Well I sure had a pleasurable way of waking up this morning. First off, I'm getting sick again. I could feel the sore throat coming on before I went to bed last night. So I wake up my usual ungodly time, this time I was lucky to sleep at least 'till 5. First thing I do is knock my glasses off the nightstand. OK, I'm blind as a bat as is. So now I'm on my belly shining a flashlight around feeling my way for them. Lifting up the clutter of books and magazines for them (I'm a pretty bad pack rat). No such luck. On top of that, the cat starts yowling 'coz she's in heat again. I think I've entered a new portal of hell...
Well I did wind up finding them after a long search. Fuckers fell in the wastepaper basket next to the bed. Tried to go back to sleep which is always near impossible once I wake up. Did a little reading on Bob Marley. By that time morning light was coming thru the window and since it's Thursday, I had to get up to take the garbage out. Fed the cats. Made brekkie. And here I be. Another worthless day off!
Well it's official, I start partial unemployment next week. Will re-open my old claim Monday morning. Looks like I'll be working weekends only. I can only work 10 or less hours so I don't fuck up the unemployment. How I get there doesn't matter. As long as I don't go over it. I'm sure my sister will be thrilled to have me hanging around on her days off. This will lead to some tense situations. Hope I can afford to pay her the rent each week. My work check should cover that still. Guess I'll have to be the fuckin' house boy again. Anything to get her off my back and shut her up.
I really don't know what's up with the band anymore. Everything seems to be at a standstill. Wish I knew Penny's schedule each week but it seems to always change. Would be nice to get in at least one practice. The whole mixing thing kinda threw us for a loop too. We're supposed to go up to Phil's tonight, but with me now being sick and Philmore being notouriously germ phobic, it doesn't appear likely. Looks like no shows will happen up in New England this month. I tried. I gave Andy the phone number for the one dude and he still hasn't called him. Looks like none of us can afford it and those 2 still have their crazy work schedules anyway. Oh well. Maybe next year we'll finally have a van. I still don't know how we're gonna do it all ourselves with no management, booking agent, etc. Punk Rock is all about doing it yourself. I'll let them worry about it.
The sad thing is I'm more excited about the Black Crowes then my own band. I'm already dreaming of going "on tour" for possible 2006 dates. I'll take along my niece Michelle. She has nothing better to do it seems. As much as I love playing this Ramones inspired music, my first love was classic rock and jam bands. I think the perfect way to describe the Crowes is "it's like the Grateful Dead and Led Zeppelin had a baby". You get the psychedelic jams, softer stuff, but the Zeppish crunch and riffs too. A perfect combo for me. Seeing that band was like a revelation. Makes me want to get back to my roots.
Another factor with my own band is I really don't enjoy playing out anymore. Ever since my friggin' heart kicked in that one show earlier this year it's like I'm playing in fear everytime. I can't even sing backing vocals 100 % now cause of it. I really, really need to get myself into better shape but then in my depression I get even worse. I'm really tempted to go to Cape counseling. I'm ready for happy candy for sure. I did go to that "depression hurts" website and filled out the forms. I'm definately a canidate! Mental illness does run in the family. Guess I'm just carrying on the tradition...
Another thing that has really gotten me bummed I guess is Jackie was cleaning the other day and found all the pictures she took at my wedding. I literally haven't seen them since I left Louisiana back in early 2002. It's like I put those 4 years there completely out of my mind and seeing the images brought it all back. Yes, I've still been in touch with Martha. Still proud to say we're friends. We both still say how truely wonderful our wedding and honeymoon was. Shame the marriage didn't work that way. I can't be shelfish and hurt her anymore. After the Andrea breakup in my madness I said maybe we would get back together. She was excited at the possibilities then I let her down for a second time. I do love my wife but I still question if I was truely in love with her. It would be the ultimate in selfishness to go back right now because of my lonliness. That's basically what it would be. And as long as her kids are still around it just wouldn't work anyway. I'm just filled with these mixed emotions. Seeing those pics remind me of the good times. But there was plenty of bad times too. And what about Cindy? I do love her but the waiting is getting to me I guess. How long can I wait? I'm just sick of being alone sometimes. But then even I realize I don't think I could live with someone 24-7. I do need my space. Once again, I'm just one big fucking mess.
