Wow...4 days of straight lone drinking. Might I have a problem? I don't feel like I have one. Maybe I should be more afraid of that than I currently am. Not in the panic-mode way, but in the ahhh, yes I should have more concern for my well-being.
I'm trying. I really am. I just don't see much use for myself as a guy with a family of his own. I don't really see myself as marriage material. As a systems admin, I basically provide no survival capabilities to my community. I feel useless, and I'm not sure that I necessarily care too much.
This is part of my problem. I'm ceasing to care about the things I should be caring about, cept friends and family. I gotta get out of this rut. It's the most dangerous kind because I don't feel like I'm really trying to hit bottom...but skimming across it...that's not any good either. Fuck. I know I need to finish the fucking apartment cleaning and get the hell out of here. I need some fresh air, without having to worry about the day-to-day getting out of sorts. I believe they call that maturity or responsibility...or I guess that's what I call it. At least my tax plan worked, and I'm getting a decent paycheck.
Regardless, my access here ends on the 15th of March. While it's nice having my little diary to sort things out mentally, I think moving away from here...quit the 'lurking' that tends to settle in when I'm on...I think I can go back to being 'social'. It's an odd feeling when standing in line at Freebirds is painful because you're sandwiched between other people in line.
F-me. Big time.
I'm trying. I really am. I just don't see much use for myself as a guy with a family of his own. I don't really see myself as marriage material. As a systems admin, I basically provide no survival capabilities to my community. I feel useless, and I'm not sure that I necessarily care too much.
This is part of my problem. I'm ceasing to care about the things I should be caring about, cept friends and family. I gotta get out of this rut. It's the most dangerous kind because I don't feel like I'm really trying to hit bottom...but skimming across it...that's not any good either. Fuck. I know I need to finish the fucking apartment cleaning and get the hell out of here. I need some fresh air, without having to worry about the day-to-day getting out of sorts. I believe they call that maturity or responsibility...or I guess that's what I call it. At least my tax plan worked, and I'm getting a decent paycheck.
Regardless, my access here ends on the 15th of March. While it's nice having my little diary to sort things out mentally, I think moving away from here...quit the 'lurking' that tends to settle in when I'm on...I think I can go back to being 'social'. It's an odd feeling when standing in line at Freebirds is painful because you're sandwiched between other people in line.
F-me. Big time.