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First and foremost, my mother.
Been through an abusive marriage whilst trying to raise a child, got away from him, met my dad, went to night college whilst trying to raise two children as my dad worked like 3 jobs, then i came along and my mother has consistently worked hard my whole life to give me my best chance, she may have been too career-minded at times but i wouldn't change that. She is truly a fantastic example that if you set your mind to it you can achieve anything. Recently she just went through a serious hysterectomy and i am happy she is so strong and is bouncing back so well. We fought against each other for so long, just because i chose the wrong path and couldn't see her perspective, young and stupid haha. I love her to pieces and she is my idol in every way, the way she always strives to better herself no matter how old she gets, wiser than any woman i know!
Second, my sister.
When my sister was young she went through a lot of hospital appointments, pain, tiredness, yet she still excelled at school in almost every subject, see my sisters the yin to my yang, she knows all the stuff I'm shit at, all the stuff I'm good at she isn't as good at; music was the one thing we always had in common. I wish i hadn't spent my life arguing with her cos all she did as my big sister; always covered for me, let me get away with pretty much anything when my folks went away, I remember once she walked into the garden where my mate and i were drinking one time my folks were away, she brought us a 70cl of vodka, a pack of 20 fags and she even got me chips and cheese after i threw up everywhere later that night. When my folks would shut down my dreams and make me see reality; caitlin would be there to tell me its possible, nothing is impossible. She got diagnosed with Fibromalagia amongst several other life altering conditions after 7 years of going doctors week after week, to different hospitals for tests and to be honest i know where she gets the strength to keep fighting from. my parents. I fought against all the good my folks and sister tried to do for me over the years; such wasted time. I know now that my sister is by far the best thing to happen to my family. She is the smartest, naturally stunning and i cannot wait till she becomes a mum! She's now a fully qualified teacher in a secondary school in Birmingham, eventually she hopes to be a lecturer at University and she's worked years and gone through so much and surprised me every day. I am tearing up writing this cos i don't think anyone can understand (if you do, thank you) how much regret i have, i made my mum & dad and my awesome sisters life hell for years and sometimes its all i can think, wanting to take back the years be the daughter and sister they truly deserved.
My hero's for so many good reasons. My family <3
Lastly, Declan.
The other half to my soul.
My best friend, for years he has been there for me. Through tragedy, drama, actions against each other and others. He has always been there for me and even now he is. We have been through so much.
We were boyfriend and girlfriend for almost 2 years, and lived together for a lot of that. We stay together a lot now even after being with other people since, though now were back to just being with each other haha. As i said, been through a lot of ups and downs. True love is made from going through a lot with someone and coming out the other side stronger and better for it.
Right now it doesn't always feel like were better for it but i know we will be long-term. I do still love him and though my attraction to him isnt the strongest atm i am still in love with him; try to kid myself all i like. Sometimes you end up with the person you never thought you would even go with. You cannot change who you fall in love with. I think over time we will grow stronger. He's always here when i need to talk, cuddle, he always wants to look after me and protect me. He is the only man i have ever thought about having children with and i hope one day that can still happen. He is my hero because even in the hardest of times he still smiles and tells me everything will be okay; and i believe him.
Enjoy. <3
