A little while back, I made an entry on how terrible my work situation was. In it I explained how I basically just felt unappreciated and was made the night crew's "whipping boy" as it were.
I then later retracted said statement because I thought I was the one who was having the problem.
I now regret that retraction.
I think I have just quit my job. I know for sure that I will no longer be working nights there, with those same people ever again.
I had trouble with them the first time I worked third shift with them (a few years ago, before I was put in charge of Frozen Food), and I am now finding. I think, that I'm having those same problems.
I've tried everything I can think of to get along with these people. But I still end up being the "Omega Wolf". I would rather be the "Lone Wolf", than to take their abuse any longer.
I'm upset about this whole situation. Not really ranting and raving angry, but still upset, none-the-less.
What happened was this. I came into work tonight, early as usual (45mins to be exact). The Supervisor had to clock me in, and as soon as I did, he said "We need to talk.", y'know, in that "You're in trouble/We have a problem/You've done something wrong type of tone".
He, and the rest of the crew, start in on me about my performance. About how I'm not doing as much as I should, and that I'm going to have to "step-it-up".
I admit that I have trouble taking critisism, especially when it comes to something I take a little bit of pride in, like my work.
I'm not the fastest, I'm not the best, and I'm nowhere near either of those two, but I show up and, I may not give 110%, but I give as much effort as they do, occasionally a little more.
But I take it. Not really in stride though, but I decide to just get to work and try to do my job anyway.
A little later, I had just unstacked the merchandise that I was going to work, and some of the others stuff too. But I did'nt have a cart handy to stack it on, so I set it on the floor, intending to get a cart later....after all, I needed to "step-it-up".
The fellow whose stuff I had put on the floor, came up to me, on the floor in front of customers mind you, and start yelling at me about how I had stacked his stuff on the floor, when he had put my stuff on a cart for me.
I tried to tell him that I was getting to it, but he would'nt listen!
I admit, I was already upset (to the point of crying, admittedly), but this was just the last straw. I did'nt yell or anything. I just quitely said "Fuck this, I'm going home.", and walked back to the timeclock, clocked out, grabbed my stuff, walked up to the front, told one of the people up front "I'm leaving, and I don't know if I'm coming back" went out to my truck, and, because I was so mad at that point, spun out my tires and left.
I was so upset when I got home, I started crying. That's right, I'm man enough to admit that I cry. I don't really go in for that "men don't cry" macho-bullshit. I try not to bottle shit like this up, because it can drive you nuts. I guess that's why I'm making this entry, is to just get it off of my chest.
All-in-all though, this whole thing has me worried to no end. I worked that job for more than eight years. I became attached in a way. And it was'nt a bad job, in fact, I think it might have been the best job I've had so far. But I just can't take this situation anymore. I'm tired of being their "punching bag". I can't help but worry what they're thinking and saying about me. What kind of shit are they making up? Because, and this is one of the problems I have with them, they blow things out of proportion. Which is probably what they were doing when they were berrating me.
That does'nt matter anymore I guess. I'm not going back to work with those people. I just can't handle it anymore.
I'm going to go in this morning, and talk with the co-manager (the manager is off today) and talk with her about all of this, and see if there is anything of my job that can be salvaged.
I'm hoping they can just put me on a different shift, in another department. But if worse comes to worst, I'll be looking for another job.
It should'nt be too hard. Because of my record with this job, I should have a decent work record. And I've actually learned a couple of transferable job skills. I'm licsened to operate both a powered-industrial-truck, and a straddle-stacker (which is basically a walk-behind fork-lift).
I just don't know. Right now, I'm just feeling all kinds of negativity. I hope things can work out for the better.
No matter what now, it definitely looks like I won't be getting that motorcycle anytime in the near future.
I hate this so much. I don't know whether to scream, hit something, cry, beat the shit out of somebody, or what-have-you. I feel drained. And still, I've got to get my thoughts together, and stay rational for my meeting with the co-manager this morning.
I guess, altogether, there's going to be alot of change going on with me. I wish I had an easy solution for all of this, but there are none. I just hope I'm strong enough to handle it.
I'm sorry I did'nt wish anyone "Happy Valentine's Day!" yesterday, but I think you understand that I'm going through some heavy shit right now. But....
"Happy Valentine's Day!!" for what it's worth.
This was'nt just some temporary job, but something I was planning on sticking with. Maybe this is my chance to do something better. I'm trying to look on the bright side, but it's difficult.
I'll probably have more to say later, but that's all for now.
Later.
UPDATE
Well, I'm still employed. And I'm still gonna work nights, with the same people. But that sure as hell does'nt mean I'm happy about it.
I lost my temper, yes. But I think I did the right thing walking out like I did, instead of losing control with that guy.
And I think this has shown me another thing. Like I said before, things are gonna change. Meaning, I'm not gonna stay with that job. I can't handle the stress. Not just emotional and social, but the physical stress as well. I've already got arthritis for pete's sake. And I also know that I can do better than that job.
I hate that this whole situation had to happen, but it did, and I can't go back and change it. I'm just gonna have to make the best of it all.
I need to go back to school. I need to learn a trade. Even if it's one I may end up not liking, it would be a start. And a new trade would give me a better paying job, so that if I decided I did'nt like it, I could pay for another education.
You're never too old to learn.
I still won't be getting that bike. It's just not as important as some other things in my life right now. I need to put my efforts elsewhere now.
I'm tired, and I have alot of stuff to think over......
Late.
I then later retracted said statement because I thought I was the one who was having the problem.
I now regret that retraction.
I think I have just quit my job. I know for sure that I will no longer be working nights there, with those same people ever again.
