kingly

It's been quite interesting these last few days. I've made one life choice and I'm pondering another. The first one was the easy one, I'm full guns sticking to a diet. I even went for walks and have really cut back. Sissy bought a scale that can actually weigh me (I'm around *gulp* 377lbs). This will actually help me in sticking to it. I get more motivated when I see I'm really losing weight. I need to do this, I have to. Wish me luck.

The second one is really tearing me up inside. And it all started out of fear. Let me explain. I discovered one of my my space friends is now a born again Christian. And what brought him to this point? Apparently sometime during last October he had an OBE which had him in Hell. I used to think of him as a borderline Satanist and to see someone do a complete turnaround is downright mind blowing. I've been exchanging messages with him to get his personal account. He had posted a link to a site and said it was basically what he saw. Kinda scared the living crap outta me! So now my already fear of dying has increased tenfold. It makes me want to get more spiritual and seek Christ, but now I'm left with the feelings that I'm almost hypocritical. I'm only doing this out of fear. My main complaint with any organized religion is it seems they're all based on fear and not love.

Another thing is I was raised Catholic and it's such a different viewpoint. The old Christian vs. Catholic battle. I really don't know what to do and I swear it's almost having me on the edge of a breakdown. Even posting about it on this site is a sin right? Seems everything I do is a sin. I try to lead a good life, I don't rob, rape, steal, or kill. Ah, but the sin of the lust of the flesh. Oh boy... I don't know, it so much to think about. Almost makes me want to isolate myself and become a hermit. Quit snickering and welcome to my 19th nervous breakdown.....