killgannon

because im so cool i was able to aquire a copy of emails between steve-o and party boy and this shit is legit people and im as serious as a heart attack



A Special E-Mail from Steve-O of jackass and wild boyz
Body: This message is for everyone who is my friend. Pontius and I have had a remarkable exchange of e-mails. It's not really the kind of thing that I should post anywhere, so I'm just sharing it with my friends. Oh yeah, except for the part about Pontius getting engaged to Claire, and maybe the part about Pontius becoming a reverend, this is true:

From Pontius, to everyone:

Hey, just letting everybody know that I have become an
ordained Reverend. From now on, I am a man o' God.
If any of you decide to get hitched, I would be happy
to perform your wedding. If you decide to die, I'll
perform your funeral! If any of you ever have a little
boy in need of some sunday school lessons, I'll
buttfuck the shit out of him. x x x. As I often
experienced during the cecullar period of my life,
poop never could smell stinkier than when it's on the
tip of your tallywacker but nothin' that a couple of
sucks off a decent pair of dick suckin' lips couldn't
cure. I learned that from my second "major"
girlfriend, Noelle. Boy, did that character have a
poor self esteem. She was actually the first one that
I officially ass fucked. I'd been obsessed with it for
years. EVEN BEFORE I'D EVEN DONE IT! My first "major"
girlfriend let me try but I never got much further
than the head. She was born with a small butthole, as
a child, the doctor had to actually cut it bigger so
she could poo! Her name is Jen Osburn and she now
lives in Tucson, Arizona. I'd be happy to introduce
you to her but don't expect any door number 2 action
from her. Anyway, that concludes my sermon for today.
Peace be with you!
Jesus loves you,
Reverend Christopher Pontius

From Bea to me:
Oh my gosh!!! Pontius just called me and told he him and Claire are getting HITCHED!!! Hes gonna bring her here on the 5th-day before Leno..and theyre keeping their fingers crossed and hoping she wont have problems getting in the countryand then theyre gonna get married here in California and were all gonna go and RAGE at their wedding!! These were his words..Beayou know..I cant be a ladys man anymoreand plus its the only way we can be together He so cute and funny!!

From me to Chris:
Chris,
I've heard allegations about you becoming engaged and I feel the need to offer some unsolicited advice. If you want me to remain silent at this wedding you're allegedly planning, I'm going to need you to become a polygamist. It would simply be wrong for you to tie yourself down to one individual, for God's sake-- with a body like yours (buns, gloots, and fanny in particular) it would be downright criminally insane. Therefore, I have the perfect solution. Let's immediately meet up in Massachusetts, or wherever the hell it is that it's legal for you and I to become married. Then, let's go to Utah where it will be legal for each of us to have an additional wedding. Your news of being ordained as a Reverend really got me thinking. If you want to marry Claire, you have to marry me first and then oversee the ceremony of me marrying May. Either way, if you plan on going through with any weddings, expect me to be the "worst man" at all of them. Love, -O

From Jeff Tremaine:
If I become a licensed boat captain, I think I could legally marry Chris and Steve-O in international waters. I just bought a beautiful nautical scarf and sailor suit, and this would be a perfect occasion to unveil it.

From Pontius to me:
I totally agree with you. Polygamy is rad! If I didn't
hate the cold I would have moved to Utah years ago. I
even suggested months ago to Claire that we move there
to I can have lots of wives and she could be the head
one! She didn't like the idea though. She is cool but
not that cool. Anyway, seriously, immigration does
hold a pressence in all this. It is pretty fuckin'
impossible to have relationship with someone that
lives thousands of miles away. We would've gotten
hitched anyway but this stuff does speed things up.
I'm pretty phyched though. I have the best girl ever.
"Oh, listen to me, I sound like a schoolgirl."-Harold
and Maude.
Polygamy is the answer. You know when they say you
can't have your cake and eat it too. Those fuckers
never heard of Brigham "fuckin'" Young. Oh man, I
can't wait to get to Massachusetts so we can shave our
beards. I am kinda nervous about calling your father
to ask for your hand. Do you think our new show will
be kind of like newlyweds? Anyway, as a man of God, I
would be honored to perform you and May's wedding
ceromony. As a man of God, it's my duty. As a
polygasmist, I would like to offer her my hand as
well. She is everything I've ever wanted in a woman.
Intelligent, attractive, and a hard worker. On top of
all that, she told me that she is a great cook! We
should make a show about our new big family to be.
We'll make a million bucks and lord knows we'll need
it. With all these wives and children, there are going
to be alot of mouths to feed. Alright, good to hear
from you and see you soon. I think we got ourselves a
show!
Love, Reverend P

Chris,
How did you send that to just me? It was gold, complete gold, and, you're absolutely right. I mean the Brady Bunch got ratings like crazy, and we'll have more spouses than they had kids. Pure fucking gold, dude: "The Polygamy Bunch". I'm forwarding all of this to Tremaine and telling him to get to work on those assholes at MTV immediately, we're going to need "Osbournes loot" for this budget. Good going hon, don't worry either, I think my Dad really likes you...-O