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keutip_der_mm

Killeen, TX

Member Since 2005

Followers 13 Following 15

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Wednesday Mar 23, 2005

Mar 23, 2005
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Why the hell do I feel this way?!?!

Ok, I love Jessica but this whole living eight hours away and NEVER getting to see her is getting to me more than I thought it would. It just seems so futile and it's pissing me off.

I was actually seriously thinking about being a complete dick today and asking some other girl out while I was at the gym earlier today.

What the hell is wrong with me?

I have always been against cheating and now I'm actually thinking about it?

..................

I don't know... I don't want to break it off but GOD do I want a real relationship where we can do things instead of just talk to eachother on the phone...

And she's not making it any easier on me. She's nothing like me. She listens to almost only Top 40 songs with the exception of a handful of ICP and Marilyn Manson songs. The Marilyn Manson song being "This is the new shit" which is top 40 anyway... She's always talking about things and people I could care less about. And, maybe it's my own paranoia from being surronded by compulsive liers all my life, but I have this constant feeling that she lying to me about stupid shit... And, while I'm being honest, she's not the brightest crayon in the box. She's not stupid by any means, but she's... it's hard to explain she just says some stupid shit sometimes. And the comebacks she uses when shes in an arguement are the most cliched lines out there...

"He's a pu**y!"
"He is what he eats..."

Ugh... I don't know and I hate not knowing. I didn't even want the relationship in the first place. She talked me into the damn thing.

But here's why I don't want to break it off...

I haven't had a girlfriend since 2002 and that lasted a whole ten days.

She's the best thing in my life since my baby sister was born when I was 15.

She has a strong labido(which really doesn't help me right now, but it's something to look forward to).

She's one of the most gorgeous women I've ever known in my life. People are always asking me, "Is she a model?" or "How the hell did you score her?!' And I know that I'll never have a chance with another girl that looks so amazing.

And she likes me... She actually likes ME...

I don't want what to do, and I know less of what I want to do... And the indicision is driving me insane.

God? I know I don't believe in you, but what the fuck am I going to do?!

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