think tomorrow will be the day
I get my shit together and give up this crying game
I've been here before
I know I'll be here again
I don't know why but it don't feel the same
For one moment I can see clearly
the weight of the world don't seem so bad
:::Strung Out-Deville:::
I am feeling a little better today. The past few weeks have been a gradual decline in happiness. Yesterday I was so stressed and just generally unhappy I was nausious. I have yet to eat today either, but maybe I will try to eat in a little bit. I seem to feel I am stuck in this cycle. I have no money, which means I cant go out anywhere really, which leaves me staying in all the time. The staying in all the time makes me feel depressed. Being depressed makes me not want to go out at all even if I have money, or just talk to anyone in general. And then of course being lonely makes me feel depressed. Slippery little slope. Oh and then adding the insomnia from the stress on top of it. Making me one nasty bitch lately. But like I said, I feel a little better today. Listening to Strung Out's Twisted by Design makes me happy, my gun class made me happy (I guess I lied to myself when I said I hated guns), running made me happy, and loosing weight this weekend from being so poor I cant afford food made me happy (see I am trying to look at everything posotivly
). Although I still don't really feel like going out anywhere, or with anyone. I turned down two people who wanted to hang out tonight, I declined on thursday night happy hour (first time ever), I am forcing myself to go out on friday to celebrate my roommates birthday even though I really dont want to go, I turned down 5 invitations to halloween parties on saturday. I just dont feel like putting on my fake happy face (or drinking so much I am actually happy) just yet. I made some plans for next week though, I think I just need one more weekend to myself.
21. I have never smoked anything in my life ever, or done any drug (besides caffine and alcohol) ever. so maybe I am more innocent than I look.
22. I have a fear of escalators. When i was little I used to have dreams that I would be at the bottom and my mom would be at the top and I had to get to her. And im not scared of being sucked in, i think thats totally irrational (even though there is probably a very high chance you can get stuck in them). I am scared of just being on them, i get dizzy and really nervous and i have to hold on really tight or i feel like im going to fall down backwards.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
I think tomorrow will be the day
I get my shit together and give up this crying game
I've been here before
I know I'll be here again
I don't know why but it don't feel the same
For one moment I can see clearly
the weight of the world don't seem so bad
:::Strung Out-Deville:::
I am feeling a little better today. The past few weeks have been a gradual decline in happiness. Yesterday I was so stressed and just generally unhappy I was nausious. I have yet to eat today either, but maybe I will try to eat in a little bit. I seem to feel I am stuck in this cycle. I have no money, which means I cant go out anywhere really, which leaves me staying in all the time. The staying in all the time makes me feel depressed. Being depressed makes me not want to go out at all even if I have money, or just talk to anyone in general. And then of course being lonely makes me feel depressed. Slippery little slope. Oh and then adding the insomnia from the stress on top of it. Making me one nasty bitch lately. But like I said, I feel a little better today. Listening to Strung Out's Twisted by Design makes me happy, my gun class made me happy (I guess I lied to myself when I said I hated guns), running made me happy, and loosing weight this weekend from being so poor I cant afford food made me happy (see I am trying to look at everything posotivly
). Although I still don't really feel like going out anywhere, or with anyone. I turned down two people who wanted to hang out tonight, I declined on thursday night happy hour (first time ever), I am forcing myself to go out on friday to celebrate my roommates birthday even though I really dont want to go, I turned down 5 invitations to halloween parties on saturday. I just dont feel like putting on my fake happy face (or drinking so much I am actually happy) just yet. I made some plans for next week though, I think I just need one more weekend to myself. VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
MY ex did get sucked into an escalator, by her "wellies" english rubber boots... she narrowly escaped losing her leg... at the last second someone hit the switch at the end... so a pretty real fear!
Have a great night tonight!
Oh, and about the weekends at home with nothing to do...I tend to do a lot of that when I'm broke, which has been a lot lately, but I try to spend the time writing or do something creative. I like alone time, but I miss having someone to have quite time with as well.