killricky

i designed the perfect girl once. she was a friend of a friend, and - from the moment i never met her - i decided she was the seamless combination of intellect, wit, and altruistic sincerity (she was also supposedly an english major). my love for this girl was spawned before i ever laid eyes on her; her physical appearance was mearly described to me by other people, and i quite suddenly convinced myself that this woman was my soul mate. im not sure why i did this; maybe it just seemed like an interesting decision to make in advance. i do this sort of thing quite often (sometimes i buy records and pick which song is my favorite before i actually play them, and i find i am right almost half the time). since i had never spoken to this woman (her name was annette) and had only an anecdotal understanding of what she looked like, my best avenue for cementing our future passion was to send her a letter, which is what i did. and since david letterman was very popular at the time (and since i am not creative, and since i was sixteen), i sent her a comically agile top 10 list, which i titled \"the top 10 reasons annette should fall in love with r. martin.\" my assumption was that we would share our first kiss forty-eight to seventy-two hours after she recieved this missive, particularly becuase of the cleaverness of reason number 4, which was as follows:

4) i am almost a carnivore.

unfortunately, annette wasnt my soul mate. she also was not an english major, a fact that became abundantly clear when our mutal friend told me he talked to her on the telephone and asked her about my letter, to which she replied, \"why would i possibly want to date someone who eats other humans?\" and the thing that broke my heart wasnt that she didnt know the definition of the word carnivore; i could live with that. what killed me was that she thought i claimed to be \"almost a cannibal.\" and that didnt work, either.