kelland

According to Alice Cooper, school's out for the summer. Growing up, my dad used to blast that song for me and Shan on every last day of school.

The last days of my sophomore year were a chaotic blur. Joel visited my last weekend in Athens, and it was a fun-filled and long-awaited reunion. I ran into the street and gave him such a loving, all-consuming embrace, and it felt a little like I was re-emerging into some kind of forgotten normalcy. Five months is a long time, and it's hard for me to believe it'll be half of a year next month.

Then my mind begins to wonder.

I don't know what happens to time. It passes, then it recedes. It blurs the lines and fades the colors and, sigh. New things become old things. Time inevitably creates this quiet detachment. Time, in and of itself, doesn't manifest this magnificent change or anything so ridiculous. Lazy people believe that time heals all wounds. Time hasn't always been that kind to me. More than healing my wounds, it has, at times, re-opened them; I have worked hard to seal them back up and slap bandages on that shit. Time has slapped me around into a million different realities, and time has shown me a variety of unwanted truths. More than anything, time has, in some ways, made the past more difficult to understand. Well. I chose a path of recovery. I chose a path of self-improvement. I chose a path of positive energy. And really, what more can I do? I can reach my hands out. I can profess how much I care... and how much I miss it. And, oh, the possibilities for rebuilding! I can feel a million different things, and that's about all I can do with them. How surreal it sometimes feels at night, summertime, quiet room, empty bed. Summertime is where it started. I can ask for another chance. I can ask for answers. I can do a million things, but I am one fucking person, one side of several different equations, and one half of all these two-part problems. I have made the phone calls and left the messages and confessed the guilt and sealed the apologies for those willing to hear me out, cooperate, care, and forgive. I absolutely positively know that I have flaws and faults that have contributed to everything and anything about which I am displeased; I have admitted this, I have examined it profusely, and I've tried to make it better with the resources I have. And I can be frustrated as fucking hell when my hands get slapped away, but so it goes. It seems so damn basic, but I can only change myself; I cannot change others. It took effort effort effort and a foreign kind of strength to venture down all those aforementioned paths, and it hasn't been all cake and pie, but I haven't had to suffer all my blows alone, gratefully.

In other words.

If you think time alone will do all the work for you, you're wrong.

Keep in mind, all is said in positive jest. Bitterness doesn't live here anymore, darling.

Back to Joely Bear.

He witnessed several monumental events such as the bleaching and subsequent dying of my hair (it's bright yellow, bee tee dubbya). Also, Andrew W.K.'s Lobster Fest performance as well as his hard partying and his preference for wearing monochrome clothing. There are so many fucking pictures from that weekend, but Joel bears the burden of uploading them so that the general public can enjoy.

Carrie and I have done so much adventuring lately, it's overwhelming to comprehend. Last month we visited both of our respective homes on a mini-round-trip of Ohio. She met my cats and my family. I met her (large) family and (many) pets. Here are some photos from that expedition (because I am too exhausted to write out a detailed explanation of everything we did):

[see Myspace blog]

Then there's Bonnaroo. Bonnaroo created several conflicts for both Carrie and myself, namely because we left for the trip three days before the actual end of the quarter. That is, we left during exam week. We both opted for early exams. Carrie missed her sister's graduation. She missed the move-in days for moving into her new house, and two of her three male roommates begrudgingly moved all of her pre-packed belongings for her. In a matter of 48 hours, I had to relocate all of my belongings from my dorm to Tegan's basement, and upon arriving back from Bonnaroo, I had to move all of those belongings back to campus, into my transitional summer home with Susannah. So, we both missed our respective move-ins, and we also missed the first day of training for our summer jobs. With all of that said, Bonnaroo was a great experience. "Great" is one of the few wholly accurate words to describe the journey. I cannot explain in words how liberating it felt to drive to Tennessee with my good friend, just us two, naive, incapable, inexperienced, fragile girls. (Or so it seems.) To complete a flawless drive, outsmarting MapQuest, taking charge of an atlas. To arrive and set up camp, prepared to a ridiculous extent with every "what-if" item you could possibly imagine. To awake each morning, eat breakfast, drink several bottles of essential fluids, take vitamins, apply sun block, and discuss an itinerary for band-viewage. For us, the road trip to the music festival was much more than just that. It was a much-needed escape from an emotionally exhausting and demanding school year. It was proof and validation of our strengths and our capabilities. It was the first time in my life that I didn't depend on elders, men, other friends, or anyone else to organize a trip, do all the driving, save all the money, and plan all the details. Additionally, I had this abundance of energy, and I felt great the entire time. I guess it was all the praying, meditating, Gatorade, and soy bologna that kept my head up high. Quite a turnaround from last year's near-death dehydration debacle. I guess, in a word, I was simply well-prepared. Additionally, I had a very determined and positive attitude throughout the duration of the festival. You'd be surprised how much a little self-coaxing will do. Carrie and I have many memories (and memorable quotes) from the experience... as well as many photos (all contained on Carrie's camera since mine is far to expensive and heavy for that sweaty, dirty, risky haul). We spent a lot of time with Joel and his friend Dion, and by the end of the weekend, my stomach muscles were sore from all the laughter. So, I'll cut to the chase and give a list of the shit we saw:

