I'm in a great open relationship, in what is currently a pretty small-feeling city (and about to move to a bigger one this summer, yay!). So a friend of mine suggested I get on Tinder and look for potential extras there. I'd literally only heard of it before on the Savage Lovecast, which I'm addicted to, but it seemed like a cool thing to do so... Having been on for a week now, I feel obliged to put some advice out there in the world, and see if other folks have similar impressions. This might become a regular series. Like a PSA.
How To Get Me To Talk To You On Tinder
1. Don't pose with something dead. A fish, a deer, a turtle. If it looks like you delight in the killing of small animals, I think "gross."
2. Don't pose with your child. Or anyone else's child. It's creepy. Kids shouldn't be on hook-up apps. And even if it weren't, I'm not here to see your nurturing side.
3. Show me your face. Your actual face, looking into the camera. Not your abs, not your lats, not your face in Halloween makeup. Not your face half-hidden by a dog, or a cat, or a beer. Not you sticking your tongue out, or making the same open-mouth-because-it-defines-your-jawline face five times.
4. Don't have a neck beard. Or at least, not just a neck beard.
5. Don't have the toilet with the seat up in the background of your photo. Not only does it say inconsiderate, it says poor judgement. (Exception: if this is ironic. It might be funny.)
6. Don't have naked girls on the wall behind you. Again, the whole judgement thing. Objectification isn't always a bad thing, but sometimes it is.
7. Don't pose next to your much hotter friend. I will only be disappointed when I check out the next photo and realize you aren't him. (This advice works for everyone.)
8. Have more than one photo. One is not enough.
9. Do not have only group photos. I'm not interested in you and all your friends. (Ok, this isn't immediate disqualification, but it's a little disappointing.)
10. If you're in a suit, next to a woman in a wedding dress, I might make assumptions.