The dream scenario is Cindy and I running away to go on tour with the Crowes next year. Once again I live in my dreams. Fantasy is always much better than reality anyway.........
Well I did wind up finding them after a long search. Fuckers fell in the wastepaper basket next to the bed. Tried to go back to sleep which is always near impossible once I wake up. Did a little reading on Bob Marley. By that time morning light was coming thru the window and since it's Thursday, I had to get up to take the garbage out. Fed the cats. Made brekkie. And here I be. Another worthless day off!
Well it's official, I start partial unemployment next week. Will re-open my old claim Monday morning. Looks like I'll be working weekends only. I can only work 10 or less hours so I don't fuck up the unemployment. How I get there doesn't matter. As long as I don't go over it. I'm sure my sister will be thrilled to have me hanging around on her days off. This will lead to some tense situations. Hope I can afford to pay her the rent each week. My work check should cover that still. Guess I'll have to be the fuckin' house boy again. Anything to get her off my back and shut her up.
I really don't know what's up with the band anymore. Everything seems to be at a standstill. Wish I knew Penny's schedule each week but it seems to always change. Would be nice to get in at least one practice. The whole mixing thing kinda threw us for a loop too. We're supposed to go up to Phil's tonight, but with me now being sick and Philmore being notouriously germ phobic, it doesn't appear likely. Looks like no shows will happen up in New England this month. I tried. I gave Andy the phone number for the one dude and he still hasn't called him. Looks like none of us can afford it and those 2 still have their crazy work schedules anyway. Oh well. Maybe next year we'll finally have a van. I still don't know how we're gonna do it all ourselves with no management, booking agent, etc. Punk Rock is all about doing it yourself. I'll let them worry about it.
The sad thing is I'm more excited about the Black Crowes then my own band. I'm already dreaming of going "on tour" for possible 2006 dates. I'll take along my niece Michelle. She has nothing better to do it seems. As much as I love playing this Ramones inspired music, my first love was classic rock and jam bands. I think the perfect way to describe the Crowes is "it's like the Grateful Dead and Led Zeppelin had a baby". You get the psychedelic jams, softer stuff, but the Zeppish crunch and riffs too. A perfect combo for me. Seeing that band was like a revelation. Makes me want to get back to my roots.
Another factor with my own band is I really don't enjoy playing out anymore. Ever since my friggin' heart kicked in that one show earlier this year it's like I'm playing in fear everytime. I can't even sing backing vocals 100 % now cause of it. I really, really need to get myself into better shape but then in my depression I get even worse. I'm really tempted to go to Cape counseling. I'm ready for happy candy for sure. I did go to that "depression hurts" website and filled out the forms. I'm definately a canidate! Mental illness does run in the family. Guess I'm just carrying on the tradition...
Another thing that has really gotten me bummed I guess is Jackie was cleaning the other day and found all the pictures she took at my wedding. I literally haven't seen them since I left Louisiana back in early 2002. It's like I put those 4 years there completely out of my mind and seeing the images brought it all back. Yes, I've still been in touch with Martha. Still proud to say we're friends. We both still say how truely wonderful our wedding and honeymoon was. Shame the marriage didn't work that way. I can't be shelfish and hurt her anymore. After the Andrea breakup in my madness I said maybe we would get back together. She was excited at the possibilities then I let her down for a second time. I do love my wife but I still question if I was truely in love with her. It would be the ultimate in selfishness to go back right now because of my lonliness. That's basically what it would be. And as long as her kids are still around it just wouldn't work anyway. I'm just filled with these mixed emotions. Seeing those pics remind me of the good times. But there was plenty of bad times too. And what about Cindy? I do love her but the waiting is getting to me I guess. How long can I wait? I'm just sick of being alone sometimes. But then even I realize I don't think I could live with someone 24-7. I do need my space. Once again, I'm just one big fucking mess.
The dream scenario is Cindy and I running away to go on tour with the Crowes next year. Once again I live in my dreams. Fantasy is always much better than reality anyway.........
sally:
thanks for your comment in my set! 