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I have been rather quiet recently and rather ironically it has a lot to do with this weeks topic.
I am a strong girl on the outside and an emotional gooey mess on the inside, whilst my head thinks sensibly my big heart takes over and just gives everything to everyone because that is just who i am.
Always since i was young my worst fears have been betrayal and abandonment.
Perhaps its issues to do with my dysfunctional family or just the way i grew up and rebelled but i always feared being betrayed by people i cared for and not so surprisingly it happened an awful lot and still occurs nowadays too! Its a cross we all must bear, trusting those around us and letting them in. Telling people things that could upset others or even change peoples lives, its difficult and i have never had many friends because i always have and probably always will struggle to let people in. Plus people do not like my boisterous attitude and straight to the point perspective on things... but thats a different thing altogether
Having abandonment issues is something i figured out i suffer with when i was studying A level psychology. I found it incredibly interesting & to be honest i would happily go retake psychology anyday! It is a common issue people suffer with, usually because of trauma in the past family members, ex's, etc.
For me it probably started when my brother ran away and after which my life sort of spiralled out of control. Since then i have always hated being alone even just having company to sit in silence with feels better than being alone to me. I will probably end up appreciating my own company more when i am old and not so wise. At the moment though i hate sleeping alone, hate being stuck in this house share alone and just hate the idea of being forgotten about which happens far too frequently in my life.
I also fear loss of control.
Over my life, situations that arise from life, fear of never being able to have control in relationships i am in or feeling often below my friends for some reason or another
In my younger life i had very overbearing overprotective parents who ended up making afew too many decisions in my life and so i rebelled, hard and completely lost control. Since then all i have been doing is trying to get some form of control back!
I fear plenty of other things but physically i cant stand heights because i get vertigo or whatever it is called, doesnt help being this tall either haha ;)
