The year is comin' 'round. I can't really say it's bittersweet, because it's far more bitter than sweet. I woke up this afternoon, and I did get teary in the midst of my always-therapeutic phone conversation with Carrie. Let's pretend that disappointment never happens so that we can earnestly surrender ourselves to deep compassion and love without the fear that our efforts will, some day, not hit the dust. It's so difficult to be brave when failure is just a part of living.
I need to listen to some good music today and be productive.
I finally got a decent amount of sleep last night, as in more than 4-5 hours, so I am feeling a bit more ready to tackle the responsibilities of college. Plus I have a pretty epic grocery shopping excursion to endure later tonight, so I need to prepare for that. Is it lame that I thoroughly enjoy going to the grocery store?
I saw The Reader last night. It was a great movie, but probably poor timing for me and all the emotional weight. But fuck, when ISN'T it poor timing for that? I am such a pansy.
P.S. Does anyone else have a tumblr and want to be tumblrfriends? Here's mine: singing ha, ah la la la de day...
I need to listen to some good music today and be productive.
I finally got a decent amount of sleep last night, as in more than 4-5 hours, so I am feeling a bit more ready to tackle the responsibilities of college. Plus I have a pretty epic grocery shopping excursion to endure later tonight, so I need to prepare for that. Is it lame that I thoroughly enjoy going to the grocery store?
I saw The Reader last night. It was a great movie, but probably poor timing for me and all the emotional weight. But fuck, when ISN'T it poor timing for that? I am such a pansy.
P.S. Does anyone else have a tumblr and want to be tumblrfriends? Here's mine: singing ha, ah la la la de day...
I don't know that there is much here to live for without love, in all its forms. It doesn't mean that it is easy to find, or maintainable without heartbreak sometimes. But it's a way of life to commit to -- to live with an open heart -- that's better than the alternative.
Not opening up may seem safe, but it's internal suicide of degrees, and I think it is more painful than people actually contemplate. Loneliness on a deep and personal level is its own heartbreak. It's antecedent cause is less specific, but that's not much comfort at 3am when you feel like the world has locked you out and the night's turned cold.
I never get the fears of being hurt as a reason to not try -- I'd never own dogs under that logic. My cocker spaniel dying was agony, but I still got Fidel and Esperanza, even though I know I am going to have to go through their eventual deaths. But in a mortal and imperfect world, there's just no way to isolate yourself from pain, even by disengaging.
Anyway, I hope you find the key to put your happiness primarily within your own grasp. If someone leaves you, and hurts you and behaves badly, to be honest, they aren't worth the salt in your tears.
Take it easy
you're a really cool, really interesting person, and I'm glad we're friends.
♥