kg

i did the right thing...i know i did...i had to have. tell me i did. please...

jonathan: i just realized that i could call up my friends
kelsey: yep
jonathan: so it's not that i just want something to do
jonathan: just so you know
kelsey: thanks
kelsey: quick question, though
jonathan: yesm?
kelsey: are you intentionally hitting on me, or am i just getting the wrong vibe?
jonathan: i think i am
jonathan: is that intentionally bad?
kelsey: depends
jonathan: on what?
kelsey: your availability
jonathan: i'm still with ali
kelsey: then yeah, it's bad
jonathan: yeah it is huh
kelsey: yeah
jonathan: so you probably dont want to talk huh?
kelsey: well, yeah, i do
kelsey: but you're confusing.
jonathan: i couldve told you that
kelsey: typetypetype
kelsey: are you happy?
jonathan: i dont know
jonathan: i'm on some sort of edge
jonathan: and i don't know which side i'm slipping to
kelsey: you should figure that out
jonathan: and that in itse3lf is way to simple an explanation
jonathan: .i should but how?
kelsey: that, sir, is entirely up to you
kelsey: but if i were you
jonathan: yeah
jonathan: i quit
kelsey: i'd ask myself why i was happy
kelsey: and keep at that
kelsey: and ask myself why i wasn't
kelsey: and stop that
jonathan: but it's not that simple
kelsey: because you're a complicated man
kelsey: i'm a rather simple (well, in this department) person
kelsey: so it's easier fo rme to say so
jonathan: im not complicated as much as i am uneasy
kelsey: hm
kelsey: well then tell me
kelsey: what makes you happy?
jonathan: music, film, friends, love, passion and novelty
kelsey: and what makes you unhappy?
jonathan: complacency, boredom and hate
kelsey: and how do those things all, happiness and unhappiness, apply to your situation?
jonathan: i want to be close to you but i don't want to lose ali
jonathan: so i'm confused (which is another part of the unhappy)
kelsey: well i like you
kelsey: but she loves you
kelsey: and that seems a little more important, no?
jonathan: do you want me at all?
kelsey: in which sense?
jonathan: any
kelsey: platonic? definitely.
kelsey: romantic? yeah, since i met you.
kelsey: but i'm not prepared to come between what you have going for you.
jonathan: i just want to spend one night close to you
jonathan: i want to know the shape of your hip and smell of your hair for night
jonathan: so that i know i'm not stuck in the conventional good life
jonathan: so i know the world is still breathing ourside my window
kelsey: have you seen the last kiss with zack braff?
jonathan: no
kelsey: it's a lot like this.
jonathan: was it worth the 10 quid?
kelsey: only with better intention.
kelsey: and probably not.
jonathan: what was the intention?
kelsey: that one was pure lust and selfishness
kelsey: this doesn't strike me as that
jonathan: it deosn't?
kelsey: should it?
jonathan: i don't know
jonathan: i'm a little biased
kelsey: true
jonathan: does what i said make sense?
kelsey: definitely
jonathan: does it justify my bad desires?
kelsey: a little
kelsey: but did you have to think of that to justify your desires?
jonathan: no
kelsey: then yeah, it does.
jonathan: i'm generally afraid that i may marry ali and she would've been my third girlfriend
jonathan: and that scares me
jonathan: other than that, i have no reason to lose her
jonathan: other than my fear of entrapment
kelsey: this is definitely just like the last kiss with zack braff.
kelsey: so i'd be rachel bilson.
kelsey: hot, but expendable.
kelsey: tiiight.
kelsey: haha
jonathan: hahaha
jonathan: soooo
jonathan: what do we do?
kelsey: we don't do anything.
jonathan: is that what happened in the movie?
kelsey: no
kelsey: in the movie they had sex multiple times
jonathan: so this is nothing like the movie
kelsey: it is, minus the sex
jonathan: you don't want me physically do you?
kelsey: i think that's a stupid question
jonathan: no it's not
jonathan: at least i don't think so
kelsey: here, i'll show you something
kelsey: hold on a sec.
kelsey: straight from livejournal to you:
kelsey: there's this guy at work named jonathan and i'm really into him -- he's my perfect guy, really. he's funny, intelligent, artistic, deep, perverted, serious, romantic, and has fantastic hair. i've known from the first time i met him at work that i wanted to be close to him, be near him, be with him -- share a coffee, share a laugh, share a bed, etc. he and i talk and it always leaves me with a good feeling afterwards.
jonathan: please let me over
kelsey: no
jonathan: this is entirely evil of you
kelsey: no, it's not
jonathan: (maybe evil is harsh)
kelsey: it's entirely saint-like
kelsey: (maybe saint-like is too giving)
jonathan: too much so mayve
jonathan: b*
kelsey: believe me, there's nothing more that i've love than to be close to you
kelsey: and it's taking all of me to stand ground
jonathan: but?
