khoos

as funny as this sounds, jealousy doesn't even register on my emotional scale. Girlfriends get upset about it because i don't show jealousy mostly because i don't feel jealousy, it doesn't register. Not just romantically either, but in all aspects of it. I sincerely just don't care if someone thinks something they have is better than mine or if someone actually does have something that is better.

It gets weird from time to time. Catastrophic events like funerals and deaths don't register with me like other people and it's the same with other things like weddings or events that are supposed to be happy.

Anxiety worsens it and enhances my desire to withdrawal from people and social activities. When i am doing well, i am doing well, when i am not doing well everything flares.

I can't even spot it.

I was at a bar talking to random people, some of them women and the girl i was with was frantically upset with me. She shut down and wouldn't talk to me and i honestly couldn't figure it out, i was backtracking everything i did in an attempt to figure out where i crossed the line.

She finally broke down and told me it was because i was being flirtatious with other girls. Didn't even dawn on me for a second that a) I was being flirtatious and b) she was jealous.

I don't drink much anymore, but if i ever make it to NJ i may make an exception.