I had trouble with them the first time I worked third shift with them (a few years ago, before I was put in charge of Frozen Food), and I am now finding. I think, that I'm having those same problems.
I've tried everything I can think of to get along with these people. But I still end up being the "Omega Wolf". I would rather be the "Lone Wolf", than to take their abuse any longer.
I'm upset about this whole situation. Not really ranting and raving angry, but still upset, none-the-less.
What happened was this. I came into work tonight, early as usual (45mins to be exact). The Supervisor had to clock me in, and as soon as I did, he said "We need to talk.", y'know, in that "You're in trouble/We have a problem/You've done something wrong type of tone".
He, and the rest of the crew, start in on me about my performance. About how I'm not doing as much as I should, and that I'm going to have to "step-it-up".
I admit that I have trouble taking critisism, especially when it comes to something I take a little bit of pride in, like my work.
I'm not the fastest, I'm not the best, and I'm nowhere near either of those two, but I show up and, I may not give 110%, but I give as much effort as they do, occasionally a little more.
But I take it. Not really in stride though, but I decide to just get to work and try to do my job anyway.
A little later, I had just unstacked the merchandise that I was going to work, and some of the others stuff too. But I did'nt have a cart handy to stack it on, so I set it on the floor, intending to get a cart later....after all, I needed to "step-it-up".
The fellow whose stuff I had put on the floor, came up to me, on the floor in front of customers mind you, and start yelling at me about how I had stacked his stuff on the floor, when he had put my stuff on a cart for me.
I tried to tell him that I was getting to it, but he would'nt listen!
I admit, I was already upset (to the point of crying, admittedly), but this was just the last straw. I did'nt yell or anything. I just quitely said "Fuck this, I'm going home.", and walked back to the timeclock, clocked out, grabbed my stuff, walked up to the front, told one of the people up front "I'm leaving, and I don't know if I'm coming back" went out to my truck, and, because I was so mad at that point, spun out my tires and left.
I was so upset when I got home, I started crying. That's right, I'm man enough to admit that I cry. I don't really go in for that "men don't cry" macho-bullshit. I try not to bottle shit like this up, because it can drive you nuts. I guess that's why I'm making this entry, is to just get it off of my chest.
All-in-all though, this whole thing has me worried to no end. I worked that job for more than eight years. I became attached in a way. And it was'nt a bad job, in fact, I think it might have been the best job I've had so far. But I just can't take this situation anymore. I'm tired of being their "punching bag". I can't help but worry what they're thinking and saying about me. What kind of shit are they making up? Because, and this is one of the problems I have with them, they blow things out of proportion. Which is probably what they were doing when they were berrating me.
That does'nt matter anymore I guess. I'm not going back to work with those people. I just can't handle it anymore.
I'm going to go in this morning, and talk with the co-manager (the manager is off today) and talk with her about all of this, and see if there is anything of my job that can be salvaged.
I'm hoping they can just put me on a different shift, in another department. But if worse comes to worst, I'll be looking for another job.
It should'nt be too hard. Because of my record with this job, I should have a decent work record. And I've actually learned a couple of transferable job skills. I'm licsened to operate both a powered-industrial-truck, and a straddle-stacker (which is basically a walk-behind fork-lift).
I just don't know. Right now, I'm just feeling all kinds of negativity. I hope things can work out for the better.
No matter what now, it definitely looks like I won't be getting that motorcycle anytime in the near future.
I hate this so much. I don't know whether to scream, hit something, cry, beat the shit out of somebody, or what-have-you. I feel drained. And still, I've got to get my thoughts together, and stay rational for my meeting with the co-manager this morning.
I guess, altogether, there's going to be alot of change going on with me. I wish I had an easy solution for all of this, but there are none. I just hope I'm strong enough to handle it.
I'm sorry I did'nt wish anyone "Happy Valentine's Day!" yesterday, but I think you understand that I'm going through some heavy shit right now. But....
"Happy Valentine's Day!!" for what it's worth.
This was'nt just some temporary job, but something I was planning on sticking with. Maybe this is my chance to do something better. I'm trying to look on the bright side, but it's difficult.
I'll probably have more to say later, but that's all for now.
Later.
UPDATE
Well, I'm still employed. And I'm still gonna work nights, with the same people. But that sure as hell does'nt mean I'm happy about it.
I lost my temper, yes. But I think I did the right thing walking out like I did, instead of losing control with that guy.
And I think this has shown me another thing. Like I said before, things are gonna change. Meaning, I'm not gonna stay with that job. I can't handle the stress. Not just emotional and social, but the physical stress as well. I've already got arthritis for pete's sake. And I also know that I can do better than that job.
I hate that this whole situation had to happen, but it did, and I can't go back and change it. I'm just gonna have to make the best of it all.
I need to go back to school. I need to learn a trade. Even if it's one I may end up not liking, it would be a start. And a new trade would give me a better paying job, so that if I decided I did'nt like it, I could pay for another education.
You're never too old to learn.
I still won't be getting that bike. It's just not as important as some other things in my life right now. I need to put my efforts elsewhere now.
I'm tired, and I have alot of stuff to think over......
Late.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
So....you're saying that we don't actually have to prove that we're not complete morons, so long as we make the "attempt" to prove such.
Of course, how else do you think you got on my list?
Life is too short to take all that at work. You spend the majority of your life working, there is no point in working somewhere that makes you feel so shitty. Maybe you should start to look for another job? Or the education course, I don't know how it works over there but here there are all kinds of benefits and grants you can obtain to help with further education...good luck anyway, I hope things work out.