Last week at my current workplace.
This is strange - the limbo-like feeling. Going through the motions, vaguely pretending to care about the job that still needs to be done and looking at my fellow co-workers, wondering how long it will take them to effectively forget about me. You look at them bonding together and you know you're not a part of the team anymore (were you ever?)... There is talk about next month and things that will happen... well, I won't be there anymore to witness them so I just avoid the conversation. We'll all be moving on until it becomes a semi-interesting memory, a maelstrom of faces, instants, crisis and frustrations... there were never many laughs there.
In my head, I'm already long gone and I realize how much I've stopped caring about people a long time ago. Nothing to be proud of, mind. When you've been around like I have and left so many friends behind, it's really hard to make the effort to connect again. You just grow more and more detached, see people come and go and fade away and you become numb - a drought of feelings, like passing clouds that overstay their welcome in an otherwise clear blue sky.
The whole process reflects the permanence of change (what a beautiful contradiction), the way everything is wished for, sometimes loved and often quickly falling into oblivion until the next big parade - if there ever is one.
In this life, I often wonder if I haven't lost some of my humanity along the way, like some excess baggage you never really needed to start with.
This is strange - the limbo-like feeling. Going through the motions, vaguely pretending to care about the job that still needs to be done and looking at my fellow co-workers, wondering how long it will take them to effectively forget about me. You look at them bonding together and you know you're not a part of the team anymore (were you ever?)... There is talk about next month and things that will happen... well, I won't be there anymore to witness them so I just avoid the conversation. We'll all be moving on until it becomes a semi-interesting memory, a maelstrom of faces, instants, crisis and frustrations... there were never many laughs there.
In my head, I'm already long gone and I realize how much I've stopped caring about people a long time ago. Nothing to be proud of, mind. When you've been around like I have and left so many friends behind, it's really hard to make the effort to connect again. You just grow more and more detached, see people come and go and fade away and you become numb - a drought of feelings, like passing clouds that overstay their welcome in an otherwise clear blue sky.
The whole process reflects the permanence of change (what a beautiful contradiction), the way everything is wished for, sometimes loved and often quickly falling into oblivion until the next big parade - if there ever is one.
In this life, I often wonder if I haven't lost some of my humanity along the way, like some excess baggage you never really needed to start with.
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