kelsey: but it wouldn't be right, it wouldn't be fair, and i don't want to live with that
jonathan: wow
kelsey: i want you to be happy, and i don't think that screwing yourself over with ali will achieve that
jonathan: how would it screw anything over?
kelsey: are you trying to tell me that ali would be completely cool with you doing anything with me for a night?
jonathan: i'm guessing no
kelsey: me too
jonathan: but would she know?
kelsey: when you start making secrets, you start breaking apart
jonathan: i don't think the two are so directly causal
kelsey: also
kelsey: i've been defending the ali portion of this
kelsey: however, there's still the aspect of me
kelsey: i don't exactly agree with doing anything with you while you have a girlfriend and being some secret
kelsey: i deserve better than that
jonathan: okay
jonathan: you shouldve said that eralier
jonathan: i'm sorry for even mentioning it
kelsey: i thought it would have been self explanatory
kelsey: and don't be sorry, at all
kelsey: i'm much happier that you were up front with me
kelsey: it makes me trust you more
jonathan: i'm glad
jonathan: but truthfully,
jonathan: i want to kiss the side of your neck behind your ear
jonathan: and the first notch of your spine inside the collar of your t shirt
jonathan: i want all these things and more
jonathan: but i don't want you to think i'm treating you as some sort of item
jonathan: because it wouldn't be that way
kelsey: and i want you to be single
kelsey: but we don't always get our way
jonathan: i guess not
jonathan: would it really hurt you if we did this?
kelsey: yes
jonathan: okay
jonathan: then i'm sorry i want you
jonathan: (that was genuine)
kelsey: i'm sorry that i want you as well, and that i'm trying to do the right thing
kelsey: that was also geniune
kelsey: **( )
jonathan: what's that?
kelsey: it was supposed to be in parenthesis
kelsey: forgot 'em
jonathan: i see
kelsey: mhmm
jonathan: i'm unhappy officially
kelsey: why?
jonathan: i guess cause i still want you and won't be close to you
kelsey: you'll be close to me
kelsey: just not in the way you originally wanted
kelsey: try to focus on how happy you are with a girl you're in love with
kelsey: it should make it a little better
jonathan: did i say i was happy?
kelsey: no
kelsey: but i know it's in there somewhere
kelsey: otherwise you wouldn't still be with her
jonathan: well if even i cant find it...
jonathan: i dont want to be wrong
jonathan: and be kiled for it
jonathan: killed*
jonathan: can i ask a stratightforward question?
kelsey: go ahead
jonathan: are you a virgin?
kelsey: no
jonathan: are you sure?
kelsey: yes
jonathan: i just wanted to be sure
kelsey: why?
jonathan: cause if you were, then i wouldn't dare take that from you
kelsey: that's very kevin spacey of you.
jonathan: minus the semi-creepy middleaged part
jonathan: hopefully
kelsey: truth
kelsey: haha
jonathan: haha
jonathan: can i have a clove?
kelsey: you can have the whole box
jonathan: i wouldn't want that
kelsey: i don't either
jonathan: kiss me
jonathan: with smoke in our breath, kiss me
kelsey: jonathan
kelsey: i would love to
kelsey: but i won't
kelsey: and you know it
jonathan: i don't
jonathan: i hope for quite the opposite
jonathan: okay forget all that
jonathan: sincerely may i have a clove?
kelsey: sincerely, yes
jonathan: how would i go about that?
kelsey: i'm going to tyler's tomorrow, so you can get it?
kelsey: walnut and pine, house with the white picket fence
jonathan: i don't think we have similar smokers' kiciks
kelsey: why's that?
jonathan: kicks*
jonathan: because i don't plan a cigarrette
kelsey: i don't either
jonathan: i only think of it when it feels right
jonathan: it feels right now
jonathan: is it impossible?
kelsey: right now?
jonathan: yes'm
kelsey: yes
jonathan: welshit
kelsey: sorry
jonathan: it's okay
jonathan: i might have to go
jonathan: i really would like a smoke right now and think i may have to find one
kelsey: well godspeed
jonathan: thank you madame
kelsey: mhm
jonathan: call me if you like
jonathan: if you want
kelsey: i'll text you instead
jonathan: why's that?
kelsey: because it's less tempting for me
jonathan: i doubt there's any way to minimize the temptation i find in you
kelsey: might as well try?
jonathan: then please text little lady
kelsey: i will.
jonathan: until tonight, jonathan
jonathan: bye
kelsey: bye
jonathan signed off at 2:16:34 AM.
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always,
-k.