Ever feel like the universe has something in store for you, and it could be really fucking amazing, or the worst thing possible? I'm getting that feeling right now.
Life is sweeping me along like an undertow - every day I find myself further from shore, unable or unwilling to break free from the pull. I just hope there is in fact land on the other side. Right now I'm not sure.
I wonder if I am in fact ready. Maybe I'm just lonely. After the last time I decided, and stuck to it for two years, that I didn't want to be in love. Too much risk. Too little return. But I find myself wanting that passion, that excitement, the thrill of a new beginning. I want to fall, I want to feel again. I want to be wanted not for what you can see, but for what you can't - the intangible that makes me strong and weak, closed and open, cold and loving. I want to be loved for my contradictions, my crazy.
But I'm leaving soon - I got a scholarship to study at Oxford for this summer! All these opportunities, these wonderful things that are happening to me right now, and all that I'm working toward are losing their appeal in the shadow of this solitude. Things seem to be dwarfed in comparison to this desire.
It's late, I'm not making sense. But I was told to update, and I'm in the middle of several long papers, so this is the best I can do.
Life is sweeping me along like an undertow - every day I find myself further from shore, unable or unwilling to break free from the pull. I just hope there is in fact land on the other side. Right now I'm not sure.
I wonder if I am in fact ready. Maybe I'm just lonely. After the last time I decided, and stuck to it for two years, that I didn't want to be in love. Too much risk. Too little return. But I find myself wanting that passion, that excitement, the thrill of a new beginning. I want to fall, I want to feel again. I want to be wanted not for what you can see, but for what you can't - the intangible that makes me strong and weak, closed and open, cold and loving. I want to be loved for my contradictions, my crazy.
But I'm leaving soon - I got a scholarship to study at Oxford for this summer! All these opportunities, these wonderful things that are happening to me right now, and all that I'm working toward are losing their appeal in the shadow of this solitude. Things seem to be dwarfed in comparison to this desire.
It's late, I'm not making sense. But I was told to update, and I'm in the middle of several long papers, so this is the best I can do.
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and there is no need to apologize, i'm quite aware that you have a lot on your plate.
When are you leaving for england?
=-> Alecks