kewkyd

well, my husband and i have spent the last couple of days talking about everything. as it stands we're going to live together as room mates. it's definitely more complicated, but in simple terms i basically ''came out''. it was terrifying and heartbreaking at the same time. i didn't realize how much anguish i was in. i still feel very raw, but numb at the same time.

because i am starting school in january and i'm currently in a band while working a part time job he's willing to live with me and us help each other out. though i am excited about continuing to pursue the life i've always dreamed of having i'm also very scared about the unknown. as of right now i have no interest as far as pursuing a relationship with a woman, but i am going to explore a more open lifestyle as none of my friends really know about my secret. as i feel more comfortable i will open up about it. he's heartbroken, but he keeps telling me that he wants me to work my feelings out and wants my happiness more than anything else. i couldn't ask for anything more. he's wonderful.

i guess it's easy to put it out there on here, because everyone essentially is faceless and much less intimidating. so much of me wants these feelings to not be there. i've had a lot of terrible things happen to me as a result of it, but i know it's not realistic to think it will just go away. it's become much more intense the older i've gotten. i just hope that i'll become more independent and stronger in the process. as grateful as i am for his support i know that this is a journey i have to walk on my own.

thank you for the responses and brutal honesty. i needed the push. i guess i'll keep updating as things progress. i'm sure this mostly falls of deaf ears and that's fine. i just needed to get this secret off my chest. it was eating me alive.

stay kew kyds...