kewkyd

tactless or dickless?



tactless - lacking or showing a lack of what is fitting and considerate in dealing with others.

dickless - one that lacks courage.

being the extremely opinionated and ever observant individual that i am, i find myself struggling with where i belong in these two categories. i do believe it's totally uncalled for to be out right rude or hurtful towards someone just because you find them annoying or just dislike them as a person. there's no reason to be confrontational and often i'll pick the route of avoiding the person entirely. if you can't say something nice then don't at all...right? where i have problems, and it's quite often in my friendships, is when people behave in a very dickless manner.

it is commonplace to share opinions of people that you mutually know and everyone has the right to express themselves as they wish in their own homes. your own personal beliefs or feelings are no one's business, but what i hate is when you have a collective of people who share the same feelings, but pretend to like the said individual(s) to their face. now, you don't have to be an asshole. no one has to be belittled, but sugar-coating or fronting on someone that you don't have any respect for is just flat out chicken shit. is it really better to be fake ''nice'' over being honest ''rude''? it seems to be the consensus especially with the people i know.

integrity - adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.

dignity - bearing, conduct, or speech indicative of self-respect or appreciation of the formality or
gravity of an occasion or situation.

okay, so you could argue the point of dignity versus integrity. if you value dignity over integrity you may feel it's not necessary to express your opinions for the sake of that individual's feelings or to uphold the visage of a considerate/well-mannered person. a person who holds strong to their opinions or values would find it a great disservice to hide their feelings/intentions for any purpose. i have to say i argue on the side of integrity. i am very secure and educated when it comes to who i am and where i stand on just about any issue you could bring up. i don't believe in hiding who i am in anyway for anyone. i think you slowly lose sight of who you are when you constantly compromise or hold back on how you feel or believe for the sake of others. it's denying who you are and for me that shows you have no integrity if you can withhold for such shallow reasons as being ''polite''. when you hold likeability over honesty i feel that shows you have no depth of character and insecurity/ignorance in sense of self.

so, one could argue on the side of dignity. there's nothing wrong with keeping your opinions to yourself. behaving in a repectful manner has never damaged someone's or others' reputation. having good taste and knowing when to keep your mouth shut will ultimately take you further. it's mature to have boundaries for yourself and know when to not cross the line. some people may feel it's not absolutely necessary to express one's self when addressing an uncomfortable issue with a mutual friend. most of the time other people's lives are not your business and often we will be put in situations where you have to tolerate individuals you simply don't respect. having dignity is important in these situations as most often they will apply to the work place or family events. others may not care enough to even address this person. they may find it beneath them to even acknowledge poor behavior despite who it may be.
you could argue people with true integrity can only possess this quality in showing dignity as well. i believe they are exclusive. in their most basic form and definition you will not find them to be synonyms for one another.

i have to say that it crosses the line from dignity to dicklessness whenever you have expressed having an adamant dislike for a mutual acquaintance and yet you still encourage socializing, friendship, or association. everyone has to deal with the obnoxious girl/boyfriend, wife/husbon, or friend(s) of a friend and if you are considerate you will do well to keep your mouth shut. anyone you love, care about, or respect should have their feelings considered whenever the issue comes up of whether or not to let the "cat out of the bag''. but i find it sickening and disrespect whenever you constantly stay hush-mouthed about a person that is not respectable or well-behaved. it works both ways. if you have expressed a dislike for the person or no mutual interest then your friend needs to respect the fact that you will not share an affiliation with this person. no one should be forced into a friendship or have an issue pushed upon them when they have made themselves clear. this is a lack of respect on the other end. in situations like this you should assert yourself and not merely ''accept'' someone because your friend is making you feel obligated to.

i think it's safe to say that you should always show compassion and respect for friends and family, but only when it's shown to you. now, that's not to say that you should show your ass, blow up, or instigate a situation with someone you don't like, but always make your intentions and feelings known. do not compromise your feelings when you are not being heard. there is absolutely nothing wrong with not getting along with everyone you meet and shouldn't be expected. we are all different.


two-faced - deceitful or hypocritical.

i do have to say that when someone has expressed openly how they feel about a mutual acquaintance and it's not in that person's favor, but then show a kind mask to them that is being fake and a coward. not only do i look down on this behavior, but it makes me lose respect for this person. it's in poor taste and completely immature. the only way i'm left feeling about a friend who behaves this way is not to trust them. if i hear you taking badly about someone or pointing out everything you dislike about them, but you continue to be their ''friend'' it gives me no reason to believe that you wouldn't do the same to me. whenever i was younger i was stupid enough to believe this wasn't true. if i was privy to gossip and always included in it i felt like this person actually liked or respected me, hence them sharing their opinions or feelings with me. what i have found as i've gotten older and put a lot of bad friendships out of my life is that someone who shit talks people they hang out with do the same to you. you're not special just because they are including you in bashing on someone. in this case a person who is so persistent in presenting themselves falsely for the benefit of their reputation is ultimately someone who lacks dignity and integrity. if you don't show respect for yourself in public or respect for others in private then you aren't worth a damn. so why would i continue a friendship with you?

maybe i won't ever win a reward or credit for benevolence, but i sure as hell will never be accused of being a tactless dick.