Well, I had some extra money laying around... so I went out and bought a $500 suit, and I think it looks great... ya know, because I have do dress nice now to talk to people, because for some reason being myself didnt interest people at all... I have stories, but Im not into telling stories, or talking about people, but I love talking about ideas and thoughts... and I heard something the other day that really made me proud...
Someone said that Smart people talk about ideas, normal people talk about events, and stupid people talk about people.
I also threw down 5 grand to buy my old car back, put a new battery in it and now it runs great, the AC doesnt work right now but Im going up to get freon put in it tomorrow. TV still in it, and I like driving it a lot better than riding.
Now that I dont smoke weed, or any of the other drugs in the past, and I dont drink and drive... I have nothing to worry about, I also drive the speed limit, so its all gravy.
I'm out of town to much to meet new people, because as soon as I do... I cant see them except when Im in town for a weekend... and usually, things dont work out in those situations for me.
I quit taking online courses and Im transferring to KSU next semester. I can only hope that things will pick up with my social life... Its just a little too hard not seeing any familiar faces, hearing any familiar voices... I'm pretty afraid of how the lonely isolation will effect me, because I know... that times like these are what make me try and make bonds quickly... because I have nobody that I have known for any consistant amount of time, either by my own accord or by others.
Trying to maintain myself and stay myself.
No matter what I look like or what I drive.
Maintain... maintain...
work hard, stretch my body out to the point of collapse.
work hard, get my money...
I cant stand the fact that there is no body out there, that could care less if they see me again. Heh, well thats how it is... I wish it wasnt, Im kind of jealous of people with deep connections, because I wish there was someone out there that doesnt leave when I try to open up.
I get really bored sometimes, and I drive around for hours in the middle of the night looking for something to do, and there is nothing... I dont care any more, I have lost hope of ever meeting anyone. I dont see how people get into these long lasting relationships... and I cant even keep in touch with someone more than a couple months. I accept the fact that Im not worth the time, I accept the fact that its my fault that people dont want to be with me, I just wish I knew what was wrong so I could change.
I thought I found something different in you, but... it was the same, but this time came without warning... Ive thought about driving out there, but I figure if you dont answer my phone calls, you dont want to see me either...
lol, its funny... I made plans, on top of plans, with back up plans all three nights this weekend. Every single one fell through, Friday... no answer on the phone, along with another no answer, Sat... Cancelled, no answer, no answer, and another night of sleeping in my car because I didnt realize it was 4am, Sun... No answer, No answer, busy, busy, and I ended up going home.
Ive been told "oh I get blown off all the time" But, its a little different, when the only times I havent gotten stood up in the past year were with that person, and they ended up standing me up too.
Well, thats enough for me trying to write my feelings, because if I dont care, I still have a little bit of hope... and that hope pisses me off because I can never just say "fuck it" and every time I do it haunts me and every time I dont, I get dissapointed... Well, Im glad you are doing good, hope it lasts for you, Im going to continue working, and working, and working, and Im never even home to spend my damn money.
Well... goodnight
Someone said that Smart people talk about ideas, normal people talk about events, and stupid people talk about people.
I also threw down 5 grand to buy my old car back, put a new battery in it and now it runs great, the AC doesnt work right now but Im going up to get freon put in it tomorrow. TV still in it, and I like driving it a lot better than riding.
Now that I dont smoke weed, or any of the other drugs in the past, and I dont drink and drive... I have nothing to worry about, I also drive the speed limit, so its all gravy.
I'm out of town to much to meet new people, because as soon as I do... I cant see them except when Im in town for a weekend... and usually, things dont work out in those situations for me.
I quit taking online courses and Im transferring to KSU next semester. I can only hope that things will pick up with my social life... Its just a little too hard not seeing any familiar faces, hearing any familiar voices... I'm pretty afraid of how the lonely isolation will effect me, because I know... that times like these are what make me try and make bonds quickly... because I have nobody that I have known for any consistant amount of time, either by my own accord or by others.
Trying to maintain myself and stay myself.
No matter what I look like or what I drive.
Maintain... maintain...
work hard, stretch my body out to the point of collapse.
work hard, get my money...
I cant stand the fact that there is no body out there, that could care less if they see me again. Heh, well thats how it is... I wish it wasnt, Im kind of jealous of people with deep connections, because I wish there was someone out there that doesnt leave when I try to open up.
I get really bored sometimes, and I drive around for hours in the middle of the night looking for something to do, and there is nothing... I dont care any more, I have lost hope of ever meeting anyone. I dont see how people get into these long lasting relationships... and I cant even keep in touch with someone more than a couple months. I accept the fact that Im not worth the time, I accept the fact that its my fault that people dont want to be with me, I just wish I knew what was wrong so I could change.
I thought I found something different in you, but... it was the same, but this time came without warning... Ive thought about driving out there, but I figure if you dont answer my phone calls, you dont want to see me either...
lol, its funny... I made plans, on top of plans, with back up plans all three nights this weekend. Every single one fell through, Friday... no answer on the phone, along with another no answer, Sat... Cancelled, no answer, no answer, and another night of sleeping in my car because I didnt realize it was 4am, Sun... No answer, No answer, busy, busy, and I ended up going home.
Ive been told "oh I get blown off all the time" But, its a little different, when the only times I havent gotten stood up in the past year were with that person, and they ended up standing me up too.
Well, thats enough for me trying to write my feelings, because if I dont care, I still have a little bit of hope... and that hope pisses me off because I can never just say "fuck it" and every time I do it haunts me and every time I dont, I get dissapointed... Well, Im glad you are doing good, hope it lasts for you, Im going to continue working, and working, and working, and Im never even home to spend my damn money.
Well... goodnight