I decided to share this here, but am keeping it a little more private and did **** to my schooling / neighborhood information.
Once upon a time, there was a girl.
There was also a boy.
I'm the girl.
The boy is what this story is about though.
His name was Ryan.
I don't like saying "was" but that's how this story ends.
Let me start it now.
I grew up in a town outside of ****, called ****, it was in the **** (****. ****.) school district. Of course, I started out as a catholic school girl until 3rd grade. Yeah, not really my scene. I then started in the public schools for my district. Not many kids liked me. I was a scape goat and constantly teased. I really didn't have a lot of friends. Sometimes none. It made school horrible and it made me a pretty pissed of kid. I would do a lot of really dumb things in class for attention, hoping the other kids would like me. Nah, see that shit don't work and instead I was alinated more. So by the time middle school rolled around I had the most rumors about me and even my own song: "woof woof, bow wow, Katie eats puppy chow". They called me "Dog". I guess my bullies were dislexic.
By 7th grade I had become hella out of control. I ended up getting expelled and attending **** **** schools. I done did well there. Made friends, got on honor roll, ran track..ya know, normal shit that kids do when growing up. Then I decided I missed my home district. I did have a few friends there and it was harder to stay in touch not seeing them during the day. I don't know why, probably age and such w/ no cars or being able to even get a license. Either way I doomed myself by choosing to reattend **** in my sophmore year. They set me back though as a freshy just 'cause who knows actually...
It became the BIGGEST mistake of my life. Although that one choice fucked up a lot for me, it also brought said boy, Ryan in case you all forgot, into my life. He was a senior. He was popular. He was cute. He was the most amazing fucking human (aside from Vince) that I ever had the privledge of knowing.
Why? You ask.
Ryan didn't hate me. He did not tease me or try and encourage my out of control attention getting bullshit behavior. Old habits die hard I suppose 'cause I went right back into that when I went back to the school and such. Anyway, Ryan and I ate lunch at the same time. He and I would sit at the same table. He didn't care what others thought about me, he liked me and we were friends.
That friendship grew. He took me to my first hardcore show (Strife and Earth Crisis @ the Chruch). He made me mix tapes of all these bands he liked. He came over my house to play Street Fighter on Super Nintendo. I went to his house to watch Blues Brothers and I forget what else. We would walk each other home. We were best friends. I was falling in love.
Ryan grew up in a house with EXTREMELY strict parents. They hated me because I was different. They thought I was bad for their son. They did not like the reputation I had. They were VERY unhappy with Ryan and I hanging out. We had to keep it a secret. It sucked. But we stayed close. Then Ryan graduated. He went off to college @ Penn State, Erie Campus. It broke my heart. I didn't stay @ **** the whole "re-freshman" year anyway and was now going through "alternitive" schools like it was my job. I ended up at **** in **** ****.
Ryan and I talked on the phone all the time. I missed him. He missed me. He came home to visit. My crush was something I finally let him know about. We kissed. I never thought we would and we did. My heart was happy. I was happy. Ryan was the greatest guy I had ever had the chance to be close to like that at this point. He would set standards that I would still end up breaking, but whatever. haha
Now Ryan and I were even closer. We weren't dating. We never became boyfriend and girlfriend. His parents wouldn't stand for that. He went back to college. I was having trouble at home. I called him one night after a horrible fight with my mom. She had thrown me out of the house. I was 15. I was really upset. Ryan told me to come stay with him up at school for a weekend to smooth things over with my mom. I accepted his offer. The biggest mistake I made was not telling my family. I just got my money together, dropped my pet rat off at my friend Laura's and took a train into the city.
In the city I got on a Greyhound going to Erie. It was a weird trip 'cause we went through upstate New York. By the time I reached Suracuse my family knew where I had gone. They called Ryan's family. Ryan's family were more angry than my parents could ever be. They called him, told him I was NOT allowed to be up there with him and if they found out I was there they would stop helping him with school. They even called campus police to make sure I didn't make it onto the proporty. My family called the regular fuzz and in Suracuse I was told to go back home by their local cops. I got on a bus back to Philly.