MGMT
Zach Galifianakis (plus some other entertaining opening comedians)
Vampire Weekend
Minus the Bear
Bluegrass Allstars featuring Luke Bulla, Sam Bush, Jerry Douglas, Bela Fleck, Edgar Meyer, and Brian Sutton
The Raconteurs
Rilo Kiley
Cat Power
The Avett Brothers
B.B. King
Ben Folds
Iron and Wine
Pearl Jam (<3 Eddie)
Sigur Rs!!!
Kanye West (story proceeds)
Robert Plant and Allison Krauss featuring T Bone Burnett
Death Cab for Cutie

I suppose if I had to pick favorites... well, that's very difficult. Zach G. was great. I was very impressed with Rilo Kiley. B.B. is adorable. Iron and Wine made me tear up. Pearl Jam... I needn't really describe. Sigur Rs = beautiful. And Kanye. Well. If you're one of the ten people on this earth who hasn't already heard, he was two hours late for his already-ridiculously-late-2:45 A.M set. That's right. Two whole hours. People were booing. Throwing glow sticks. Getting extremely fucking pissed. Chanting absurd things. And when he finally came on stage, the crowd was by no means massive. Et cetera, et cetera. I guess you should probably read the dozens of news articles about this mishap, but essentially, his stage gear was simply too elaborate to set up in time, and the stage crew, from what I've heard, were a bunch of lazy asses. Of course, it's not necessarily the man's fault that the stage wasn't ready for him to perform; however, he did not address the audience or apologize at any point during the performance. Needless to say, he angered a lot of people and probably lost some respect (and some fans). Not really me, though. I thought it was a truly memorable experience to watch him as the sun came up... and then walk back to camp at six in the morning only to get two hours of sleep before the sun raped my tent with its heat.

Carrie and I, weary but giddy, endured Sunday and the performances despite our extreme lack of sleep, and we left the Roo around 9:30 after Death Cab's set. Of course, to quote myself circa Lollapalooza last year, we were in "NO CONDITION TO DRIVE" at that point. Around midnight, we pulled into a hotel parking lot and slept in the car until four in the morning. We then resumed our journey, still extremely sleepy and half-aware of our surroundings. It was like stumbling into another dimension.

Geeeeeeeesh. This is my dissertation.

So. I guess that brings me here. Sitting in my fabulously large and accommodating dorm room in Adams Hall, the brand spankin' new residence hall on campus. Since I am working for the housing department of the university over the summer, I get to live (and eat) here for free for a few months while I have the job. Susannah and I share a room with our very own bathroom! It's pretty great (and if you've lived/suffered in standard, box-sized college dorm rooms for two years like myself, you'd understand why this place is a palace). If wasn't already living off-campus next year, I'd consider living here.

To close, here are some photos from my photog class last quarter. I haven't posted these yet, so... here!

(Also, I am not about to share with my audience the amount of time it took me to write this damn thing.)

[see Myspace blog]

I'll have more photos on here soon. The editing process is a hellaciously tedious one, and at the moment, I am trying to do as little work as possible. Anyway, I'm sure you're all dying to see AWK's sweaty hotness captured in still image form.