It was then that Ryan and I stopped speaking. His family made sure of it.
Life went on. This is around the time I actually started @ ****. Ryan worked @ a grocery store a few blocks from my school when he was home on breaks. In December of '97 I went to go see him. He told me we couldn't be friends yet. It had been a year and he was STILL scared of his family. He obeyed their rules. I left and never saw him again.
July 16th, 1999 6 years ago today Ryan killed himself.
Ryan at some point in the 2 years we didn't talk transferred to Penn State Main. All the time I knew him he was straight edge. I don't know what changed in him. I've never had a full account from just one person. Two people told me what happened. But I found out about his death 1 (maybe 2?) years after.
I missed him. I had never experienced anything close to love. I don't know if I have even to this day. But the feelings I had for him haven't been duplicated since. (Which is why I say he set a standard). I wrote him a letter sharing how important he had been in my life and the only address I knew to send it to was his home in Flourtown. His mom got the letter. She called my home and spoke to my dad (I was at work at the time). I got home from work and my dad asked me if I was trying to get in touch with Ryan. My heart flew. I thought he had called. Then out came the news. Ryan was dead. I collapsed and couldn't stop crying. My dad had gone to a library and gotten a copy of his obit. to show me proof. It wasn't real, but yet it was. I called his mom. She told me he was hit by a truck.
This is where the other 2 accounts come into play. One was from a close family friend of his that I knew from high school. I ran into @ a bar later that year. She is the one who informed me it was suicide. He took a running start down a hill into traffic. The acid part came from a mutual friend of ours who I happen to run into last year on my birthday. He and Ryan were best friends actually. So he was the one who told me about how Ryan was tripping when he did it.
This is all. I just wanted to share the story of life and death about the most amazing person I have ever known. I still play the tape he gave me. I lent the other one thinking I would get it back. HA! I still search endlessly for those songs that were on it to duplicate it.
Drugs are fucking bad. Suicide is fucking stupid. PLEASE go get help before you let either consume your life.
Rest In Peace Ryan A. Scott.
Once upon a time, there was a girl.
There was also a boy.
I'm the girl.
The boy is what this story is about though.
His name was Ryan.
I don't like saying "was" but that's how this story ends.
Let me start it now.
I grew up in a town outside of ****, called ****, it was in the **** (****. ****.) school district. Of course, I started out as a catholic school girl until 3rd grade. Yeah, not really my scene. I then started in the public schools for my district. Not many kids liked me. I was a scape goat and constantly teased. I really didn't have a lot of friends. Sometimes none. It made school horrible and it made me a pretty pissed of kid. I would do a lot of really dumb things in class for attention, hoping the other kids would like me. Nah, see that shit don't work and instead I was alinated more. So by the time middle school rolled around I had the most rumors about me and even my own song: "woof woof, bow wow, Katie eats puppy chow". They called me "Dog". I guess my bullies were dislexic.
By 7th grade I had become hella out of control. I ended up getting expelled and attending **** **** schools. I done did well there. Made friends, got on honor roll, ran track..ya know, normal shit that kids do when growing up. Then I decided I missed my home district. I did have a few friends there and it was harder to stay in touch not seeing them during the day. I don't know why, probably age and such w/ no cars or being able to even get a license. Either way I doomed myself by choosing to reattend **** in my sophmore year. They set me back though as a freshy just 'cause who knows actually...
It became the BIGGEST mistake of my life. Although that one choice fucked up a lot for me, it also brought said boy, Ryan in case you all forgot, into my life. He was a senior. He was popular. He was cute. He was the most amazing fucking human (aside from Vince) that I ever had the privledge of knowing.
Why? You ask.
Ryan didn't hate me. He did not tease me or try and encourage my out of control attention getting bullshit behavior. Old habits die hard I suppose 'cause I went right back into that when I went back to the school and such. Anyway, Ryan and I ate lunch at the same time. He and I would sit at the same table. He didn't care what others thought about me, he liked me and we were friends.
That friendship grew. He took me to my first hardcore show (Strife and Earth Crisis @ the Chruch). He made me mix tapes of all these bands he liked. He came over my house to play Street Fighter on Super Nintendo. I went to his house to watch Blues Brothers and I forget what else. We would walk each other home. We were best friends. I was falling in love.
Ryan grew up in a house with EXTREMELY strict parents. They hated me because I was different. They thought I was bad for their son. They did not like the reputation I had. They were VERY unhappy with Ryan and I hanging out. We had to keep it a secret. It sucked. But we stayed close. Then Ryan graduated. He went off to college @ Penn State, Erie Campus. It broke my heart. I didn't stay @ **** the whole "re-freshman" year anyway and was now going through "alternitive" schools like it was my job. I ended up at **** in **** ****.
Ryan and I talked on the phone all the time. I missed him. He missed me. He came home to visit. My crush was something I finally let him know about. We kissed. I never thought we would and we did. My heart was happy. I was happy. Ryan was the greatest guy I had ever had the chance to be close to like that at this point. He would set standards that I would still end up breaking, but whatever. haha
Now Ryan and I were even closer. We weren't dating. We never became boyfriend and girlfriend. His parents wouldn't stand for that. He went back to college. I was having trouble at home. I called him one night after a horrible fight with my mom. She had thrown me out of the house. I was 15. I was really upset. Ryan told me to come stay with him up at school for a weekend to smooth things over with my mom. I accepted his offer. The biggest mistake I made was not telling my family. I just got my money together, dropped my pet rat off at my friend Laura's and took a train into the city.
In the city I got on a Greyhound going to Erie. It was a weird trip 'cause we went through upstate New York. By the time I reached Suracuse my family knew where I had gone. They called Ryan's family. Ryan's family were more angry than my parents could ever be. They called him, told him I was NOT allowed to be up there with him and if they found out I was there they would stop helping him with school. They even called campus police to make sure I didn't make it onto the proporty. My family called the regular fuzz and in Suracuse I was told to go back home by their local cops. I got on a bus back to Philly.
It was then that Ryan and I stopped speaking. His family made sure of it.
Life went on. This is around the time I actually started @ ****. Ryan worked @ a grocery store a few blocks from my school when he was home on breaks. In December of '97 I went to go see him. He told me we couldn't be friends yet. It had been a year and he was STILL scared of his family. He obeyed their rules. I left and never saw him again.
July 16th, 1999 6 years ago today Ryan killed himself.
Ryan at some point in the 2 years we didn't talk transferred to Penn State Main. All the time I knew him he was straight edge. I don't know what changed in him. I've never had a full account from just one person. Two people told me what happened. But I found out about his death 1 (maybe 2?) years after.
I missed him. I had never experienced anything close to love. I don't know if I have even to this day. But the feelings I had for him haven't been duplicated since. (Which is why I say he set a standard). I wrote him a letter sharing how important he had been in my life and the only address I knew to send it to was his home in Flourtown. His mom got the letter. She called my home and spoke to my dad (I was at work at the time). I got home from work and my dad asked me if I was trying to get in touch with Ryan. My heart flew. I thought he had called. Then out came the news. Ryan was dead. I collapsed and couldn't stop crying. My dad had gone to a library and gotten a copy of his obit. to show me proof. It wasn't real, but yet it was. I called his mom. She told me he was hit by a truck.
This is where the other 2 accounts come into play. One was from a close family friend of his that I knew from high school. I ran into @ a bar later that year. She is the one who informed me it was suicide. He took a running start down a hill into traffic. The acid part came from a mutual friend of ours who I happen to run into last year on my birthday. He and Ryan were best friends actually. So he was the one who told me about how Ryan was tripping when he did it.
This is all. I just wanted to share the story of life and death about the most amazing person I have ever known. I still play the tape he gave me. I lent the other one thinking I would get it back. HA! I still search endlessly for those songs that were on it to duplicate it.
Drugs are fucking bad. Suicide is fucking stupid. PLEASE go get help before you let either consume your life.
Rest In Peace Ryan A. Scott.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
emily_m:
Happy birthday!
velvetknuckles:
HHAAPPYY BBBIIIRRRTTTHHHDDDAAAYYY!!!!!!!!!